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Skymin October 22nd, 2006 3:00 AM

Pokemon - Elemental Islands
 
Hey Guys, I'm sorta new at fan fiction, but I'v been writing something for a little bit, here it is
Any errors, compliments or critiques, just post!

Fire Island [contains volcano (Mt. Flame) & hotel]
Grass Island [contains forest (Bulba Forest) & hospital]-
Thunder Island [contains powerplant]
Water Island [ferry, Pool, Lake Squirt and hotel]
Clear Island [PokeCentres and PokeMarts]
Moon Island [Hotels and Mt. Night]
Sun Island [Hotels, Town Centre, Ferry and Mt. Day]
Psychic Island [PokeCentres and PokeMarts]
Rock Island [Fighting Dojo and Mt. Bruno]

----!!New Islands!!----

Bug Island [Beetle Forest & Lake Marquerain]
Dark Island [Small Island off Moon Island]
Dragon Island [Dragons Den, Hotels & Training Gym]
Fighting Island [Fighting Dojo & Mt. Machop]
Flying Island [Avory [Egg Centre], Hotels & PokeCentre]
Ghost Island [Haunted Tower & Training Gym]
Ground Island [Mt. Trapinch & Desert]
Ice Island [Frozen Cave, Ferry & Poke Mart]
Normal Island [Small Island off Clear Island]
Poison Island [Poison Cave & Training Gym]
Steel Island [Mt. Steel, Hotels & Training Gym]
Shadow Island [Small Island off Moon Island]


It was a Sunday morning. Madelaine Ryder (or better known as Maddy) was fast asleep on her bed. It was the day of her 10th Birthday, the day she had been waiting for, all her life. The day, she would receive her first pokemon. But being fast asleep didn’t get her anywhere. It was almost 7 o’clock, and she was supposed to meet up with Professor Palm, the town’s PokeCentre’s owner.Maddy lived in the Elemental Islands, a new set of islands that had been recently found. She lived in the ClearIsland, and in a town called WhiteTown.

The clock struck 7, and the alarm on Maddy’s went of, quite loudly. She awoke with a start, and then suddenly remembered what today was.

‘I’m going to get my first pokemon today!’ She thought excitedly.

She quickly got up, and got dressed in the adventure clothes she had been waiting to wear for weeks. It was a pair of gloves, bandana, a sleeveless shirt, a long pair of jeans, and specially made shoes for adventuring. Maddy was so excited, she tripped over several times. When she was fully dressed, she grabbed the backpack she had packed the night before.

Where are you going Maddy?” A voice coming from the kitchen yelled out.

“I’m going to Professor Palm’s lab, mum, she said she would give me my first pokemon today!” Maddy yelled back.

“Okay,” Maddy’s Mum replied. “But come back to show me, I heard that there are new pokemon around!”

“Okay, see you!”

Maddy left the house and walked the way to the lab. White Town was only little town, so everyone knew everyone. She said hi to the people standing outside of their houses while she walked by. The PokeCentre was at the top of the hill, so it was hard to get to. As she finally reached the tower, a boy, around Maddy’s own age, came out of the PokeCentre.

“Hey, how’s it going?” He said as Maddy went to walk past him. “I’m Kai, what’s your name?”

“I’m Maddy,” she said quietly in a shy voice.

“I just got my first pokemon, wanna see?” He said with a faint tone of boastness.

Maddy’s courage perked up a little. “Yeah, alright!”

Kai took a pokeball of his belt and yelled “Go! Skarmory!”

Out came a silver bird with red wings about half the size of Kai. It shrieked and flapped its wings.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He said while he adored his new pokemon.

“Wow, it’s so small, I didn’t think you’d get one like that!” Maddy beamed at the Skarmory.

“Neither did I, but Prof. Palm is one of the best breeders in the world, she gives out the hatched eggs to the new guys, like me and you,” Kai said proudly.

“Can you help me get a pokemon?” Maddy asked shyly.

“Yeah! Sure, I’ll show you where you have to go!” Kai said with a smile.

He returned his pokemon, walked her into the centre and showed her around.

“There’s the front desk, there’s the phones and there is the lab!” He pointed at a desk, several phones and a set of double doors.

“Let’s go in then,” Maddy walked over and pushed open the double doors.

“Whoa!”

The room was filled with eggs, young pokemon and older ones in glass pens. A young woman was in the corner, rubbing an egg while telling pokemon off for fighting. She noticed Maddy & Kai looking at a pair of blue eggs and walked over to greet them.

“Hey, how are you Kai? Back so soon? And who’s this? A newcomer?” Prof. Palm said with a warm smile.

“Yeah, this is Maddy, she lives at the white and blue house, at the bottom of the hill, she’s looking for her first pokemon,” Kai replied, gesturing towards Maddy.

“Ah, I know your mother. Okay a new pokemon? We have plenty! Pikachus, Clefaries, Natus, Pidgeys, Tailows, and even a baby Lugia, which washed up on the beach, but I’m afraid that she isn’t for taking,” Palm said, pointing towards several pokemon.

But Maddy wasn’t listening. She was staring at a small, brown, fox-looking pokemon. It had a tuff of cream fur under its neck, a bit or cream fur on the bottom of its tail and about the size of a shoe.

“What’s that?” Maddy interrupted, pointing at the pokemon.

Prof. Palm looked towards the small, shy pokemon and sadly said, “That’s an Eevee. It was the runt of the litter and hasn’t been able to get a good home.”

“I’ll take it!” Maddy said happily.

Kai went to stop her. “Hang on a second Maddy! You want a pokemon that’s good and tough! It needs to protect you out in the wilderness!”

“Kai, it looks fine. Don’t worry. Professor, can I have it?”

“Yes, of course you can have her, I’m sure she’ll love that,” Palm said with a big grin.

She picked up the Eevee and put it in Maddy’s hands. It was only small so she had to have a firm grip to keep it up.

Maddy went to put Eevee on the ground when Palm stopped her.

“That wouldn’t be wise,” Palm said with a slight note of laughter in her voice. “You don’t want Eevee to be squashed!”

Maddy nodded and put the Eevee in her backpack, so the Eevee would have her head poking out. Kai rolled his eyes as Maddy cuddled the Eevee.

“You better go now, I’ll see you later!” Palmed waved at them.

“Bye Professor!” Maddy & Kai said as the left the centre.

Maddy had started walking down the hill when Kai stopped her.

“What is it?” Maddy asked him.

“Um, well it’s just that when I go on my adventure tomorrow, I don’t want to go alone. I mean without someone I can talk to. But, I wanna ask, can you come with me tomorrow?” Kai said nervously.

Maddy thought for a moment and said, “Yeah, sure, I’d love to!”

Kai blew a sigh of relief and started to walk down the hill with Maddy.

“Thanks, thanks a lot,” Kai said.

“That’s okay, I don’t want to go “alone” either,” Maddy said with a smile.

“Okay! See you tomorrow!” He head off in the left direction at the end of the hill, as Maddy headed to the right.

“Eevee!” a tiny voice chirped from Maddy’s bag. Maddy lifted Eevee from the bag and held her like a baby.

“You and I are leaving tomorrow,” Maddy said as she wandered to the door of her home. “I hope you’re a
really good battler.”

“Eevee!” Eevee squeaked happily.

ProtrainerEon October 22nd, 2006 6:46 AM

SPACING. Excellent way to get an Eevee. I can see you're trying. Very good effort!

HEY! Professor Palm is MY Professor! In my old fic. Stealer!

ArmchairRomeo October 22nd, 2006 7:29 AM

Yeah, you should indent. It makes a story MUCH easier to read.

Professor Palm could be anyone's idea. You may have posted the fanfic first, but someone else could have thought of it before you did.

Mudkip85 October 22nd, 2006 7:35 AM

i think its great maybe some words repeated too often like 'said' try using alternative words it will make it sound much better good ideas nevertheless

ProtrainerEon October 22nd, 2006 10:12 AM

ArmchairRomeo, I was just teasing. XD I'm not stuck up like that. Who cares about the name? I was actually more surprised than even slightly angered that someone else used the idea.

Skymin October 22nd, 2006 11:58 AM

EON : oh sorry! i just used Palm, well one because all the professors names is a tree of a plant (Birch, Elm, Ivy, Oak)and we have palm tree outside so yer! with spacing, ill try & fix it upp

Romeo: uhhhh whats "indent"?

Mudkip: i know i use words like that, and im trying hard not to!! i usually back them up with "nervously", or "Happily"

Thanks guys!

ArmchairRomeo October 23rd, 2006 3:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProtrainerEon (Post 2271044)
ArmchairRomeo, I was just teasing. XD I'm not stuck up like that. Who cares about the name? I was actually more surprised than even slightly angered that someone else used the idea.

It's kind of hard to tell on a computer.:nervous:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragon Ryder (Post 2271149)
Romeo: uhhhh whats "indent"?

-_- Oh my...

Just look here!

Skymin October 23rd, 2006 12:53 PM

Chapter 2 Coming your way! If you would like to be a character in the story (name and appearance and personality) just post
Maddy smiled as she walked in the door. Her mum was cooking and shrieked when she saw Eevee.

"Ohmygoodness! It’s so adorable! Ommygoodness! It’s an Eevee! It’s so... so... so small... Why is it so small?" Maddy’s mum went from complete happiness to utter confusion.

"It was the runt of the litter, so I guessed no one would get her. It would be so sad for just one to be left behind," Maddy said quietly.

"Oh Maddy, you have a heart of gold. You better have dinner, then head to bed, you have a big day ahead of you!" Maddy’s mum headed back to the kitchen and finished her cooking.

Maddy went into her room, took her backpack of and laid back on the bed. She took her bandana, backpack and shoes off. She changed into her pyjamas and said to Eevee,
"Do I need to give you a nickname?"

Eevee stopped playing with the pillow and looked and Maddy, slightly shrugging her shoulders.

"Hmm… I don’t think I need to, unless you want one," Maddy thought aloud.

Once again, Eevee shrugged her shoulders and said "Eevee…" in a quiet voice.

"Hey, Eevee! You need to learn to speak up. If you’re small, I guess you would be a bit quieter. So give me you loudest cry!" Maddy encouraged Eevee.

"Eevee…" Eevee said quietly.

"Aww, c’mon! Give me your loudest!"

"EEVEE!!!!" Eevee cried at the top of her voice. Maddy broke into a smile.

"Whoa!! That’s more like it! Maybe after dinner we can practise your moves!" Maddy said excitedly.

"DINNER! AND BE A BIT QUIETER!" Mum yelled from the kitchen.

Maddy headed out to the kitchen and saw her favourite, lasagne with mashed potato.

Eevee looked confused and looked at Maddy.

"Eevee…" Eevee looked confused.

"It’s okay, you can have some of my dinner," Maddy smiled.

