View Single Post
Old September 5th, 2009 (6:21 AM).
Venia Silente's Avatar
Venia Silente Venia Silente is online now
Worrisome, but also Charming
    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: behind that truck
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Timid
    Posts: 593
    I so desperately wanted to review this. Really... But, before...

    You are a mean, mean, mean, mean, mean person. What's worse! I knew where your story would strike but it started so beautiful and, to a point, idyllic that I completely forgot and let you hit me, hard! Well done!

    From all of the [SWC] entries posted so far, this one is my favourite. And I think that's not going to change.

    I recall that when you first offered us some insight in your story, I was like, "no, please, don't make me feel so sad". Also, for some other reason everyone wanted to write sad stories, but that's another matter entirely... However, the way you wrote this, the way you presented the protagonist's perspective, made me completely forgot the emotional threat that would have to follow. Somehow I forgot, yes, and I thought the following sentence would set up the general mood for the story:
    Originally Posted by Pidgeot
    I look back at you through the screen for a nostalgic second, remembering what we‘ve been through together, and then return my attention to the present as the referee holds a green flag in the air. He swings the banner to his side with a flourish, signifying the start of the match.
    After all, what's more encouraging and reminding of the goodness of life than a heated battle of destiny? Even when one is only sitting behind a screen and rhythmically pressing some buttons, the importance of the moment can not be denied. A Championship battle is, by purpose, an all-or-nothing event, something that can not be escaped.

    Therefore, I felt happy and thrilled, enjoying a particular use of "time" (building the magnitude of the event), up to this point:
    Originally Posted by Pidgeot
    As you collapse to your knees and the stadium erupts into frenetic cheering, I know that we are both thinking the same thing. Nothing has changed since that first day: we still make the perfect team.
    It was too good to last, however...

    I don't remember exactly what happened later because the sudden turn of mood in the later paragraphs left me half-numbed. Pidgeot is well, is happy and is simply recalling this "trainer absence" through the perspective of someone who has gone through similar events in life before, with a primordial perception that things are going to change for the better anyways.

    Which is why the reality and the remembrance of what you had posted hit me so hard and I started to cry when I read the fourth (or fifth) part:
    Originally Posted by Pidgeot
    I…don’t understand. What do you mean “you’re too old for pokémon?” We’re the perfect team, remember?
    I have to say the "too old for Pokémon" rant hits me too close to home (is that the right idiom?). Everyone around me here thinks one is not playing real games unless it's GTA or DMC or MOH, where essentially one has to go through stealing, killing and raping as a show of "fun" (or worse, "maturity"). Despite having earned the third place in this contest (quite a feat for me) I haven't been able to celebrate at home or with friends, I could only explain I "fared well" at an "English writing test", with the same face and tone an anchorman describes a trainwreck, period. So reading the sentences next and seeing how Pidgeot's mood starts to change, first through simple hesitation and then with him feeling guilty, when the problem lies outside its very universe, was too much to bear.

    I tried, a couple of times, to stop reading and turn away, but I couldn't. Maybe I wanted to desperately see things change; however, remembering what you had announced, I knew that wouldn't be possible. Maybe I wanted the story to have at least a bittersweet sense of closure, a final goodbye, something. But as I saw things change, evolve, in an aging yet at the same time timeless fashion, I was compelled to stay to the end. I had the hope that time inside the cartridge wouldn't have to come to an end...

    Originally Posted by Pidgeot
    …Come back?


    ...and now I could only shudder at the thought of what that last ellipsis means. I have heard many stories of people who wanted to retry their GSC times only to find the battery of their cartridge gone, its record of time and its ability to record and sometimes to create more, destroyed. I simply don't want to think what that means for an RBGY cartridge...

    I sensed your use of the prompt was sublime, and that you managed to touch a concept, an after-effect of time, that I couldn't grasp: the evolution of time as a cause, and means, of the loss of identity. How when faced with the prospect of endless ticking, we somehow force ourselves to ponder the "forever" as a worse.

    A wonderful story I must say, and well worth of the concept of a downer ending. What's more: a social critique to those of us who have, even slightly, left behind what gathers us together here only because we have ha to "outgrow" goodness.

    I can't say much more since I couldn't be able, for example, to help with your grammar. I haven't even found that "your" Bay talked about. Heck, I even think this review has more mistakes than your own work!

    Originally Posted by txteclipse
    Yes, wallow in shame, you horrible horrible person! Really, that was my intent. I wanted to take the nostalgia for the older games that a lot of people have and stab it through their heart use it to construct a story that would make them a bit sad, yes, but also help them fondly recall and possibly even replay the oldies. I know I am: I'm working through Crystal again at this very moment.
    And I feel so guilty...

    Granted, I play emulator (except LG that I haad *for real*). That makes me dirty, as well, because it means I can go back whenever I want, no excuses, but I just have been lying to myself... Thanks you very much, txt! I'll send you the bill from my psychotherapist.

    Now, if you excuse me, I'll pick up dad's laptop and my old flash drive, and hide in the corner of my room, focus on the fun good times and the bits creatures waiting for me, and ignore the rest of the world. At least for a while.

    And someone who commented in your VM section was right: you've earned the "Make You Feel Guilty" badge. Heck, with four rank stripes!
    Venia Silente' - Consulting Worldbuilder
    Image will go here...
    one day.

    The Suocéverse - Pokémon Stuff

    IntroductionOfficial Wiki

    SWC Entries
    : Playfield 2009 : Misaimed for Life 2014 :
    As They Were 2016 : Simpler than Magic 2017 :

    Other Releases
    : Pseudo-Legendary : Silly human, romance is for Nidoran! (Valentine's : Tricks of the Love Fast (Valentine's) : Overlord (meow~) :
    »»More in profile link or wiki link««

    In progress, I swear

    : Interim : Suocéverse: Legends : Gelid Remainder :