Thread: [Pokémon] Spring's Revenge
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Old April 28th, 2009 (10:26 AM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    First off, I love the chapter name. =)
    Heheh, one of my more fitting ones. But don't worry, there will be more of them.
    After all, there is an obvious pattern behind my chapter naming *shot*.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Mixing up "will" and "but" again. You did it a couple of other times, but I gave up copying them all here. In general, there were fewer of these mix-ups than the last chapter.
    It's like CPF said (thanks for the back-up, btw ^.~), it's the name "Will", not the verb. ^^

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Yet she couldn’t care less; she had to show the world how great she felt, how lucky she was, how good everything had turned out. She had the cutest boy in the whole of Indigo in her hands, and no one, absolutely no one, was ever going to take him away from her now. Her friends might think now that she was egoistical, keeping Will all for herself, when the original plan had only been getting his mind off Sabrina, and then starting yet another competition for his heart, but who cared? Not her, not her.

    Changes bolded. That second last sentance is also a run-on. I would break it up somewhere.
    *mumbles something about Sabrina not having any friends* Meh, I like long sentences too much. Short ones sound so...unprofessional and child-like. XD!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Yeah, Koga!!!
    =3 I see, he's liked by the readers. *makes note to mention him again somewhere*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Sabrina is an awesome drunk, lol!!!
    And the other (two) aren't? XD

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Was Cynthia here?!?! Who else has long hair?

    Oh, Sabrina does...
    Well, Cynthia was there, just not in a physical way.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Cynthia winking. Wow. I agree; I think that was the best part.
    ^^ Thanks for liking it. She has interesting powers, hasn't she? *winks at CPF*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
    Overall, great chapter! I almost cried when Sabrina got back with Will; it was so cute. Now I have to go do work I've been procrastinating... bleh....
    Awww...thanks again for liking this scene! ^^ I loved writing it, literally. Love songs while writing= great help. =3
    Good luck on your work. =3
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