"Oh, no! You need all you can get Maddy!" Maddy’s mum said, pointing at Maddy.

"Eevee gets her own bowl!" She dished out some into bowl and handed it to Eevee.

"Eevee!" Eevee said happily, and started eating.

Maddy nodded, and began to eat. As Maddy’s mum started to eat, there was a large bang outside. Eevee jumped with fright and hid behind Maddy.

"What was that?!" Maddy’s mum looked around hastily.

"We better check it out!" Maddy said bravely, even though she was a little scared.

"Eevee!" Eevee plucked up her courage and started to pull Maddy out the door. Maddy got up, and followed Eevee out.

Outside, there was a Gastly, banging into the wall, try to scare everyone.

Maddy cringed. "A-a-a gastly? B-b-but they’re g-g-ghost pokemon!" She trembled and started walking backwards. She tripped over and banged her head on the ground.

"Oww, well, we better go take it on!" Maddy got up and started running towards it.

"Eevee!" She nodded her head and followed suite.
Just as Maddy got near the Gastly, she heard a scary whisper and stopped dead. Eevee banged into Maddy’s shoes and looked around Maddy. The Gastly had licked Maddy and she was paralysed! Maddy fell to the ground, and nearly squished Eevee.

"Eevee!" Eevee squealed in surprise and tried to wake Maddy up.

[She w-won’t w-wake up for a w-while,] Gastly said to Eevee smugly.

[She didn’t do anything to you! Why are you scaring everyone!?] she said bravely.

[It’s s-so much fun! It’s like taking a lolly-pop of a baby, it’s fun to s-see them cry… heh heh heh…] Gastly laughed with a wheeze.

[You’re so mean!] Eevee growled angrily.

[Take me on, and I’ll w-wake up your dear h-human friend if you w-win! But I don’t even think you’ll last a s-second! Heh heh heh,] Gastly teased.

[Your on!] Eevee snarled.

Just as Gastly was about to cast a hypnosis, Kai came running along the road.

"HEY! Eevee! Get outta there!!" Kai shouted out to Eevee

[H-huh?] Gastly turned to see who was coming.

Eevee seized the moment and cast a Shadow Ball at Gastly. The Gastly turned around at the last minute, and was hit square in the face. He fell to the ground, fainted.
Kai ran to the scene and saw Maddy paralysed. He grabbed a paralyse heal and dabbed it on the lick wound. She "woke" and picked herself off the ground. She dusted herself off and said, "Kai, what happened?"

"Well, by my guess, I think you were licked by the Gastly, and then Eevee defended you, and used a shadow ball and wiped it out!" Kai said in amazement.

"Wow, really! Eevee?" Maddy asked Eevee.

Eevee nodded her head happily and jumped into Maddy’s arms.

"I guess I underestimated you, Eevee," Kai said with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"Don’t worry, I think we all had our doubts on Eevee, but it’s all changed today!" Maddy laughed.

"Hmm, well, the gastly is knocked out, sooo…" Kai stared at Maddy. "Well? Can I?"

"Yeah, whatever, knock yourself out," Maddy waved a hand at him.

Kai chuckled and forcefully said, "Go! Pokeball!"

He threw a familiar red ball at the gastly. The ball caught the pokemon, rattled a bit, then settled.

"Allrighty," Kai picked up the ball and put it on his waist. "see you tomorrow!"

"Okay!" Maddy grinned, "Bye!"

She picked up Eevee and walked towards her home, happy that her pokemon was the best.
"Eve," She muttered. "I think I'll call you Eve,"

ProtrainerEon October 27th, 2006 4:23 PM

I TOTALLY wanna be in the fic.

Name: Ian Daniels (The others besides his Growlithe I would like to be caught later in the story...is that fine with you?)

Pokemon (storage): Electrike(child)

Pokemon (in party): Ralts (close to evolution), Growlithe(starter Pokemon)

Island: (Whichever one you like, it's your fanfic)

Personality: Calm and caring. He is a tough and clever battler that sets his own pace for fights. He is very interested in Eevee though, so he will almost always be nice to Maddy's Eevee, trying to talk to it. Is that okay?

Appearance: His sweatpants are red to match his white top that has a red scoop symbol in the middle. He has on white Reebok shoes and wears a silver watch. He carries a duffel bag around, taking only what he needs and leaving it at a nearby Pokemon Center most of the time.

Is it allright if he sort of, likes Maddy? Just wondering. If not, whatever.



Okay then, about the story...

This is coming along well, but I can't say the same for your spelling. One example...

"lasange?" LASAGNA.

Work on that please.

HOW did Eevee use a Shadow ball? It's a baby! At least explain, like it was breeded with a mix of Eevee and a Meowth, or some Pokemon that knew shadow ball.

Hey, now that I'm on that topic, maybe one of the parents could've been an Umbreon? That'd be a good, and very realistic kind of explanation.

See ya around, waiting for next installment.

EDIT - you don't know what an indent is? It's a space on the first line of a paragraph.

Like this:

(press space bar at least five times)Joey stared at the girl with a shocked expression. What had she just done to him? He felt like he needed to drink water now. Did she have some kind of eerie ability?

Skymin October 27th, 2006 4:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProtrainerEon (Post 2275698)
I TOTALLY wanna be in the fic.

Name: Ian Daniels (The others besides his Growlithe I would like to be caught later in the story...is that fine with you?)

Pokemon (storage): Electrike(child)

Pokemon (in party): Ralts (close to evolution), Growlithe(starter Pokemon)

Island: (Whichever one you like, it's your fanfic)

Personality: Calm and caring. He is a tough and clever battler that sets his own pace for fights. He is very interested in Eevee though, so he will almost always be nice to Maddy's Eevee, trying to talk to it. Is that okay?

Appearance: His sweatpants are red to match his white top that has a red scoop symbol in the middle. He has on white Reebok shoes and wears a silver watch. He carries a duffel bag around, taking only what he needs and leaving it at a nearby Pokemon Center most of the time.

Is it allright if he sort of, likes Maddy? Just wondering. If not, whatever.



Okay then, about the story...

This is coming along well, but I can't say the same for your spelling. One example...

"lasange?" LASAGNA.

Work on that please.

HOW did Eevee use a Shadow ball? It's a baby! At least explain, like it was breeded with a mix of Eevee and a Meowth, or some Pokemon that knew shadow ball.

Hey, now that I'm on that topic, maybe one of the parents could've been an Umbreon? That'd be a good, and very realistic kind of explanation.

See ya around, waiting for next installment.


lol okay ill fix it...
Eevee used shadow ball, as its "special" lol and May's Eevee can use Shadow Ball... but we'll just make it that Umbreon thing lol
and your right to be in the ficc...
you can be someone who tries to attack Maddy, and steals her Eevee? but Kai comes to the rescue and attacks, then you just join lol
sound okaY?

ProtrainerEon October 28th, 2006 12:24 PM

Hold on, my character wouldn't do something like that, unless he ends up stealing it out of his love for Eevee. I'm not sure how you meant it. Unless you mean my character APPEARS after Kai saves Eevee...? I dunno, you tell me then.

And yeah, how the heck can May's Eevee use that move? It makes absolutely no sense at all, but who cares? I, personally, think it should learn RETURN. That seems like a "May's Pokemon" kind of attack, don't you think?

Anyway, I'll shut my flap so you can respond. Eheheheh...

Skymin October 28th, 2006 12:30 PM

lol ok.. yup i meant steal cause he loves Eevee so much!
How does that sound?

EDIT - about the lasagne thing...
i live in australia and by my microsoft word, the australian is lasange... so i have different spelling to americans

Schizophrenic Charmander November 2nd, 2006 1:55 PM

Ha ha, I love your story XD. I'm really getting into it. Try and put as much description as you did with Eevee, and it'll be even better. By the way, could I be in your story?

Name: Joe
Description: Tall, black hair with silver streak
Pokemon: Suprise me XD
Personality: He is a very determined trainer, who enjoys battling, but can be a little cold hearted. He has Tourettes Syndromes so tends to whistle and say "meow" at innapropriate times.

If you dont know what Touretttes Syndrome is, watch this.

Thanks!

Volta. November 2nd, 2006 4:47 PM

ROFLZ

I just noticed I was in this fic :D
Loox great! Dont worry about my opinion about myself. Methinks its a-ok!

PkmnBreederSteven November 2nd, 2006 5:19 PM

This Fanfic is Cool I want to be in it,

Name:Steven

Age:12

Gender:Male

Apperance:Steven has black Spikey hair a blue jacket and shoes and brown eyes.

Pokemon:Houndour(Can I catch more in Story)

goals: Ultimate Pokemon Breeder and Trainer

Personailty:Steven has a very uncalm and he panicks alot he is afraid of boats(he is very they will sink) and flying (cause he thinks he might crash) he loves to play with Pokemon and gets along well with them he can understand what Pokemon wants alot of the time making it easier for him to be a trainer.

Island:Any Island

Favorite Pokemon:Houndour and Poochyena

Skymin November 2nd, 2006 10:03 PM

the fan fic will be on hold for a while, i have to find the USB i use! lol it should be back anytime soon...
now if you want to be in the story, i can only have a few actual "followers" so maybe 4 or 5?
okay , just letting you know

Skymin November 3rd, 2006 1:25 PM

Maddy woke up with a start. Last night had been sort of tough, and really tiring. She had been out late, and hurt a bit. But today she would set out to go towards Light City, the next town. By rumours only, it was a big city, and the biggest city on the Clear Island. Maddy packed her stuff. She put her clothes on, her bandana, her shoes and put food, pokeballs and basic supplies. She stuffed the rest that she would need and headed out the door. Eve shrilled in excitement as they walked along.

"Maddy!" She turned around, and saw her mother running towards her.

"Yupp?" Maddy smiled, and realised her mum was half crying.

"Take this, you’ll need it," her mum handed her a PokeBlocks case, a TM Case and a BerryBag.

"Thanks mum," Maddy said with a large grin, and hugged her mum. Eevee made a small chirp, and Maddy’s mum picked Eve and hugged her too.

"Bye, I will see you later!" Maddy’s mum burst into tears as Maddy walked toward the first route, and ready to head towards Kai and his pokemon.

"Hey Maddy! Are you ready?" Kai grinned. He seemed to be packed a bit more than Maddy.

"Yupp, always!" Maddy nodded towards her backpack.

"Allrighty, let’s get to it!" Kai nodded and started to walk in the forest. Skarmory took off and flew above, to keep watch. Gastly just floated, grumbling and muttering. Maddy followed them, and took her bandana off, to let her hair flow in the breeze. Eve got a shock and ran to keep up, as she was tiny, and had to jump to make between Maddy’s footsteps.

Kai stopped and gave Maddy a small smile.

"Hey, wanna have a pokemon battle? Skarmory vs Eevee?" Kai raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Skarmory vs Eve," Maddy corrected him, "Sure! Just don’t cry when you lose!"

