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Old July 9th, 2010 (12:10 PM). Edited July 9th, 2010 by brokenxnote.
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brokenxnote brokenxnote is offline
    Join Date: Aug 2009
    Age: 24
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    Originally Posted by KaiVii View Post
    I like this idea so far! The only thing(s) I have issue with are this:

    -the introduction of the team(s) in your first post seems a little juvial...and illogical, maube they should wait until they have some power (aka later in the game) before they announce their plans to everyone? Or maybe they should stay under a Cover Identity with a more..misleading speech to start out with? (Aka, they have a FigureHead on the TV news annouceing that will be working on a "New and Glorious future" with the help of "Partners from other Regions" to work for the "good of all humanity") and the Prof. says "Mayybe you should keep ypur eye on these guys too...ok?"....

    2: the mapping of the towns seems very...sparce and a lot of extra/ un-needed/empy space, but thats easily fixable.

    anyways just some hints xD feel free to ignore
    Originally Posted by tomatoman View Post
    The plot seems kind of cliche BADGUYSOHNO, I think you should definitely put more thought into it. Everyone knows that once the bad guys announce their unbeatable plan, they're going to fail. I mean come on, its pretty obvious. Maybe the protagonist discovers the amalgamation in his quest. I don't think his adventure should be initiated by this.

    Feel free to follow (or not) my advice

    K, yeah I said in an earlier post I'm working on the mapping. Thanks for the more specific advice. I was wondering how I could go about improving 'em.

    And thanks for the critique on the story, but actually Part 2 of the story IS later through the game. It's not until after either the 8th Gym or Elite 4, so everyone would already know about those Teams existence anyway, through all of their other activities [and Team Rocket and Galactic would obviously be known already]. I was planning to have the news having broadcasts about the other regions during your journey, talking about the other regions Teams already being discovered as well. There's no use for secrecy because by this point they've all been discovered already. It's just a matter of coming together [and this is after some suspicious activity involving the hero seeing members of different Teams being seen together]. However, the "signal can't be traced" part is supposed to point out that they're hidden quite well, not making it any easier to actually find them at all. It's sort of like Team Rocket's radio announcement. I could still change it if you guys think it'd be better, but I just wanted to point those things out first, to make sure the critique is totally informed, I guess you could say.

    So yeah, again, tomatoman too. The quest isn't initiated with this. Part 2 is actually the end of the Gala Region storyline and the transition to the other regions. But I don't know, if you guys still think I should change it, I could try and make some tweaks to the story. But only if the problem isn't solved by Part 2 being technically the end, not the beginning.

    Thanks again for the critique. I'll keep it in mind.
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