View Single Post
  #14    
Old October 27th, 2003 (8:56 PM).
Omega-Brendan's Avatar
Omega-Brendan Omega-Brendan is offline
Bahamut's Owner
     
    Join Date: Sep 2003
    Location: Hong Kong
    Age: 23
    Gender:
    Posts: 639
    Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Omega-Brendan
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Meganium
    Not bad, not bad at all. A pretty nice touchy-feely story of beginning love. The description isn't bad, but I did find some redundencies. I think you mentioned a setting sun three times in one paragraph once.

    If I were to say a comment to consider for improvment, I think that this chapter was simply OK. Nothing to terribly exciting happens. If you could find a way to improve upon this, I think you have a very solid fic.

    Nice writing style too, it is very balanced.

    *gives oni flygon Mega's "Seal of Good Writing Style"*
    Not beginnin love... they were just shy to admit it in the first place! They loved each other when they first met, I think thats what oni tried to do, bring them together to admit teh stuff, they were just shy to admit it.
    __________________

    "Um, I already gave it my best and I have no regrets at all"- William Hung
    I am a
    Fan!
    Thanks Forest Grovyle!