"Bring it on, missy!" Kai threw a pokeball up and yelled "GO! Skarmory!"

Maddy smiled a small smile and said to Eve, "Sick ‘im"

Eve turned from a cute Eevee to a vicious dog! It ran towards Skarmory and bit his leg. The skarmory cried in pain and tried to shake Eve off. He succeeded and flew up to the sky.

"Flying type have advantages from the sky, and lightning quick moves!" Kai reminded Maddy.

"I know, I know!" Maddy snapped, trying to think.

"Skarmory! Gust!" Kai ordered, using Maddy’s confusion as an advantage.

"Quickly dodge!" Maddy said, not knowing anything else to say.

Eve tried to dodge, but got caught up in the whirlwind. It became confused, but quickly snapped out of it, as the gust wasn’t all that powerful.

"Eevee!" Eve attacked without Maddy's orders, as she could see that Maddy was in complete confusion. It slammed into skarmory in a mid-jump. Skarmory was hit right in the stomach and fell to the ground. It quickly got up, and used a tackle against Eve. Both Skarmory and Eve looked like they was on their last legs.

Maddy woke up from her trance and yelled "EVE! USE SHADOW BALL!"

Eve generated a dark ball out of no-where. It shot at skarmory, and skarmory dodged. Maddy was really worried, she didn't want to lose to Kai.

"Skarmory! Aim and fire!!" Kai shouted. It seemed like he knew that he was going to win.

Maddy growled. 'Growled?' she thought. 'Only pokemon do that,'

Maddy didn't care. She needed to win. Skarmory was only several feet from Eve. But maybe Maddy could use it to her advantage!

"Eve! Use COUNTER!"

Skarmory dived into Eve, but she knocked it back, sending double damage! Skarmory fell to the ground, fainted.

"Yyeess!" Maddy cheered. She did a little 'In your face!' dance, just to cheese Kai off. He mumbled and returned Skarmory back to it's ball.

"Hmph, well I almost won! It's a wonder how Eve knows all these weird moves!" Kai grumbled.
Maddy went to pick up Eve and hug her, but she wasn't there. Maddy looked around.

"Huh?" Maddy looked around and saw a boy running in the distance.

"Eevee!" Maddy could hear the tiniest faint sound, and she knew what the boy had done.

"Kai! That boy took Eve! Let's go!"

Kai returned Skarmory and ran after him. Maddy followed. The boy was leading into the centre of the forest, so no one could see him. Maddy and Kai followed him to a tree house in the true centre on the forest. The boy climbed up the tree house. Maddy went to follow, but Kai stopped her.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Maddy was puzzled, she needed Eve back!

"Send up a pokemon! Gastly! Go!" Kai quietly grabbed Gastly. Gastly hovered here and there, like a ball of smoke.

"You like to scare, right? Go scare the boy up there!" Kai whispered to Gastly. Gastly smiled happily and hovered into the house. After a minute a scream came and a boy lept out, with Eve in his grasp. Kai caught him as he jumped off the house. The boy was wearing red sweatpants and a white top that had a red scoop symbol in the middle. He had on white Reebok shoes and wore a silver watch. he was also carrying a duffel bag, with items in it (it also had Eve in it). Kai was holding him by the collar of his shirt, but the boy wasn't looking at Kai. He was staring at Maddy, with utter amazement.

"What are you doing with Maddy's pokemon!" Kai growled in the boy's face.

"Maddy? That's a nice name..." The boy stared into the distance.

"What's your name!" Kai continued, as if the last comment wasn't said.

"Ian... Ian Daniels," he also continued to stare at Maddy's face.

Kai had seen his interest in Maddy and quickly said, "Stop staring at Maddy and look at me!"

Ian looked at Kai and said,"Yes?"

"Give Maddy back her Eevee!"

"Oh! It is yours? Excuse me... I thought it was a wild one..."

"Bullcrap! You saw us battling!" Kai growled at Ian.

"Maybe, but I wanted an Eevee..." Ian looked worried.

"Say sorry to Maddy!" Kai pulled him into Maddy's face.

"S-s-sorry M-m-maddy," Ian mumbled.

"Give me back Eve!" Maddy poked him.

"Okay," Ian sadly opened his bag and Eve jumped into Maddy's arms. She hugged Maddy and tried to
stay well away from Ian.

"Can you put me down now?" Ian asked Kai with a plead.

"Oh, sure," Kai put down the small boy. "But! You have to do something to repay us... but what?"

ProtrainerEon November 3rd, 2006 8:07 PM

I wanna be a constant character (follower) PLEASSSE! Also, I'd like Ian to get hold of a Mantine later in the fic...like not so quickly but maybe by the fourth island or town, depending on distance traveled per episode...? This Mantine will be fast moving and cheerful, always spraying kids (usually Ian and Kai but sometimes other people) with bubbles and then thinking its funny. (Just to make the Pokemon unique ya know)


(Line I'd like Ian to use) "How 'bout I help you two out on your journey as a favor? I'd really like to tag along...and besides, I can be around an Eevee. Sorry about earlier..." All shyness gone, he shouted to them, "Just don't sick that Gastly on me anymore!" Now he was glaring at them in anger, but quickly cooled down.

(He is only shy or frustrated when he has just begun to get used to a situation, like Kai grabbing him after he stole Eve. Usually though, he doesn't let people mess with him like that just so ya know. Otherwise though, you nailed the preffered personality of Ian!)

One question...how many islands are there, or have ya not decided?

-------------------------------------------Review below*

This is coming along okay. Big chunks of text like the one starting the recent chapter should be indented. Keep up the good work, and thanks for adding in Ian so soon!

Volta. November 3rd, 2006 8:14 PM

AUGH!!! The tiny font hurts my eyes!!! T_T, Im sorry, but I just dont wanna go blind reading your fic ^_^

Oh and ProtrainerEon, Check out her RP for the number of islands she has. Her FF and RP are basically a parallel, at least in setting!


Quote:

This poll will close on March 15th, 2034 at 01:20 AM
lol

ProtrainerEon November 3rd, 2006 8:43 PM

Thanks Latias. In that case, Mantine could be found on this Island, or the one that has water. Ya know, water type Pokemon?

:)

Skymin November 3rd, 2006 8:53 PM

lol....
Just to let you know Eon, Latia's name is Kai...
that's where i got the name from
and also, im thinking of adding more islands to the elemental islands
how cool would it be, if someone made a hack of it?
lol oh well

EDIT: oh, about the poll, being so in the future to end, i just wanted the poll to last ages :)

ProtrainerEon November 4th, 2006 2:32 PM

Ahh, so that's who Kai is, I mean where the name originated.

A hack? New islands? Those both rock! There should be an Island called Time Island and another called Space island. These two could have legendaries on them (Time - Celebi) (Space - Mew maybe..?), or some strange kind of Pokemon. You should make up your own also if you get bored with the same old ones, now that I'm on that topic. Ever consider it?

Sorry, just throwing out ideas...don't listen to me!!! XD

Skymin November 4th, 2006 3:02 PM

time and Space? but are they elements?
i might have on each island that they have a pokemon thats "legendarie" to them..
Any ideas for Clear Island?

ProtrainerEon November 4th, 2006 8:55 PM

Clear Island? Uh...Lugia? Or create a normal type legendary, maybe...? Maybe the 3 Regis! Yeah, that is kinda fitting. Or even just Regice. Ice makes me think "clear."

Well, that any help? Buh bye!

Volta. November 4th, 2006 11:04 PM

Maybe Regigigas should rule Clear Island...eh?

ProtrainerEon November 5th, 2006 7:34 AM

Who?kijdcsihcdlknvldNVkfSnflvSNklc

Volta. November 5th, 2006 10:01 AM

This guy. He's the normal type Regi for D/P

Skymin November 5th, 2006 1:55 PM

Guys, ill be away for a while (maybe a week) so try to keep teh thread alive (even though its not all that long) Kai, can you spread the word on my threads?

Schizophrenic Charmander November 5th, 2006 2:24 PM

Brilliant chapter there Dragon Ryder, and ended on a cliffhanger. Nice!

ProtrainerEon November 5th, 2006 4:33 PM

I will spread the word too. Ugh, Regigigas is freaky looking.

Pikachu_Charizard November 5th, 2006 8:42 PM

Nice work! But is the third post another chapter?

Skymin November 5th, 2006 9:39 PM

i dont know if im going away yet.. :\
mums still deciding!
anyways, i shall update the islands soon enough

EDIT: Islands are on 1st Post

Skymin November 9th, 2006 11:39 PM

“How 'bout I help you two out on your journey as a favor? I'd really like to tag along... and besides, I can be around an Eevee. I like Eevees you see, and I wanted one. Sorry about earlier..." All shyness gone, he shouted to them, "Just don't stick that Gastly on me anymore!" He was now glaring at them in anger, but quickly cooled down.

Kai quickly shot a look at him and thought a bit.

“Whatever, just don’t be a burden,” Kai said in a stuck-up way.

All Maddy did was just stand their and pet Eve. She was worried that he might take her again. She clutched Eve harder until Eve squealed a bit.

“Sorry,” Maddy choked.

Eve hugged Maddy, and Ian looked at her, smiling in jealousy. Maddy looked at him, realizing that he truly wanted one.

“Look,” Maddy said. “If you can find a Ditto, maybe I will breed one. But that’s if you don’t mess around again.

Ian mumbled. Maddy glared at him.

“Okay, whatever,” Ian looked away.

“Fine,” Maddy also looked away. “Let’s just head to Light City,”

They started walking. Ian let out a Growlithe, so that someone was on his side. He mumbled all the way through the forest, battling the odd Shroomish or two. He kicked rocks and groaned. Kai was getting annoyed and shouted, “CAN YOU STOP CONPLAINING!”

“Why? This forest is going to last forever!” Ian yet again, complained.

“Then what were you doing in here?” Kai asked him, fiercely.

“Looking for berries…” Ian’s voice drifted away.

“Fine,” Kai kept walking, calm and collected.

They kept walking, not a clue where they were going.

“Okay, I we’re back at the treehouse! We must be going in circles,” Maddy was frustrated.

“Maybe we could ask that guy,” Ian pointed at a tall boy, about the age of Kai and Maddy, with black hair and silver streaks. He had jeans and a leather jacket, and was collecting berries of a nearby bush with a Charmander, a Chikorita and a Mudkip.

“We need berries *meow*, Charmander *whistle*,” the guy at the berry tree said. He was a strange boy. He seemed to be whistling and ‘meowing’. It was weird, and Maddy and Kai found it weirder than Ian. Actually, Ian thought it was cool.

“Wow! That guy over there can whistle! I can’t do that…”

Kai gave him a ‘what-the-heck?’ look and Ian shut up.

“Hey! You!” Kai yelled out to the guy.

The Chikorita turned around and tugged the boy on his leg.

