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Old May 25th, 2006 (10:10 AM).
Saffire Persian's Avatar
Saffire Persian Saffire Persian is offline
Feline of Light and Shadow
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: Utah
    Age: 30
    Gender: Female
    Nature: Adamant
    Posts: 140

    Thanks for your review! I'm happy for whatever reviews I get, and I'm very appreciative that you decided to do so.

    The opening poem doesn't seem to flow too well, as it didn't really click to Naminé. Unfortunately, Naminé does not know much about how to write poetry, so she fails to provide a possible way for improvement on this matter...
    I agree that the poem doesn't flow especially well - and when it comes down to it, I'm a beginner at poetry. It's definitely not my strong point. Hopefully the little poems will become better with practice as time goes on.

    "(But the Viridian Forest has many places to hide.)" does it really need the brackets? Naminé thinks that it should be fine without...
    Ah, the brackets... Well, ever since I wrote my first Second Person One-shot (This is the second) Brackets have become a weird stylistic thing of mine, I'm afraid. I'm trying to cut down on them, though.

    The "it" after "(You think. You know. You want to hope.)" needs to be capitalized due to the period. Surely it is only a silly mistake though, as the story is very enjoyable so far. Caterpie is adorable, as always~ So cute... ^-^

    Naminé really liked the unique second person a lot, but perhaps that maybe due to her biased love for anything absurd, as shown by her personal third person talk. The story gave Naminé a very realistic feeling, since the story skillfully combined this world with the Pokemon world. It incorporated a daily life type of scenario, talking about the usual conflicts between little children, and how it happened in the Pokemon world. Though some may complain that there is a lack of action, Naminé always like these little nitpicks of life. It's interesting in its own right, and they are usually very strong in character details and backgrounds too. The choice of words and structure really show a sense of innocense and childish thinking within it too, so it makes it relate to the boy and Stella quite a bit. It is very fitting.
    Yes, lack of action. It's one of the things that has been commented on, as I know I'll need to keep the readers interested. In the Childhood stage there isn't as much action planned for it, though as time goes by, the action does pick up, and things start to move a bit. The Childhood stage's main purpose is to introduce the characters.

    Let's move on to the next part then?

    Again, the daily little specks of life is what makes a story so real to Naminé, so of course this is a very enjoyable read once more. To a certain extent, the story reminds Naminé of her uncles and aunts too... Not the standard adventure story, but like the quote at the end, it was focusing on family. Instead of talking about some legendary quests or heroes, the story is talking about the usual nobodies in the Pokemon World and their normal life. Naminé likes it~
    No, not the standard adventure story. :... No thrilling adventure quests - I was hoping to get across that even the "nobodies" as you fittingly put it, are actually worth reading about.

    This poem is a lot better flow and somehow clicks better to Naminé... but like what she said before, she is no expert on poems (or on anything.)
    Some improvement. Good.

    "you knew what it was that she was mad over, and that worried you." Naminé thinks that throughout the story there are a few cases where a word is used more frequently than it should.
    I agree on that. I'm afraid I need to work on my proof-reading skills, as well.

    "If your father was at all affected by your mother’s very loud outburst, he doesn’t so it. " Perhaps it means "doesn't show it?" Naminé thinks that is what it should be written as...
    *goes to kill mistakes.*

    Once again, it is no surprise to Naminé by now that she loves the chapter. Same style, same anything as always... she loved the pansy joke at the end. Ian would be extra cute if he is named Pansy~
    Oddly enough, I've gotten a similar comment about the pansy name.

    It is only a huge straining factor for Naminé's curiosity if she does not get to find out who the narrator is for the story...
    Narrator? Do you mean the main character's name?

    Also, she wonders if there is any connection between this story and the Metamorphosis book in real life?
    Umm... I don't think so. I've never read the real Metamorphosis book myself.

    Usually authors search for an original title that isn't taken by any other fanfics or any real books in existance, so why Metamorphosis...?
    I choose the name Metamorphosis, because this story follows the central character (and Ian) through their lives as individuals. There are three stages, as you know, in metamorphosis. Caterpillar, Chrysalis, then Butterfly, and this story is no different. It's divided into three distinct stages, Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood.

    Also, he word metamorphosis is also connected to change, and I intend to show the change in the characters as they grow up. (About to age 22 give or take)... Not to mention, Ian's a caterpillar himself. ;

    I hope that explains it.

    Battle ye not with a monster, lest ye become one.

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