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Old January 2nd, 2008 (12:18 PM).
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Bay Alexison Bay Alexison is offline
O, Dance of Devotion!
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Join Date: May 2006
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(Decided to post my reply here too DarkPersian as sometimes Serebii's lag is bad :X)


Good, because I was wondering why the two officers wouldn't find the situation suspicious. Odds are that if a car was stopped at a stop sign (especially if it was stolen) when Jenny radioed Timmy, it would be long gone by the time Timmy and Lucas made it up to her location.
Yeah, it will be explained and it's something Jenny isn't fond of. XD Also, they Timmy's tracking meter so they'll be able to know where that car went...XD

I think someone needs to tell the officers that the whole plan is needlessly complex. Like Bunny (and apparently Butler as well), I was confused as to why certain things were done and how they were done. The tracking device did seem to come out of nowhere. Then there's the car parked at the stop sign instead of driving off.
Don't worry, a couple of people will. XD And about you being tell you the truth, I'm kind of both worried and glad at the same time. ^O^; Happy that you can relate to Bunny being confused too. On the other hand, I'm afraid because if its' too confusion that you and the other readers will get mad at me until the later chapters will come...=0

Of the tracking devices, yeah they seemed like they came out of nowhere at first, but in next chapter it will become clear. Also, of the car...well, Jenny just pick the car she saw first and then let the Driftblm put that tracking device behind the car. Also, the car stopping is in a way good so that it later willl make Timmy and Lucas think Bunny ran away and "hitchhike" a car when they look in the tracking meter. That's the best explination I can give. ^^;

Now, I do like the idea of the "arrest" serving as merely a ruse for some bigger and more elaborate plan, and you did handle it well enough, but there were a few things that just seemed unrealistic.
(Sighs) Nothing else I can say but that I try to have the situations as realistic as possible. At least if certain events are not things you could come across every day then I hope the characters' thoughts, feelings, and motives are realistic.

And to tell you the truth...part one of this story, though I like it, is a bit tougher and slower for me to write. There's a few things I need to build on and also some things I should leave out until the later chapters. That and it's a bit more similar to "Da Vinci Code", which I try my best to put a different spin. Part Two I enjoyed reading more because that's where the themes and character development becomes more clearer and it's less similar to "Da Vinci Code". Also, I originally was about to not do the arrest arc, but then I decided to put that arc in as later on...lets just say that will be later important in a few of the character's development.

Sorry that I sounded a bit disappointed and depressed. It's just that even though yes I like constructive criticism as it helps me try my best on the latter chapters, part of me felt scared that the later chapters might fail and readers won't stick around for Part Two. Again, Part One here is moreso of building up some things and getting to know the characters' personalities and motives and then Part Two is where things are going to be more indepth.

Don't worry though. I will try my best to improve and have the situations and feelings as realistic as possible. :)

With that said, I am definitely looking forward to the chapter when everything is explained, including the real motives of the officers.
Glad you'll still be sticking around. I hope the next chapter will heed your expectations. ^^
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