“Yeah, I know Chickorita,” the boy sighed, turned around and gave a queer whistle and a ‘choo-choo’. Kai gave him a funny look and said, “Hey!
Can you help us out of here?”

The boy clicked his tongue and said “Name?”

“I’m Kai, and this is Ian. And this is Madd-” He was cut off by a wolf whistle by the boy.

“What’s your name?” Kai said coolly. He was getting peeved by this guy,
and his unnecessary noises.

Ima Joe *whoo*, sorry ‘bout the random noises,” Joe smiled a sorry smile. Maddy smiled back. He looked like a nice boy.

“Hmm, well can you get us out of here?” Kai stared at him…

‘Weirdo,’ he thought.

“Yyeeaahh… I come from *knah* city,” Joe said with a smile.

“Where?” Ian raised an eyebrow.

“Light City *coo-coo*,” Joe shrugged his shoulders. Maddy giggled and Kai shot a look at her. He didn’t like this guy.

“Ookay… Well, can you take us there?”

“No problem *hick* o,” Joe walked passed the 3, and kept walking. Ian shrugged his shoulders and followed him. Kai followed, along with Maddy, Growlithe and Eve. They followed Joe until the outside of the forest. They walked about an hour, and finally they ended up at the edge of the forest, the edge of Light City.

“Hang on a second *clack*,” Joe stopped them, and turned around.

“What?” Kai said rudely, he wanted to get out of here, and away from this guy.

If you battle me,*bwah* then I’ll let you through*nah*, and out of here,” Joe gave them a ‘bring-it-on’ look.

“Whatever,” Kai was about to release his Skarmory when Ian held him back.

“What?” Kai shot at him.

“Your pokemon is hurt, since you lost the battle with Maddy. And Eve is hurt to, let me battle him,” Ian said. It made enough sense to Maddy, but
Kai was not convinced.

“Why you?” Kai wasn’t in the greatest mood, and he just wanted to go to the pokemon centre, and sleep.

“This can be my pay-back, but I still wanna travel with you guys,” Ian looked at him seriously, and Kai gave in.

He sighed and said, “Fine, just make sure you win,” Kai sneered.

“Right,” Ian shook his head. He turned to Joe and said, “You choose first.”

“Hmph, well I choose Chikorita! *Quack*,” Joe pushed forward the small, green grass pokemon. It didn’t seem to want to fight. It looked back and looked at Joe nervously.

“I’ll give you Oran Berries *cluckie* later,” Joe smiled.

Chikorita had a change of heart and stepped forward. Ian chuckled.

“A grass pokemon? Too easy, Growlithe, get it!” Ian pointed at Chikorita and Growlithe charged at him, fire ready in his mouth.

“Reflect,” Joe plainly said, followed by a *squeak*.

The move was reflected, and caused no harm to Growlithe.

“Use ember from afar!” Ian called out to Growlithe. It nodded and fired a
fire ball.

“*Quack!*” Joe shouted.

Chikorita ducked used a Razor Leaf.

“Growlithe! Burn them!” Ian commanded.

Maddy watched the battle as it went on and on. It really consisted of Attacks being dodged or reflected.

“C’mon! Chikorita is a grass type! Shouldn’t Growlithe finish it off easy?” Maddy called out to Ian.

“That’s what I thought,” Ian said to himself. It just seemed that the Chikorita had amazing speed. Growlithe had great Attack, so it should knock it out in one shot.

Then, Ian got an idea.

“Growlithe! Use Faint Attack, then hit with Fire Spin!”

Maddy sat up straight. Kai smiled. Since Faint Attack was ‘unmissable’, once hit, it would take a bit off, then take off the rest with Fire Spin.

Maddy waited anxiously, the result would also be, ‘unmissable’.

ProtrainerEon November 10th, 2006 4:39 AM

Really curious about the outcome. One thing sort of is getting out of hand with Ian though. It seems as if you're making him...wierd. Just my opinion. Please fix him. :(

Great chapter though, as always. I like how you have this whole RPish Fic thing going on. Keep up the good work! (A request - for Growlithe to learn flame wheel later on)

Volta. November 10th, 2006 10:40 AM

Weird? He sounds okay... Are you sure youre not mixing up Joe and Ian?

Skymin November 10th, 2006 11:07 AM

Yeah, Ian has got a little 'childish' cause Joe is a weird guy, and he finds that funny.....
puting a twist in characters is fun to write, so i hope you guys dont mind..
like Kai was cheerful at first, but now he's kinda peeved... get me?

ProtrainerEon November 10th, 2006 3:20 PM

Yeah, I understand. No I'm definitely not mixing up my character with Joe.
Not to be rude but of course he sounds okay if you didn't have a specific mindset for his personality. I'd have to be blind not to notice the name and personality difference. :) Well, he seems more like a complaining four-year old than what I had in mind. Just thought I'd bring that up.

Looking forward to your next chapter.

Skymin November 10th, 2006 3:40 PM

i thought to make him a "younger" trainer... most yound people whine and moan...
once they get out of the forest, he'll stop complaining, and try and head over to the Gym... I have to make up several different gymleaders... how many? 18 or less...
And next island to head to would be....
Normal Island...

ProtrainerEon November 10th, 2006 4:54 PM

Eh, ok. Normal Island. The next gym'd be a great place for Ian's Ralts to evolve.

Light City could have an electric gym leader, right? I guess I'll toss out a few ideas.

Xane: Bold and hardy, always ready for moves that come at him, so strike quickly and consecutively to win. Usually starts off with some inner power move like reflect or light screen.

Pokemon - Magnetric: (Just throwing out a few moves, these of course aren't the only ones you could have) Spark, Metal sound (made with Iron Tail), Quick attack, Iron Tail, Bite

Pokemon - Electrabuzz: Thunder Punch, Shock Wave, Double Team, Rage, Mega Punch, Rapid Spin (Used with generated electric field, like a spinning top, that could do much damage)

I don't wanna totally direct your choice, just helping out. You have the right to make whatever gym leaders and Pokemon for them that you want or use others.

So anyway...if you want more gym leader ideas just say so. :)

Skymin November 10th, 2006 10:52 PM

Thunder City would have an electric gym leader....
Trp Normal type, but that includes flying/normal as well
it could be run by a girly girl...
any ideas?

ProtrainerEon November 11th, 2006 6:07 AM

Aaaaah, you got me started again.

How about it being run by a testy little girl, like six years old? LOL. That would be completely contrary from what you'd expect.

Gabriella - She isn't as smart as an adult yet, but knows what to say and do to annoy you and break your concentration during battle. Then she lands massive blows with her Pokemon, which are exceptional.

Clefable: Clefable is a serious Pokemon that whips out attacks you wouldn't expect. Metronome, Swift, Tackle, Leer, Wish

Dodrio: Drill Peck, Fury Attack, Wing attack, Screech, Gust

What about giving her an Eevee as well? That way it can battle Maddy's and they'll be evenly matched. Or what if they end up liking each other after the battle? Maddy could ask to breed them together for Ian. LOL!

Eevee: Slippery and playful, still in its cute stage, but very strong. Special move is Spark (electric ball of energy shot from its mouth). Return (Almost always hits), quick attack, headbutt, bite, growl.

I also have an idea for a dark-type gym leader.

Deacon - Snobbish and careless with his battles, but his Pokemon's skills make up for his faults, so don't mess with him.

Poochyena: Kept from evolving, is immensely powerful however. Crunch, Double-Edge, Slash, Counter, Howl

Houndoom: Crafty and a little uppity towards opponents. Moves very quickly and fiercely. Flamethrower, Fire Punch (Can be used with a paw, or even all four, and if you jumped on the enemy that could hurt) Iron Tail, Faint Attack, Tail Whip (actually does damage, and can shoot flames from tail)

Murkrow: Is lazy but strong when it wants to be. Peck, Pursuit (If you return a Pokemon, it hits them hard before they are back in the Pokeball), Harden (hardens beak), Scratch, Steel Wing (isn't very accurate from lack of practice), Rest

THERE! I'm done for now.

Skymin November 11th, 2006 11:32 AM

SOunds great!
Ill get to writing it soon....

Scarlet Weather November 11th, 2006 11:48 AM

Hmm.... the story itself is Ok, but there is one problem with the whole thing: YOU ARE GIVING AWAY INFORMATION ABOUT THE PLOT WAY TOO QUICKLY! If you're going to share ideas, you two *glares at Protrainereon and Dragon Ryder* use the PM system! I don't WANT to be told what is going to happen before it actually does happen!

Now, to break down some recent errors...
Quote:

“Ima Joe *whoo*, sorry ‘bout the random noises,”
Egad! This whole thing is apparently taking place in an internet chatroom, as otherwise the characters could not use Asterisk Action! Not to mention that Joe has apparently misplaced the second apostrophe needed in this sentence.... okay, that was a little cold on my part, but you get the idea. Instead of using asterisks, which aren't even real punctuation marks, to accent Joe's words, how about you say something like this:

"Hey, I'm Joe, sorry about the HOOT! random noises." replied the boy, grinning sheepishly. (Okay, okay, that was only a mild improvement, so what, I had a late night yesterday!) My point is that you should try to make his random noises part of the sentence.

Quote:

“That’s what I thought,” Ian said to himself. It just seemed that the Chikorita had amazing speed. Growlithe had great Attack, so it should knock it out in one shot.
The sentence structure here is a little weird. Instead, try something like this:

"That's what I thought," Ian thought, staring at the annoying plant in front of him. Despite Growlithe's incredible attacking power and type advantage, Chikorita still seemed to be able to avoid any attack he could throw at it. If only he could score a single hit, he was sure the battle would be over.

Once again, not a stellar improvement, but you get the idea.

Quote:

Chikorita ducked used a Razor Leaf.
Wow... Chikorita must not like to tell how its attacks work... and it's prejudiced against conjunctions. You need to insert and "and" between "ducked" and "used" in this sentence. However, it might help if you described this attack a little more... maybe something like:

Chikorita stared at the oncoming fireball before diving to the ground, causing the flaming orb to miss its head by mere inches. As it returned to its feet, it began swinging the leaf on its head, causing a mass of sharp-bladed leaves to hurtle outwards toward the enemy.

Actually, that time was a major improvement, in my own personal opinion. I don't claim to be the best, but...

Quote:

He sighed and said, “Fine, just make sure you win,” Kai sneered
Apparently, Kai feels that he must say this sentence once, then sneer it. If you were intending to say that Kai said this, then sneered after finishing, your sentence would look like this:

"Fine, just make sure you win," Kai said, sneering.

All sharp-witted comments and errors aside, there really isn't anythhing completely wrong with your story, besides the lack of a "plot". You can't write an OT story about running from town to town anymore, after all. Just try a little harder next time, 'K? I'll be waiting on your next update.

Rating on the ACC scale: 6 out of 10.

