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Old April 21st, 2009 (7:35 AM).
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PBFHDude PBFHDude is offline
Fire Type Trainer
     
    Join Date: Apr 2009
    Location: Neon Town (Kanto)
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    Nature: Impish
    Posts: 97
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rabbit View Post
    There's one part of your story that doesn't make sense. (Aside from the fact that Charizard isn't found in the wild.) If the protagonist has already defeated the League, why is he going out for badges? Shouldn't all his Pokemon be super strong? There's no point in starting at the end of the story, as it were.

    Without that, your storyline is pretty bare - go and find your little brother Noah. And, of course, pick up badges on the way. It needs some fleshing out. If the ending is nothing more than Noah being rescued and the baddies ending up in jail, it's going to fall flat.



    If everything up until blacking out and waking up is one long cutscene, I think it can be safely cut out. Is it really significant that the protagonist arrives on a plane? Or that he likes to play on his Nintendo?

    I'm intrigued about where the story goes from that point. Why are there gym leaders on the island?
    K fair enough uve got a point. i guess it needs some work. io just wanted to try out an idea. if uve got a way i could improve this it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for the feedback.
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