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Old October 27th, 2003 (8:56 PM).
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Omega-Brendan Omega-Brendan is offline
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    Join Date: Sep 2003
    Location: Hong Kong
    Age: 24
    Posts: 639
    Originally Posted by Meganium
    Not bad, not bad at all. A pretty nice touchy-feely story of beginning love. The description isn't bad, but I did find some redundencies. I think you mentioned a setting sun three times in one paragraph once.

    If I were to say a comment to consider for improvment, I think that this chapter was simply OK. Nothing to terribly exciting happens. If you could find a way to improve upon this, I think you have a very solid fic.

    Nice writing style too, it is very balanced.

    *gives oni flygon Mega's "Seal of Good Writing Style"*
    Not beginnin love... they were just shy to admit it in the first place! They loved each other when they first met, I think thats what oni tried to do, bring them together to admit teh stuff, they were just shy to admit it.

    "Um, I already gave it my best and I have no regrets at all"- William Hung
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    Thanks Forest Grovyle!