ProtrainerEon November 11th, 2006 12:05 PM

-_-

Art Critic Cubone, tire out your eyes as much as you want. So, if the writer is allowing the plot to be shown, then it is okay with them. I see your point but I'm just saying...

Also, I think the asterisks work far better than your 'improvement.' I'm not making enemies (at least not trying) with anybody, but I just stated my opinion.

Quote:

All sharp-witted comments and errors aside, there really isn't anythhing completely wrong with your story, besides the lack of a "plot". You can't write an OT story about running from town to town anymore, after all. Just try a little harder next time, 'K? I'll be waiting on your next update.
Who says they can't be run-of-the-mill with their story? You? No offense, but that's not really gonna stop what's going on here. I understand the errors and cliche-ness, but at least the fic is decent. I mean, we're not dealing with a major mispelled text blob here. Be grateful! Heheh. XD

Skymin November 11th, 2006 12:15 PM

O.o that is a little.... overboard...
Dude, this is my first fan fic, so dont think it should be perfect, and making gramatical errors? it only human!
Quote:

He sighed and said, “Fine, just make sure you win,” Kai sneered Apparently, Kai feels that he must say this sentence once, then sneer it. If you were intending to say that Kai said this, then sneered after finishing, your sentence would look like this:

"Fine, just make sure you win," Kai said, sneering.

All sharp-witted comments and errors aside, there really isn't anythhing completely wrong with your story, besides the lack of a "plot". You can't write an OT story about running from town to town anymore, after all. Just try a little harder next time, 'K? I'll be waiting on your next update.
note that the sighing is there....
he sighs first, then sneers...
AANNDD if you read my RP, there is a plot!

Would you rather put the plots in spoilers??

Also, can you not put down my work and put better work?
For one, you make me feel bad (not that that matters), 2 i am not an experienced writer! I am not Tolkein, Rowling, so on...
this is a fun writing im doing, and not to be taken too seriously

EDIT: Plus, i like using the asterisks as people might go wth if a knah is sitting in the middle of a sentance

ProtrainerEon November 11th, 2006 12:21 PM

All writing should be taken seriously. One thing though, it shouldn't be taken to the extreme like some have been known to do. Sometimes it can shatter somebody's writing spirit. They may have a fear of 'put-downs,' so Art Critic Cubone, try to level out the good and bad comments in your response to keep the writer's head up high. I'm not even a critic, but this is obvious to me. I'm not trying to show you up as a bad critic or anything, just stabbing facts into your torso like daggers...XD Just kidding! Anyway, I'm done here until the next reply(ies).

Skymin November 11th, 2006 12:23 PM

My writing shouldnt really be taken seriously, the only serious stuff i have is my other thing, which aparntly is really good. but i dont play with that anymore....
my writing is fun only... so post you comments, i might heed them, but i like my style of writing..
and thanks Eon, i know you arnt really backing me up, but it makes me feel a bit better

Legobricks November 11th, 2006 12:42 PM

art_critic_cubone, you're not maddy's teacher, and best be laying off with the correcting and complaining if you can't be nice about it :sleeping:

ProtrainerEon November 11th, 2006 12:44 PM

Actually I am. I know what you mean is that this isn't some real big fic project, but to me all written work (well fanfic-wise anyway), has value. Maybe not so much, but some is in everything someone writes, because it comes from their heart and mind. Writing is a personal expression of something about the person who wrote it, whether it be their hobbies, favorite shows, or even the kind of things they like to write about.

Quote:

but having seen people say things like this before, i'm beginning to think it's not deliberate :\
I don't understand this...? Huh?

FullmetalxFangirl November 11th, 2006 3:22 PM

Nya-ha, nice story! Your characters are believable, aside from that eevee. >| But it's cute, so it doesn't matter. Will its odd moves have some kind of effect on the fic at a later stage? Omg. Yay. -reads fic for the eleventh time- x_X Keep writing. D:

Scarlet Weather November 11th, 2006 3:25 PM

Quote:

art_critic_cubone, you're not maddy's teacher, and best be laying off with the correcting and complaining if you can't be nice about it
How do you know that? For all you know, I could be. We've never met, after all- unless you are stalking me in real life! LYKOMGSTALKER!!! Ok, Okay, I'll stop being random now.

Quote:

All writing should be taken seriously. One thing though, it shouldn't be taken to the extreme like some have been known to do. Sometimes it can shatter somebody's writing spirit. They may have a fear of 'put-downs,' so Art Critic Cubone, try to level out the good and bad comments in your response to keep the writer's head up high. I'm not even a critic, but this is obvious to me. I'm not trying to show you up as a bad critic or anything, just stabbing facts into your torso like daggers...XD Just kidding! Anyway, I'm done here until the next reply(ies).
Oh.. my torso is apparently dagger-proof, for I am not yet dead. 0_o
And to be a good critic, sometimes I feel like I have to "take writing to the extreme". See, my goal in life is to actually land a career in the writing industry, and if I can't write well, I can't land that career when the chance comes. Hence, I write fanfiction so I can improve my writing and hopefully do better the next time. Incidentally, when it comes to fanfictions, I'm not the best- my own story, the Chronicles, only scored a seven on my ACC scale, and after the way I screwed up the last chapter, I thought about lowering it to a five. My point here is that I'm as hard on myself as I am on everyone else, and I don't mind people being hard on me, so it's a bit hard for me to see why people don't like it when I make comments like that which are calculated to help people do better next time. I could just say "This fanfiction could be better" and leave it at that, and for one post that's what I did, but then I realized that not suggesting improvements and pointing out mistakes isn't fair to the person you're reviewing- just to say "you could do better" and leave it at that is pretty low, in my humble opinion. And if I sound vaguely sarcastic, keep in mind that my first experience as a critic was flaming n00bs in a Naruto roleplay, which I now see was equally unfair. And hey, I tried to point out that there was nothing seriously wrong with the fanfiction- just a few grammar mistakes and a lack of description. If that wasn't a compliment, I don't know what was, considering that I'm the kind of guy who takes characters pretty seriously, and would be up in arms against this fanfic if the characters were all uberly-powerful or unbeatable, or something dumb like that. And as a final defense of my actions:

Quote:

my writing is fun only... so post you comments, i might heed them, but i like my style of writing..
You didn't make this clear from the beggining- especially when you asked people to review you. If you don't want to change the way you write possibly for the better, don't ask for reviews, as the whole purpose of a review is to show what's wrong with your story. Jeez-O-Flip, would you people get off my back? If you want to get back at me, go read my fanfiction and give ME a sarcastic-sounding review!

And ProtrainerEon, tell me what you mean by "writing spirit". I've always thought that writing was made by waters of a spring of inspiration flowing through a channel created by the unique mind of the individual, and out through the hands onto paper or a computer screen. And if people give up their writing spirit easily after getting a bad review, then in my opinion, those people never should have started writing in the first place. But that's just me.

As a final final comment, if you don't like someone's review, you can always IGNORE it. Note the capital letters accentuating IGNORE. I did that not because I think you're so stupid you need me to use caps lock before you do anything, but because I feel really stupid that I did not IGNORE your comment.

Scarlet Weather November 11th, 2006 3:44 PM

Quote:


Who says they can't be run-of-the-mill with their story? You? No offense, but that's not really gonna stop what's going on here. I understand the errors and cliche-ness, but at least the fic is decent. I mean, we're not dealing with a major mispelled text blob here. Be grateful! Heheh. XD
0_o I didn't notice this until after my last post... and yes, I do. I am the all-powerful ACC, and what I say goes! *is struck by lightning*. Not to self- refrain from sacreligious dogmatic comments. And yes, the fic is decent, did you even NOTICE me saying that nothing was seriously wrong? As I've said before, my mission is to help others improve, and improve myself. Gee... I sound kind of like some kind of altruist- which is totally not like me. Usually I'm a literary demon. Must be the positive influence of you all telling me (in the politest way possible) that I am not welcome to say what is wrong with this writing. *explodes from sarcasm buildup*

FullmetalxFangirl November 11th, 2006 4:04 PM

Come on, people! Give Cubone a break! He's just trying to point out some parts in which the author could improve. If people just say, "OmG yer fic rawx mah sawx on t3h t3l3fon bocks~ LyKsH1FtOnE~~!!!11!", or, "Your fic is t3h sux0rrz. >|", it's sorta useless. What's going right? What's going wrong? More people these days need to be specific. Usually, if I am critiquing minor issues (such as this fic), I will PM a detailed account of what I think could be done to improve. Otherwise, the author will never get better and will continue to suck (not that this author sucks ... just saying that if the author did suck blah blah blah) for the rest of their suckful writing career. Ya' dig? ;3

So just cut the guy a little slack. He's only doing what he can to help the author improve.

ProtrainerEon November 11th, 2006 4:21 PM

Quote:

And ProtrainerEon, tell me what you mean by "writing spirit". I've always thought that writing was made by waters of a spring of inspiration flowing through a channel created by the unique mind of the individual, and out through the hands onto paper or a computer screen. And if people give up their writing spirit easily after getting a bad review, then in my opinion, those people never should have started writing in the first place. But that's just me.
Listen, I totally see where you're coming from (well maybe not the spring of inspiration part but anyways...), but I have something to say. Some people have fragile emotions or just don't handle excessive criticism well. So to avoid that, try to be as nice as possible while at the same time pointing out faults. Constructive Critism *ta da* is supposed to be CONSTRUCTIVE, that is, to CONSTRUCT a good foundation of dos and don'ts in fics to help write one that is decent. Not to criticize and tear down the small amount of mentally constructed dos, don'ts, and defense against feelings being hurt by reviews.

I know many people who take the smallest things personally. Just be careful with your wording. That's all I'm trying to say! :)

Legobricks November 11th, 2006 4:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullmetalxFangirl (Post 2287340)
Come on, people! Give Cubone a break! He's just trying to point out some parts in which the author could improve.

i know this, but there's too much correcting, it's perfectly fine, i think it's good what cubone's said, but i should think he only needs to use 1 or 2 examples to get his point across
edit: also the manner of the writing in said post is what i'd call a bit harsh, ya gotta be nice while helping/correcting people ;)

Quote:

Quote:

but having seen people say things like this before, i'm beginning to think it's not deliberate
I don't understand this...? Huh?
what i mean is that it's just a personality trait rather than a concious action


everyone please now STFU and get on with your lives, we've all wasted our time and breath enough today...

note: i hold nothing against anyone

Skymin November 11th, 2006 8:36 PM

Whoa, whoa WHOA guys!
okay, i think we can stop this little row...
okay, Cubone, im sorry, i was in a bit of a bad mood, lots of stress as some guy wanted me to do sprites, i was PSing and i was also talking, i needed a nap lol
Plus, ill try to take some stuff in..
Thanks Fullmetal, 11 times! i didnt think it was all that good O.o
new chapter, comming your way... not yet, but hey!

