Thread: [Pokémon] Convergent Paths
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Old October 6th, 2009 (4:23 AM).
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™ Elite Overlord LeSabre™ is offline
On that 'Non stop road'
  • Gold Tier
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Shimoda City
Age: 92
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 9,571
Hmmm... She's nine in the prologue, and sixteen when she first starts out on her journey? Any reason for the long wait, especially when most start training at 10 or 11? (Yeah, I know the character in my fic started at 15, but she has the "brainiac who went to college first" excuse XD) I mean, it's okay if she has a reason to do so, or if policies have changed regarding the minimum training age.

Your use of description is improved in this chapter, which really helped. I liked the heartfelt send-off by her family - much more detailed than the "rush out the door" beginnings I've seen too often. Given this, I ope the mother and brother don't fall off the face of the earth once the journey gets into full gear - I hope Belle remembers to check in with them every now and then (this is advice for later in the story, actually). And you accurately portray the pitfalls of going budget - you get what you pay for, in this case a rickety old boat of questionable safety.

Well, I think I'll end this reply by saying that I liked Belle's starting off. It felt real, with her family worried about her but at the same time wishing her good luck. Even if the conditions aren't the best

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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