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Old May 3rd, 2008 (4:01 AM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
that evil mod from hell
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Location: Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
    Age: 29
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    Meh, I've been taking far, FAR too much time with getting this review posted. Sorry about that, things got sort of hectic with double camp in the military (and all the pre-camp stressing that went with it), but late still beats never, right?

    Originally Posted by Jax Malcolm View Post
    She hesitated for the first few seconds, the corners of her mouth pulling down again a bit more. However, reluctantly, she nodded slowly. Sebastian exhaled out of relief.
    The more times I recite that underlined bit for myself, the weirder it sounds to me. o.o There are just too many adverbials here, so maybe reword that somehow?

    Originally Posted by Jax Malcolm View Post
    Knight Tide: Duel with Knight Tide. Award for completion: 500 points, promotion to the next rank, and the enemy Midsummer Key. Penalty for denial: 500 points.
    Knight Tide is dueling himself? That's rather...schizophrenic. x.O You may want to edit this so Toby won't feel left out. ^^

    Originally Posted by Jax Malcolm View Post
    Not long afterwards, Blastoise hit one of the patches of ice as she went in to strike Lapras. She wobbled in her revolutions, the slick surface throwing her off. Unable to stop, she skidded into Lapras, who cried out at the sudden blow. Unfortunately, immediately, Blastoise ricocheted off Lapras and spun away from her, towards her owner. Toby gasped, watching his turtle roll rapidly towards him as she tried and failed to stop on the layer of ice. Her master knew that if he failed to move, he would be crushed by her attack, yet he, for some reason, found himself rooted to the spot.
    Another case of adverbs a bit too close for comfort. Maybe switch around the order there a little?

    Yeah, not much on that front as usual. Content-wise, I'm deeply disappointed that Viola didn't have a split-personality disorder, ahem, I'm going to commend your spontaneous choice not to create a dramatic showdown between Viola and Cesario. Everything about the last chapter's ending was screaming ' showdown', so this resolution was a nice surprise. x3 Plus, there was finally a bit more information on Viola's father. I do agree with Bay that it's slightly odd for Viola not to react at all to hearing what Knight Rose has been up to, but then I guess she was too confused/preoccupied with other things to pay much attention to that? Erm...that's the impression I got anyway. xD

    Regardless, looking forward to future installments as usual, even if I might not review as frequently as I'd like to. ^^
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