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Old August 12th, 2007 (12:38 PM).
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Astinus Astinus is offline
Remember NovEnder
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,936
First time I ever read "miosis" in a Pokemon fanfic. xD But as Steven said, you do have good word choices when describing things.

The one thing that bothers me is the random line breaks in your chapters. You place sentences alone in a new paragraph when they could have easily been combined with previous paragraphs.

There's not much else I can say. I figure that others might have a problem with Jeff starting so late, but I really don't care. As long as you finally posted this story. :p I'm going to keep reading this, of course.

Now nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody speaks my name
I'm just another blister in the mouth of shame
A bug in Ender's Game

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