Thread: [Pokémon] Spring's Revenge
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Old March 29th, 2009 (10:50 AM).
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Psychic*Absol Psychic*Absol is offline
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    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    This is an error I saw a lot- the run-on sentance. There should be a period or semi-colon after "too" and before "yet." You often use "yet" as a joining word like "and," "or," and "but" even though "yet" is not truely a joining word. "Yet" made this sentance a run-on.
    *grumbles about how they literally teach one nothing in English* I always thought 'yet' was like 'and', 'or' and so....*makes note to herself to search through the next chapter for any 'yet'* Would it be better then to cut the sentence before the 'yet' and just make a new one?

    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Right now, the plot is a little confusing, but I think it is supposed to be. This chapter opened many questions. For instance, I'm curious to see why Sabrina has the Eevee egg (I think) and why Cynthia wants her to have the egg. I also can't wait to find out what Lucian is so worried about and what Koga is going to do about his daughter.
    Yes, it is supposed to be confusing. *g* The next chapter might either answer some questions or bring up even more, depends on how you view it.
    Well, I can at least answer one question out of these. Sabrina has the egg because she found it. *lol* It was the egg that was left after Hunter J's appearance.

    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    I was about to murder Will at this moment. Sabrina should have, actually.
    ROFL, just ROFL.... I was just about to say 'Poor guy, needs love too', but then, you're right, Will acted very thoughtless here and he will get punished. Sorta.

    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    I felt so bad for Sabrina! With the way Will has been acting, I'm glad she dumped him, but it really stinks for her.
    It does. And it will continue during the next chapter. BTW, the next chapter should be up very soon. It's finished and just needs to be beta-read. ^^
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