ProtrainerEon November 12th, 2006 11:43 AM

Well, seeing as Cubone is now a discarded pile of ash, we can all move on. XD Well anyways, after I get the broom and dustpan I'll be leaving, checking back periodically for the next chapter.

-_- I'll be waiting...

Rena Ryuugu November 23rd, 2006 5:46 AM

Hiiiii Maddy!!! Heeheehee~

I finally found your fanfic... And LOVE it! I hope you keep up the good work (And your own wrtiting style).

I'll keep checking back as the story progresses...

Skymin November 23rd, 2006 9:32 PM

hey sarah! yeah, i know i havent been writing much lately, ill do some now :)

Scarlet Weather November 24th, 2006 5:13 AM

Thank goodness for that. I was dying of boredom. 0_o

Skymin November 24th, 2006 11:08 AM

:P school draggs me down a lot, and i do get side-tracked

Skymin November 24th, 2006 12:06 PM

Growlithe charged at Chikorita, but the grass pokemon just sat there. Maddy knew that something was up, and Joe was planning a counter attack.

"Chikorita! Use *snore* powder!"

Just before Growlithe hit, the Chikorita released the powder. Growlithe hit the pokemon, but fell asleep before it could use the other attack, the Fire Spin.

"Beginner," Kai plainly said. He smiled and said, "I could do better, hands down."

Maddy raised her eyebrows. Sure, Ian looked like a beginner, but this sort of battling didn't happen because he was a beginner, it was because Joe was an experienced trainer. And he knew just what beginners would do.

"Aww, geez..." moaned Ian. He flicked out a weird, blue flute from his bag and blew a few notes. Growlithe quickly woke up, and was ready for battle, yet again.

"Blue Flute," he explained to a confused Maddy. "used to wake pokemon up."

"Hmm, how would you get one of *hick* them over here?" Joe fiddled his fingers, pretending he was playing one.

"My dad's makes them; just get on with the battle!" Ian growled. He seemed really determined to win this battle.

"*whistle* Chikorita, use Tackle, *ba bum*" Joe pointed at Growlithe and Chikorita charged.

Ian smiled.

"Use Fire Wheel!" He shouted.

Growlithe released a large "wheel-like" fire ball that rolled over Chikorita. Smoke flew everywhere, covering the scene.

*Bum, bah bbbaaahhh* a voice chirped from the other side. The smoke flew away, revealing Growlithe, panting and Chikorita, fainted.

"Yeahh!" Ian punched a fist in the air and did a little victory dance.

Kai clapped quietly. He was hoping that Ian would lose.

"Go Ian!" Maddy called out to Ian. Ian blushed and returned his tired pokemon.

"Well done *fufufu*, you guys can now pass,” Joe moved aside and smiled while they passed.

“Goodbye *mwahaha!*” Joe disappeared back into the forest, mumbling to his pokemon friends.

“Goodbye!” the other 3 waved goodbye, turned around and started walking towards White City.

“You were good Ian,” Maddy looked at him and smiled.

Ian blushed again, “Th-thanks Maddy,”

Kai smirked. “Yeah, it was allright, but it was a fluke.”

“A fluke?! I bet you couldn’t even do that good!” Ian fired up. He didn’t really like being put down, and he was even more annoyed that Kai had constantly been giving him a hard time.

“Oh yeah?!” Kai snapped right back.

“Yeah!” Ian was about to reach for another pokeball when Maddy interrupted.

“Maybe now’s not the time. We need to eat and rest,”

Kai stepped back from Ian. “Maddy’s right,” he said “Now’s not the time…later though…”

Maddy sighed and started walking for the PokeCentre. Kai sneered and followed.

“Humph,” Ian followed suite.

They reached a pokecentre and refreshed their pokemon. Maddy rung home, and told her mum that she had reached the next town. She also booked a room for the group and organized food. The two boys, however, continued to feud.

“Why do you think you’re so good? I could be just as good!” Ian snapped.

“Because! I have more experience, I know more, I’m smarter, and I’m older!” Kai shot right back.

“That doesn’t make a difference! You lost against Maddy!”

“Beginners luck!”

“Wha-a! She is wwaayy better than you’ll ever be!”

“That means she’s better than you!”

“Hmph, well I bet, if I versed you, I would win by a long shot!”

“Your on!”

Maddy ran over and stopped the fight, before it gone any worse.

“Guys, guys, GUYS! Neither of you will get any better if you continue to fight! We really need to go get something to eat, and get some sleep, to go
after the gym leader tomorrow!” Maddy panted, that was a mouthful.
The two boys glanced at each other and gave a small nod.

“Weirdo,” Kai muttered.

“Stuck-up,” Ian mumbled.

Maddy sighed. These guys were as tough as two spearows fighting over a berry.

“Gawsh you guys, you really need to get your act together. We may have to train before we get to the gym. And that’s train together!”

“Let’s just go eat,” Kai suggested. “It’s late and we really need to sleep as well…”

Finally, someone was talking some sense.

Thank-you!” Maddy took a breath, and calmed down. “Okay, the buffet thing is around the corner here,” Maddy walked down a hallway and opened a door leading to a restaurant.



After a good feed and a good sleep, the three woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed and ready for the day ahead.

“Mornin’…” Ian groaned.

“Yeah… morning,” Kai rolled over in his bed and tried to back to sleep.

Maddy smiled and rolled him back over.

“We have to go train today,” she explained with a smile.

“Yeah, 5 more minutes…” Kai grunted, rolling back over and falling asleep.

Ian grunted as he got up. Maddy giggled as she packed her bag and got ready.

"I'm going to go outside and train, I'll be back soon enough!" Maddy smiled
and waved goodbye. The two boys raised a hand in farewell, and tried to get ready for the day ahead.

Kai rolled over to Ian and said, "Ya' know, you owe me a battle..." Kai faded off, teasing in a way.

"Yeah, what about it?" Ian stared at Kai, getting his drift.

"Well, Maddy ain't here..." Kai nodded his head towards the door and smiled, waiting for the yes.

"No... I'm going to have breakfast..." Ian left the room quietly and Kai stared at him angrily. It had seemed last nights fight had changed him... or maybe he knew better not to dig deep otherwise something would become between him and Maddy.

'Why does Kai hate me?' Ian thought as he dragged his feet to the room they ate in before. 'Was it something I did? I said sorry to Maddy... Maybe it's Maddy! He might think that I like her... more than average and he might like her too! Hmm... I just don't want him nagging at me, and bullying me anymore..'

Ian sighed, and went to get his breakfast.

‘Why did I ever agree to let him join?' Kai thought sleepishly, 'He’s so freakin’ annoying, and trying to suck up when he’s in trouble. I can’t even believe that Maddy is okay with him!”

Kai sighed and turned over and went to sleep.

Outside, Maddy was having a great time, slowly making Eve stronger and bigger. She seemed to grow a bit after growing a level, but she was still small. This didn’t really bother Maddy, as Eve was perfect in her own way.

“Eve! Use Tackle!” Maddy shouted at Eve. Eve nodded and tackled the near-by Pidgey, almost knocking it out in one go. The Pidgey, dazed and confused, tried to fly off, Eve was too quick for it, charging again and taking it down.

“Yeah Eve! You are the best!” Maddy cheered. Eve squealed in excitement and danced around the grass, running in complete circles.

Maddy smiled. The only thing that could ruin her bursts of joy, are Kai and
Ian, who were always constantly bickering over nothing. Maddy sighed. That now had ruined her happiness. Sensing something was going on, Eve jumped up into Maddy's arms, and tried to tickle her, and make her happy again.

"Don't worry Eve, I'm fine, let's just get back to our training!" Maddy laughed and Eve jumped back onto the ground and searched for more pokemon.

Maddy snapped out of her trance and joined the search. It took quite a while, since they had been training for a while.

Maddy heard a rustling sound, and a quiet sigh. Maddy smiled, thinking a pokemon was close by somewhere.


Eve!” Maddy whispered, but Eve didn’t seem to hear her, as she kept wondering around, her nose firmly sticking to the ground. Maddy shook her head, and quietly brushed past the bush. Behind it was a small, dark crack in a cliff.


Maddy poked her head in, and looked around for something interesting. Another moan caught her attention, and Maddy looked in the direction of the sound. A large, sad eye could only be seen in the darkness that swallowed the rest of the body.


“Are you okay?” Maddy said gently, and tried to move further into the cave.


It only stared at her, tears welling up in its eyes. Maddy felt a hint of sadness, but tried to see it's face.


“C’mon, chin up!” Maddy smiled at the mystery pokemon, but it only continued to stare at her.


“Cue…” the pokemon muttered, and turned it’s back to Maddy.


‘A Cubone?’ Maddy sighed, and crawled out of the crack.


“Cue! Cubone!” Cubone rushed out of the hole and looked Maddy in the eye.


“What is it?” Maddy bent down to his height and smiled warmly. Eve came sprinting into the scene,
puffing and panting. It seemed to have been in a long battle and just won, by a tight thread. She took a final breath and fell to the ground, totally worn out.


“Cubone…” the cubone gave Eve a funny look and poked her with his bone. Maddy laughed as Eve fidgeted and moaned as Cubone poked her some more. While he was distracted, Maddy stood up, and slowly took a pokeball off her belt. Maddy clutched the ball waiting for the opportune moment.


‘Wait ‘till Kai sees this! He’ll be so jealous!’ Maddy grinned smugly and threw the pokeball at Cubone.
Cubone looked up at Maddy again with those large, puppy-dog eyes before the ball hit him, and a red light swallowed him, and threw him into the ball. It rattled, shook and turned for a moment. It finally rested and Maddy picked it up.


“Yeah Eve! We have a Cubone!” Eve smiled back happily, and gave a ‘it’s-time-to-go-home-now-‘ look.


“You wanna go home? Yeah, I guess we should, I’m hungry!” Maddy smiled and looked back to the ball
she held tightly in her hands.


“Shy… Shya I’ll call you…” Maddy muttered to the pokeball, clicking it back to her belt and following Eve back to the PokeCentre.

Scarlet Weather November 24th, 2006 3:00 PM

Hmm.... not bad. I see some improvement here in the attack descriptions, good job, keep improving, yadda, yadda, yadda. And yes, I understand getting sidetracked by school. But there are a few things you need to deal with in this story to make it easier to read- I know that last time you didn't quite appreciate my sadistic response, so I'm going to tone it down a bit this time, OK? Well, now we begin.

