Thread: Sixth
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Old July 12th, 2009 (7:44 PM). Edited July 13th, 2009 by icomeanon6.
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icomeanon6 icomeanon6 is offline
It's "I Come Anon"
    Join Date: Feb 2008
    Location: Northern Virginia
    Age: 24
    Gender: Male
    Posts: 1,174
    I've really enjoyed what you've written so far. By limiting the narration to the knowledge of an extinct Pokemon, you do a good job of preventing the description from being stale and generic. Because it takes a little thinking to discern what's being described, it's far more interesting than most other fanfics I've read.

    In other reviews, it seems one of the main complaints was the colloquialism. I didn't think it was too bad a problem in and of itself. In fact, I'd say it helps establish Lileep/Cradily's personality. The only real problem with it is the sudden switch from narration that was more serious and analytical. In your response to the earlier reviews, you say that you might have introduced it too soon. On the contrary, I think you might also solve the problem by introducing colloquial speech at the very beginning. I think the only issue here is consistency. If played right, the informal speach can come across as entirely intentional, as opposed to being a flub.

    And one more thing:

    mph mphsf fmpf hfp ff fkng ffmg hmffm mmhmffckmmhm fmmffm!
    I can't be sure, but it would seem that Vigoroth has quite a colorful vocabulary. ;)

    Good job so far. I'm looking forward to future installments, and seeing how you handle any revisions.
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