View Single Post
Old June 28th, 2010 (6:20 AM).
Giratina ♀'s Avatar
what's your sign?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Gender: Female
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 1,439
First off, the coding is pretty. * w*

As for the story itself, I should say that you're not allowed to change the titles of your threads here at PokéCommunity. So if you're going to make a Chapter Two, I'd just go ask Astinus (the moderator here) if the thread title could just be changed to "Pokémon Uesuto" so that the title doesn't get outdated.

Too much smoking, the boy imagined.
A little mini-essay on word usage here. 'Imagine' is usually used to conjure up images in one's mind; 'thought' is for the words. Granted, there aren't too many synonyms for 'thought', but unless your character is mute or something there's really no problem in using it.

"Boss . . . “He looked up at the boy.
Format burp.

That said, I really do like the Western setting (doesn't help that I started reading this fic with Jesse James playing, but still) as well as this kid protagonist. He's pretty awesome, actually. That said, I believe that the title 'Pokémon _______' makes the story sound like some generic Trainerfic that we're all sick and tired of, so I'd reconsider that as a title. (It worked on me, at least.) Since we're only partway into chapter one, I can't say much else except that I really like what you've got playing here. Keep going. C: