Thread: [Other Fanfic] Digimon Campaign
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Old July 26th, 2010 (6:49 PM).
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Astinus Astinus is offline
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 30
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Review! Review! The promised review is here!

I'm just going to hop right into the review.

You're taking your time with the characters, allowing the reader to get into Ross's mind. (If we think about Digimon character archetypes, I'm going to say he's the "lone wolf" of the group, pretty much.)

At first, I was going to say that there tends to be a matter of telling what's happening than showing. Mostly the smaller stuff, like when Joanie tells Jacob something, and the conversation isn't shown, but it says that she said it. Like here:

Joanie told Jacob in a completely un-antagonizing tone that she thought they should just let the kids be for a little while.
It's probably just me thinking of how I would have handled the scene, but I would have written her dialogue out and then have Ross think about it. To me, that just makes it seem as if the narration is moving, which I particularly enjoy.

What I did enjoy was when Garurumon and Agumon showed up. They're a great duo, and I'm looking forward to seeing where they take the children. I also liked the small details that you included to separate the DigiWorld from the real world (the heat of the fire, the quick-drying clothes) and how the children aren't excited about being away from home.

Let me know when the next chapter is up. I'm looking forward to it.

Now nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody speaks my name
I'm just another blister in the mouth of shame
A bug in Ender's Game

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