The first problem I saw was that you mixed up "You're", which is "You are", and "Your", or "belonging to you" at least once. This is an easy mistake to make, and I have done it more than once myself, so just remember you are not alone. Be careful when writing this next time. The second glaringly obvious mistake I found was also a grammar error. You used the numbers 2,5, etc. instead of the words two, five, etc. In proper writing form, you always write out the word instead of the number unless the number is greater then a certain amount- I forget how high it has to be before you can write the actual number instead of the word, but you get my drift. Finally, there is one instance in which you accidentally switched from past tense verb (was, did, beat) to present tense (is, are, beating). Here it is (and I quote):
Quote:

Maddy smiled. The only thing that could ruin her bursts of joy, are Kai and
Ian, who were always constantly bickering over nothing.
You see? Right there in the second sentence you placed "are" instead of "were". Easy mistake, be on the lookout next time. Additionally, you might want to learn a little more about how to use commas. You seem to just be sprinkling them in whenever you need a pause in the sentence- that is not how a comma works. Just like any other punctuation mark, commas have strict rules when it comes to their usage, and if you break the rules you risk having a giant grammar teacher appear from nowhere and eat you alive. ;:_:

I can forgive your poor sentence structure for now, but only because you are just starting out. By the way, slight apology for earlier- it's hard for me to remember that begginers can't always measure up to my standards. Anyway, I have one slight gripe about the plot- feel free to ignore it, but it would probably do you some good to listen. Or it might roast your brains out. Keh.

My one plot gripe: I feel sorry for Buddy. Like most Charmanders in fanfiction that are caught by main characters, he has been abandoned, *sob*, by his evil trainer. Why is it always Charmander that are abandoned? Why not Chikorita, or Cyndaquil, or even Cubone? Poor Charmander. They need to form a union or something.

Yeah. I'm done now.

Skymin November 24th, 2006 5:49 PM

Thanks ACC okay, now to reply to it..
Yeah, I'm always mixing them up even when i try to think about it. Probably because im on MSN while writing the story, i do try to use my best grammer for these things!
I thought that Microsoft Word would pick up most gramitical errors, so i do get locked between the past and the present. Mainly because i do RP so, it's kinda hard to think and do...
Charmander, because I'm using the exact same team as in my RP, cause I like that team :)
and i couldn't think of a good story of them meeting up, can you try to think up something to replace it?

Scarlet Weather November 25th, 2006 4:37 AM

Well... I'm not sure. Usually in my stories, I tend to avoid giving a Charmander to my characters so I won't have to think about that. Personally, as this is a made-up region, I would have just made Charmander a common Pokemon- hey, they have to be common SOMEWHERE- and had Maddy catch him after a long and humorous battle, possibly involving her slipping up and continually getting her butt kicked. After defeating her, the Charmander could then join her because she needs "some proffesional help", or she'll "flunk out at the first gym she comes to". Alternatively, you could have Buddy come in a trade with some eccentric old man for a common Pokemon that he happens to be enamored with. But that's really just my writing style- if you want an alternate story, it would be best to come up with your own, rather then relying on the ideas of another.

ProtrainerEon November 25th, 2006 10:41 AM

I have a reply. Nice chapter as always. I'll leave the spelling mistakes to ACC, who is supposed to be ashes as we speak. O_o?

So anyways, instead of Spark I think the Gym Leader's Eevee should have Mist Ball. You know Shadow Ball Vs. Mist Ball? Light and Dark? lol.

Skymin November 25th, 2006 11:49 AM

great ideas guys. ill have a think about it, but the old man one seems great :)

Rena Ryuugu November 25th, 2006 12:49 PM

Great "chapter"!! I REALLY liked the conversation between Eve and Charmander. It was very well written. *holds up "#1 fan" sign*

Keep up the good work~

Skymin November 25th, 2006 2:19 PM

thanks! although i may be changing that section :P
i need more ideas on teh old man...
crazy old coot with a scared charmander that he wants to get rid of? IDEAS PEOPLE! lol
not to sound demanding ...

ProtrainerEon November 25th, 2006 3:30 PM

What about...a strange Pokemon has been stealing from the Pokemon Center? It stole from the center because it's trainer did not feed it? Then Maddy befriends it. Or...what if Maddy actually MET the trainer terrorizing the poor lizard by beating it, and she challenges him to a battle. Winner takes Charmander! Sidenote - if he won, what if the Charmander gets mad at him and scratches him, then runs and jumps up into Maddy's arms?

O_O

Skymin November 25th, 2006 4:02 PM

Eon, that was the original plan actually! Not all the detail, but winner takes Charmander...
hmm it's so hard to decide!!
Maybe i should just keep going with the story, and add the old coot later...

Scarlet Weather November 25th, 2006 5:20 PM

Oh, please no. No abused Charmander getting taken in a battle. Leave that to those who write Mary-Sue fics, please. (Come to think of it, I saw that in a Mary-Sue parody once- the guy abandoned the Charmander after it lost.) Anyway, the "crazy old man" idea wasn't entirely mine... I kinda got the idea from one of the few Advanced Generation anime episodes I watched- it was the one with the school for Pokemon referees in it. I thought the old Magikarp Man was funny, so I kept the idea in cold storage. As I have said, no "fight teh evil, mean trainer". Actually, having the Charmander getting beaten up by the trainer is slightly dumb, as the Pokemon would probably just barbecue the guy and leave him on the ground smoking in self defence, then abandon him. Yeah. The only Charmander to have actually been abused belonged to Daisuke (I forget his English name...). That particular Charmander, you note, was not abused in any other way then by being left out in the rain- serious for the Charmander, yeah, but it only worked because the Charmander loved its trainer, right up until the end where it barbequed him like a hot tamale. A very hot tamale. So yeah, please do not write in an abusive trainer. Leave abused Charmander to the incompetent writers with no talent or imagination and the master writers who pull it off so well that they can get away with it. Keh. If you really want an original idea, have her receive the Charmander in a trade from a trainer who was abused by it. That might be fun...

Additionally, Eon, what's with the whole "gym leader's Eevee needs a special attack" shtick? Shouldn't the Eevee just battle using its own moves? And on top of that, Mist Ball is exclusively used by Latias, and last I checked she wasn't entering into any love affairs with Eevee evolutions... Ash maybe, but no Eeveelutions. If Maddy wrote that in, the Altoshippers would crawl out of the woodwork and eat her alive. I might help- I hate irrational shippings.

I suddenly notice that I have somehow become one of the team of plot writers involved with this fanfic. You'd better give me some credit if you post this elsewhere, young lady, or I'll go "ninja-lawyer" on you! *pulls out numchucks*

Oh, Eon, the reason I am not ash is that Pokemon USA called me and told me to stop because they had the sole rights to Ash. Besides, I'm a ground type at heart.

FullmetalxFangirl November 25th, 2006 6:59 PM

XD Wouldn't it be hilarious if Ash's child ended up being able to use mist ball ..? But Nintendo wouldn't poison our minds with such implications, hmm? X3

Yes, I agree with ACC. Your spelling and grammar have improved somewhat since the last chapter, although I still have issues with Joe's odd sounds. Perhaps, if you use less, you could use a sentence structure like, "My name is-" He made an odd sound that sounded like a combination between a drowning cat and nails on a chalkboard. "- Joe. Who're you?" or something to that effect. Just so that it flows better. As far as I know, asterisks aren't used in any works of literature ... I don't even know why they exist. O.o I assume only when you're bullet-pointing stuff, but ... oh well.

VAMPIRES.

Oh mah. Yes, the discussion of charmander ... I think you should either make it a common pokémon in whichever area Maddison is currently in, or have her recieve it in a trade. Poor, abused charmander is, as it has been pointed out, a complete and utter cliché reserved for works of
Sue-ism. Also, if you have it as a rare pokémon or a gift, and it just happens to be that it's charmander season as she passes by or just happens to bump into a trainer who has a charmander and feels like giving it away for no apparent reason is very illogical. A sign of a good author is being able to think of logical explanation for each and every twist and turn and up and down and left and right their story may take, that could happen in a normal situation in real life (excepting the whole 'pokémon exist' factor). So there you go. Something simple that anyone else could do should go over well here ... Or maybe just don't have the charmander at all. D: Growlithe is nice. And numel is aggravatingly common. <3

Just for the records, Dexter doesn't give info on stats; I think pokénav/pokégear/pokétech (take your pick XP) does that. If it doesn't, it at least makes a bit more sense. And if Maddison doesn't have one ... Sucks to be her. You don't see Ash checking the stats of his 'monners, and in the anime, they very rarely make actual references to levels or stat gains. The anime, in this case, is the whole real life thing.

Ash is a Mary-Sue Gary-Stu! D: It's the classic sign of 'Chosen One-dom' and illogical victories! RUN FOR THE HILLS, I SAY! THE HILLS! >___<

... In other words, don't use Ash as your example. D:

And update soon, la~

Skymin November 25th, 2006 7:43 PM

okay, I got completely confused on the "Ash" part.... O.o
And Fullmetal, it's actually Madelaine (not Maddison) since that's my name, and I don't really feel like making up a name, as i usually use the same ones, (Haily, Riley yadda yadda)
another pokemon instead of Charmander you say?
hmm, something strong yet cutey :) Not growlithe since Ian has one, and it's kinda awkward writing about two, and besides, everyone loves variety!
Maybe.... (just staring at a couple of trainer cards lol)
okay, so far we have a normal, fire, steel and ghost...
Maybe umm lol argh!
A pichu maybe.... sounds good? or a pidgey...
Or maybe a Plusle or Minun, help me?

ProtrainerEon November 26th, 2006 6:05 AM

Uh...What about a Larvitar...XD I consider them cute/tough.???

Scarlet Weather November 26th, 2006 9:33 AM

Hey, Fullmetal, leave Ash alone. It's bad enough for the poor guy that his personality is poorly written and that he is a complete retard without people saying that he wins all of his battles illogically. Give the kid a break. He has lost before, y'know.... but yeah, he makes a sucky example for a fanfic author. Use him not. And as for the replacement Pokemon, don't use Larvitar- they may not be as rare as Charmander, but giving one to a beggining trainer is kinda dumb... go out on a limb. I'd suggest Aipom, Spinda, or Slugma. They'd be nice.

Skymin November 26th, 2006 12:29 PM

I really want something to evolve... any thoughts on that?

Scarlet Weather November 26th, 2006 12:47 PM

Aipom does become Etebossu, you know... but really, I have one Pokemon I'd prefer if you MUST have an evolver. (Are you ready for this....)

CUBONE.

Dios Mios, poor Cubone! Never been owned by a recurring character, always lonely, slightly creepy yet also cute- Cubone is perfect! Plus, you don't have to worry too much about its personality, as Cubone ar rather lonely by nature...

Oh, one final thing- have Maddy lose at some point. Badly. Avoid Sue-ism at all costs. Even if Maddy's Pokemon evolve, have her lose. In one of my favorite fanfics, in fact, the main character lost EVERY battle that his Pokemon evolved in. Bummer. But still better then "Ooh, looky! I'm an unbeatable begginer with my runty Eevee who uses uber-powerful attacks that aren't even naturally learned by Eevee! LOOKY!"

