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Old November 16th, 2010 (5:37 AM).
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bobandbill bobandbill is offline
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Whee quick initial thoughts to idea replies.
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
It has potential? Wow, thank you .
but I have been pondering over the ideas, and have made some slight changes to the plot, probably resulting in a sequel or two.
Be sure you have enough ideas/content to make up a 'sequel or two' then, I suggest. =p

The moritoki clan is replaced by just one person, but he pretends to be the protagonists friend and manipulates him into training and finding the supernatural powers (using the prophecy to do so). The reason so he can stop the another evil person wanting to take the powers. but through out his training the protagonist slowly turns evil, and plots to take the powers himself, outsmarting the evil other two. i cant explain it well, but in the story i will.
I'd would suggest having some backstory about these characters would be a potential idea to use then so we know all this (maybe even changing POVs between characters throughout the story?) But some character history and how they know of this power and so forth would be needed methinks (if you haven't already planned that, that is =p).
In the next one it shows how the two other people team up against the 'protangist' and try to steal the powers back. But the protagonist can't control his powers well at the beginning, and the two evil people can now shapeshift into animals, thanks to them kidnapping scientists and making them create a machine that allows their DNA molecules to form those of animals.

i can't explain it well.
(So I assume that means the protagonist (or anti hero?) does get the powers then?) You'd need to explain how they can steal the powers off then - is it a spiriatual thing or something like in Avatar, or is it an object that grants the bearer said power? The latter part feels a bit too hard to swallow as well - DNA to shapeshift into animals would likely come off as rather unrealistic no matter how well you protray it due to the very iffy-ness of that nature. I do feel it'd be better sticking to the first one rather than the sequel as the ideas seem too radical/out-of-the-blue in the latter, here.

Originally Posted by Will94 View Post
Thankyou everyone for the replies and the critisism, I will now answer some of your questions.

Question: Why is your character 15?
Answer: Well this is because I would like to have a romance between him and his friend, and I thought back to Ash being 10, and romance doesn't seem as serious, so I thought older. There may be a reason story-wise, like his parents are really protective, or I dunno.
I guessed as much. I would make sure that the reason for them starting later is well established though as it is often a common complaint people have with such fics - the reason is lame/not well developed enough, and that including the 'protective parents' deal as one would argue that the Pokemon world is quite different to ours which is why the pokemon-world parents allow you to go off and all. (In saying that however [5TH GEN SPOILERS]):
the father of a rival in B&W does not wish for her to go on her adventure because he fears for her safety and all. Mind you, even if you go down that path, you'd need to back it up and elaborate on it.

Question: And why Arceus is starting a war?
Answer: I really want to bring Team Galactic into that. With Cyrus wanting to create his own universe, and Arceus feeling that some trainers are no longer placing themselves as equals with Pokemon, but as their masters (which is un-true). I want to bring the Distortion World into it, and at the very end I would like to have Arceus pulling legendary Pokemon out of the real world and into the Distortion World. Remember this is still very early in production and I still have to think up somethings.
That seems to make sense in part... Cryus certainly isn't a good role-model, although given Arceus' power I would question why he thinks that because of Galactic everyone is like that or why everyone deserves 'punishment' over it via a war (as it would likely impact negatively on everyone), and why he'd want the legendary Pokemon in the distortion world as well (and how they would react to that as well). Maybe try those parts as a focus point if you get stuck in plotting that out?
I am even thinking of bringing Riley in as the 'Brock' of the series, but I am still debating that too.
This I would advise again - then you'd be using the all-too-often used forumla of the trainer-fic-with-2-guys-one-girl travelling senerio (and also trying to base the fic too much off of the anime as well), when Riley would likely not fit into this either canonically and so forth. Bunch of issues with that, basically, and I don't see how it'd necessarly add much to the story either.
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