View Single Post
Old September 8th, 2007 (8:07 PM).
Gummy's Avatar
Gummy Gummy is offline
by fire be P U R G E D
  • Gold Tier
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Nature: Naughty
Posts: 4,533
I guess I'll review you the same way you did me:

Plot: Not much to say in this area, as you seem to be following the same plot as the R/S/E games. That's okay, though, since Jeff's still at the beginning of his journey. Guess I gotta wait 'til later for the real plot twist.

Description: I wasn't really "wowed" in this area. I have absolutely no idea what Kristie looks like (unless you described her in a previous chapter O.o). Also, you failed to tell use how Oldale Town looks. I haven't played any GBA Pokemon game in years and I really have no idea on how any of those towns look. This however, only goes for the surroundings. When it comes to describing battles, you get an A.

Charatcers: This is where you excel. You create personalities for characters in a way that I don't even have to read "Insert Text" yelled (insert name) to know who's talking. And I must say, I love that Corphish XD

Other: Although I believed it was mentioned at SPPF, when stating nubers below 100, they should be spelled out. Also, although it may only pertain to me, "Ok" should be spelled "Okay".

Monotype Fire Challenge
Reply With Quote