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September 25th, 2010 (10:47 PM).
Hey! Decided to try to review all of the SWC stories posted here. Sorry for the lateness. Been quite busy the last couple weeks. >.> For my SWC reviews I decided to divide it into three sections, the same ones from the contest. Already showed you the individual scores for the three sections, so yeah.
As far as I can tell, no problems with grammar and spelling. However, there’s one part where you’re supposed to put launch instead of “launch” despite the story mostly in past tense.
Faster than the eye could follow, the Pikachu
himself after her.
The writing style is quite good. You did the emotional description of the Pokemon very well. The battles are fast paced but still descriptive enough for me to know what is going on, although Bayleef’s battle dragged on a bit.
Oh man, all the three Pokemon…;_; I admit, I feel uneasy seeing those three in battle, thinking they’re going to get themselves killed and such. However, at the same time I understand they want to prove themselves and you did well with the Pokemon’s personalities. It’s quite a heartbreaker at the end when it’s revealed that Pikachu is Red. Glad the two are together, though. As for the ending, I admit I haven’t watched that episode and thus was slightly confused, but I know what happened in it and I would like to watch it one day.
Overall, you did well with the Pokemon and the human characters are good too. Bayleef's battle could have gone slightly faster and the ending was confusing (though I need to watch that episode, haha). Great work!
Road to Disillusionment
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