Yeah, I'm feeling a little psycho right now...

Rena Ryuugu November 26th, 2006 1:07 PM

I was told to post this here...?

Name: Sarah
Age: 8
Status: Tag Along/New Trainer
Pokemon: Skitty, Cherimu
Apperance/Personality: A spunky little girl with long light brown hair that reaches her waistline. She wears two Pikachu barettes to hold back her bangs, and she wears a summer-type dress that has a daisy print. She believes that shes stronger than she really is.

ProtrainerEon November 26th, 2006 1:44 PM

I also suggest a Horsea. It is cute but can be tough. Especially if it learned some strong water move. It also can evolve to be powerful. Ever consider Maddy having the dragon/water evo of Horsea later on?

EDIT - Sarah, trainers can't be 8 years old.

Skymin November 26th, 2006 10:59 PM

hmm great ideas.. i really like the lonely cubone, but horsea sounds good tooo uugh!
Oh yeah, and if a gym leader can be 6, im sure a trainer can be 8, hmm?
Quote:

How about it being run by a testy little girl, like six years old? LOL. That would be completely contrary from what you'd expect.

Scarlet Weather November 27th, 2006 12:37 PM

I'm pretty sure gym leaders cannot be younger then ten either... Eon, you evil hypocrite! *sporks*

Well, now that I've insulted someone, I do feel the need to ask whether or not I should throw in a character of my own. It seems like everyone else is doing it... at this rate, we may as well call this thing "Pokemon- Elemental Islands: written by Maddy and her entourage". Technically, we aren't writing it, but...

Skymin November 27th, 2006 1:16 PM

I dont care if you take some of the credit.. lol cause you did help me write it
i had an idea, well, it's pretty dumb and just gives me an excuse to have more time to write, but each chapter we take turns?
that way its easier for me (lol) and you guys get more credit

Rena Ryuugu November 27th, 2006 1:27 PM

OOOOoooOOOoooo!!! I wanna do that! What does everyone else think?

(... Do I have permission to write chapters even though I haven't quite been here the whole time?)

Scarlet Weather November 27th, 2006 2:57 PM

Umm.... we may as well throw the gate open. I came here as a reviewer, and now I'm asked to ghostwrite? *sweatdrops*

We probably shouldn't do that, Maddy, as you are the originator, and because I'm fairly sure there's a rule against this somewhere. Also, not all of us would like the way the others are portraying the characters, and to top it all off I would probably twist the plot in ways that are really hard to understand, and attempt to add some sort of angst or phobia to Maddy so she comes off as a more believable character- possibly making her some sort of a pervaphobe, like my own female main character. She hides the fact that she's scared of most guys be lashing out savagely, but it is a phobia nonetheless... bu that wouldn't work well here. Give me more of a character to work with, though, and maybe I'll agree. My final problem with the idea is that all of us are at different levels when it comes to writing, and that would make all of the chapters written by those of us with less talent look really crappy compared to the ones written by the uber-writers of the gang. If we really want to get involved, why doesn't each of us come up with the history of a character, in detail, then send it to Maddy? That way, we can be sure that we're involved, and we don't risk writing conflicts. We should probably make the history flexible enough to be written in a style that isn't quite our own without too much conflict, but otherwise it's a no-holds-barred thing. I would enjoy doing that, anyway...

Volta. November 27th, 2006 8:37 PM

Im kinda shying away from the idea, as we dont really want this turning into a really powerplayed RP, as thats what an RP is for ^_^;

DragonQueenRachel November 27th, 2006 10:10 PM

Hey DragonRyder, mind putting my carachter in from the rp? I don't mind, as long as I don't see any, abuse of my trust.

Same team, same description, same everything, including a lack of tolerance for annoyingly hyper people.

Scarlet Weather November 28th, 2006 12:49 PM

*stares at people wanting to be included*

STOP THE PRESSES! EXTRA! EXTRA! MADDY HARASSED TO PLACE EXTRA CHARACTERS IN THE STORY FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON! ROLEPLAYS RENDERED INNOCUOUS! EXTRA!

Sheesh, people! Do we really need Maddy to write in a character for everyone who posts? The cast has been pretty well established, so we have no need for more recurring characters- the only appearances our characters would get would probably be cameos, unless Maddy is forming a gang or something...

DragonQueenRachel November 28th, 2006 1:20 PM

*hits Cubone on the head with the Rod of Ragnarok* Who asked you? I just wanted to be in the fanfiction.

Pikachu_Charizard November 28th, 2006 8:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonQueenRachel (Post 2299835)
*hits Cubone on the head with the Rod of Ragnarok* Who asked you? I just wanted to be in the fanfiction.

This is turning into a RPG , and I can`t believe I`m saying this but Art Critic Cubone is right.

DragonQueenRachel November 28th, 2006 8:44 PM

Do you want me to hit you too?

Pikachu_Charizard November 28th, 2006 8:48 PM

Actually.......I`m not sure.
But seriously, this is REALLY turning into a fanfiction with pointless guest appearences.

FullmetalxFangirl November 28th, 2006 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pikachu_Charizard (Post 2300100)
Actually.......I`m not sure.
But seriously, this is REALLY turning into a fanfiction with pointless guest appearences.

Maybe ... But it's fun to watch. <3 I want to see where she's going to take this. Might be good ... but people really need to tone down on signging up. Or at least make it less obvious. ::coughPM SYSTEMcough::

DragonQueenRachel November 29th, 2006 4:26 AM

Besides, its not your choice anyway.

ProtrainerEon November 29th, 2006 4:03 PM

Who cares about her choice? Whether we agree or not, it's her fic. *shrugs*

Pikachu_Charizard November 29th, 2006 8:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonQueenRachel (Post 2300242)
Besides, its not your choice anyway.

It`s not your`s either, let`s just wait until DragonRyder says something.

Skymin November 29th, 2006 10:03 PM

lol Im back guys!
Sorry, i know its a bit of a bad idea...
i was just tired lol.. i have too many excuses!

Im not trying to make a gang, although we do have our main charachters
and i want everyone who wants to be included, can be included, but ill write...
school is almost finished and all assesments are almost done
so i can get to more writing
not to mention my long list awaiting me at my Tcard shop... :)
and can we stop fighting?!
i agree this is turning into a RP if we do exchange chapters... so ill just write and we can exchange ideas
I really want my elemental islands to be a sucess (whether it be a fanfic, rp, or if someone decides to make a hack ^_^) and, yeah
so no applications for the moment! okay? later
plus, can we have a "vote" for charachters we like, and dont like, and who we can ditch or not
(except maddy and Kai, as they are the main charachters)

Scarlet Weather November 30th, 2006 2:15 PM

Ah, yes... by the way, Pikachu_Charizard, what was that about "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Art_Critic_Cubone is right"? I'm always right unless I'm wrong, foolish mortal!

Anyway... this whole thing has gone a little too far. I'm a bit shocked that everyone here except Fullmetal seems to think I have something wrong with me- I do not. I'm simply a very demanding person when it comes to writing, whether it be my own or others. I wish people would really be harder on me, come to think of it. It would make editing SO much easier.

Now, back to Maddy's idea... (by the way, when I made the comment about forming a gang I was referring to the character Maddy, not you, m'dear.) Including characters from every reviewer is obviously going to be over the top, so we do need to vote- and if this is going to be a team "Let's join up with Maddy and help her write" type thing, we should definitely move all responses that are not 'good job Maddy' or 'you really could've done better'... to the PM system. Putting them out in plain sight is bad. Very bad. It gives the whole plot away. Could we at least put them in spoiler tags?

Anyway... I have a better idea if we all really need to get involved. It came to me when Maddy said something about a hack. Why don't we just all write a single fanfiction series set in Maddy's elemental islands universe, then have them all converge? We could give Maddy credit as initiator, get the fun of creating new stories, and work together... fun! Additionally, one of us could create a website just for the fic... I always wanted to create a website anyway, so I'd be glad to get one up as soon as I finish my HTmL course and get a host. All those in favor, say "aye"?

Char: Aye!
Ryou: Aye!
Jack: Aye!
Eddie: Aye!

Me: Will you be quiet? All of you are fanfic characters! Your votes don't count!

FullmetalxFangirl November 30th, 2006 6:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art_Critic_Cubone (Post 2301333)
Ah, yes... by the way, Pikachu_Charizard, what was that about "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Art_Critic_Cubone is right"? I'm always right unless I'm wrong, foolish mortal!

Anyway... this whole thing has gone a little too far. I'm a bit shocked that everyone here except Fullmetal seems to think I have something wrong with me- I do not. I'm simply a very demanding person when it comes to writing, whether it be my own or others. I wish people would really be harder on me, come to think of it. It would make editing SO much easier.

Now, back to Maddy's idea... (by the way, when I made the comment about forming a gang I was referring to the character Maddy, not you, m'dear.) Including characters from every reviewer is obviously going to be over the top, so we do need to vote- and if this is going to be a team "Let's join up with Maddy and help her write" type thing, we should definitely move all responses that are not 'good job Maddy' or 'you really could've done better'... to the PM system. Putting them out in plain sight is bad. Very bad. It gives the whole plot away. Could we at least put them in spoiler tags?

Anyway... I have a better idea if we all really need to get involved. It came to me when Maddy said something about a hack. Why don't we just all write a single fanfiction series set in Maddy's elemental islands universe, then have them all converge? We could give Maddy credit as initiator, get the fun of creating new stories, and work together... fun! Additionally, one of us could create a website just for the fic... I always wanted to create a website anyway, so I'd be glad to get one up as soon as I finish my HTmL course and get a host. All those in favor, say "aye"?

Char: Aye!
Ryou: Aye!
Jack: Aye!
Eddie: Aye!


Sounds like a good idea. :3 But I seriously can't be bothered writing a fanfic. When I do, I usually get mauled by plot bunnies and have to stuff it all into a dark closet.

::muffled sounds from nearby closet as fanfiction characters desperately try to fend off plot bunnies::

.... ^^" So yeah. It's a good idea, but some people are not skilled writers or just don't have time to update enough, or just can't be bothered writing a fanfic. So feh. I say we take a vote.

I say nay! NEEEIIGGGH~ <3 Only because it's impractical. -hug- You're still a good author and I still don't think you have anything wrong with you. T_T

Volta. November 30th, 2006 6:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art_Critic_Cubone (Post 2301333)
Anyway... this whole thing has gone a little too far. I'm a bit shocked that everyone here except Fullmetal seems to think I have something wrong with me- I do not. I'm simply a very demanding person when it comes to writing, whether it be my own or others. I wish people would really be harder on me, come to think of it. It would make editing SO much easier.

Actually, Ive been more indifferent to your opinions rather than in denial of them, but thats beside the point

As for the fic-page, I'd say aye, but Im not paying for a domain name! ^_^ but I do know some HTML, if we happen to get one...


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