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Old March 25th, 2008 (7:31 AM). Edited March 25th, 2008 by Sydian.
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Sydian Sydian is offline
i'm not jesus
  • Crystal Tier
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Alabama
Age: 25
Nature: Timid
Posts: 32,179
Very nice. ;D It's so funny...I'm funny at school, but that's only cause I can do funny voices and accents...and I can't put that into writing, so I think I'll stick to dread. xD

Anyway...I found some little things...

“What’s up with this place?” grumbled Wes. “No restaurants, no fast food takeaways - heck, there’s not even a shoddy kebab stand in sight!”
Do you mean 'kabob'? Of course, if you're in Australia then maybe it's something over there. X.x But...just something I wondered about. Same with shoddy...I don't know what that means either.

“Gah! What is it with you? He’s my… I mean Wes! Be a man - stomp her down!” shouted Rui.

“Stamp? Who, me?” retorted the newcomer. “Ahaha! That’s a laugh! I’ll go easy on you... Hang on, where’d he go?” asked the girl. Rui turned - there was no sign of Wes, who had evidently chosen this moment to leave the dispute. Frowning furiously, she turned around, abruptly kicked the girl in the leg and marched off through a Pokemon battle, ignoring the cries of protest from the trainers and Pokemon alike.
I notice you use 'stomp' when Rui is talking to the chick, but when that girl repeats it, she says 'stamp'. Try keeping it the same word...especially if someone is quoting another person.

Ha, I'm still at school. -sneaky-

≫ i will not forgive ≪
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