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When Absols Cry...
It's my first comic... so it isn't that good. I tried my best... well... not really. Anyways, the story is... I haven't really thought of that... I'm sure it'll come up in the later chapters.
I'm a newbie at making sprite comics so... feel free to leave harsh critism. Rated PG-13? -Due to deaths and some cussing. http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/8025/userbarkt9.png Introduction Chapter: Catch of the Day Early Bird Sweet Dreams Encounter of the [color="red"]Fl[/red]owering Kind Bad Trade Bug Me?! Beware of Dog! -Coming Soon Spoiler:
Credits: -Pokemon Elite 2000 [Pokemon Icons] -Higurashi no Naku Koro ni [OP Lyrics] |
hmmmmmmm.
Harue is just jumping all over the place. From the house, to the Lab, to the water, to the forest. It just seems like your rushing yourself too much, and I think that if you continue like this, the comic will get confusing. You should give yourself time to explain the story early on, cause it doesn't seem like it will be your typical adventure. Maybe it has something to do with Absol's crying ... Take your time and crack some jokes, don't be afraid to go at a slower pace. Try and keep the amount of scenes (locations) per comic below two. And this is in alot of comics, but the text at the bottom is annoying. You could try and make speech bubbles. Also, don't downplay yourself because you're new - everyone starts off somewhere. The second panel in the first comic is good, but can you translate the text at the bottom of each comic? |
Harue does seems like she's jumping but honestly, I don't have the walking sprites to give her. That's why in all the comic panels she's stilled.
I would do the speech bubbles, but I honestly think they are a pain to do and to keep, since I have so much text and don't really want to add more panels. As for the story... about the Absol's crying... I'm going to make it show up after "Beware of Dog!" since I need to get the main cast together first. As the the translation... it's just a song from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Basically... it means... someone is behind you. 'It' causes you to shred the night. Raindrops of blood fall on my skin. If you caused so much trouble and there's nowhere to go... follow 'its' finger as Absols cry. You can no longer return... I added in the Absols part. I think it's easier if I just use the ED of the anime, it's in English. I'll use that for the story. |
No, when I meant jumping, I was referring to how the scenery changed quickly, but you fixed it up anyway.
And speech bubbles are worth it y'know. If you think that there is too much text, maybe you should consider a bit less then, and maybe try and tell your story more through the sprites. And is the song Higurashi no Naku Koro ni from One Piece, or the manga? (And are you copying the thing in the title by colouring a letter red?) |
It's good.
Just get walking sprites. |
Some of these are really funny, like that bug catcher getting carried away by the pidgeot, then he keeps coming back. made me laugh, keep up the good work, but maybe go slower like ray.z said.
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if i had any sense at all...
4 Attachment(s)
if i had any sense at all i would say this was really gay but i don't and found this pretty entertaining, but that guy was right Harue does hop around way to much
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It's a pretty funny comic!
Specaily for a new writer I giggled a little So when is Beware of Dog? |
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