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Old November 19th, 2010 (7:20 PM). Edited November 2nd, 2011 by bobandbill.
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Let's Play Pokemon Diamond!
A Screenshot LP

Ah, good old Pokemon -wait, what?

Note: Most music files will not currently work because sucks. To be fixed soon!

For those who do not know, there are a pair of old GBC games called 'Pokemon Diamond and Jade'. They're infamous for their talk of curry and random swearing and hilarious engrish!

Said games are really badly pirated and translated games called 'Keitai Denjuu Telefang', which was another monster-collecting+fighting game that was only ever officially released in Japan (it also got a Japanese-only sequel). But said piraters tried to pass their poorly translated works as Pokemon games, completely with box art and a different title screen! Within the game though (bar it being in English Engrish and having the odd problem with saving in cases) it was simply the Telefang game, with no Pokemon to be found inside.

'Pokemon Diamond' was the 'Power version' of Telefang, while Jade was the 'Speed version'. (I don't believe they're referring to that sort of speed, but...). Well, have a Telefang box art pic


But it's not a bad game - some tough battles, frustrating mazes, catchy music and very entertaining engrish - what's not to love? ;p

I've decided to replay this game - I actually had a game pak with this as a kid which provided me with many, many hours of confusion. Hope you enjoy it too!

Note I'll throw up tunes when they come up in the game via sound clip player windows! Press play to, well, play, and if it lags it's not my fault.

Warning - swearing is abounds in this game in some stages. But it's engrish swearing so it's all good! ;p

Part One - Down the Rabbit Hole!
Or part of the long intro sequence in which a lot of baseballs happen.


Wow, I can't believe it's not Pokemon!

We're greeted with this highly convincing title screen, which seems to suggest this strange snake thing has three of the Chaos Emeralds. (At this stage the games appears to be as much Sonic as it is Pokemon).

But this is as exciting as the title screen gets, so let's watch the intro video - maybe we can see if there's any Pokemon there.

Any Pokemon here, I wonder?, it doesn't seem so. Darn.

...what is that, anyway? Pyramid Head? The local hobo? Who knows!

Clearly what was found startles what appears to be our HERO™ though.

Suddenly, lots of trees. Maybe it's Viridian forest, or-

Oh is it a Pokem-no, it's a...thing. With a phone.

Something tells me we're not in Kanto. Or Kansas.

Our HERO™ would like to tell you that today's LP is brought to you by the letter 'S', as seen on his helmet.

The 'thing' that appeared earlier is now angry. Maybe he doesn't like the letter S? Or maybe he too wonders where all the Pokemon are.

One gets a feeling a showdown is about to go down...

...only the intro video cuts out then as the two things face off. Aww. I was expecting an epic chess duel or something. :< And so much for Pokemon.

We might as well get on with the beginning part of the game!

The main menu screen. It's phonerific.

The game allows you to set up the- no, decide time! - when you start a file, which does have a visual effect (day/night feature, so you will).

Well, at least it doesn't say 'make your time'.

Look at that character walk about like a pro. Clearly he must be an important character of some sort!

Well... don't believe everything you hear, kid? Already we are informed that there's another world and we can presume the strange creatures are electric monsters.

Because, you know. They were totally packing a lot of electricity? =/

And that's why he shall stand in front of it for the time being. You show that tree who's boss!

Suddnly, a wild baseball attacks!

The native baseball is prompt to defend its home tree against any intruders.

Darn right, kid.

And the engrish already breaks down for the first time - fly over...what? The tree? The ball? The text boxes!?

Meanwhile, our HERO™ is also walking about.

Yes, please do.

And another person who comes with her own theme music. They also like jumping!

...actually, that's a lie. EVERYONE in this game likes jumping. It's like the secondary method of speech in the game.

Oh no she didn't.

Such an outrageous comment prompts our HERO™ to show off his jumping skills. Observe the jump of anger!

Our HERO™ calms down to point this out to 'Miyor'. And compared to apparently magical trees, it shouldn't be that special anyways.

(Sungki being the fellow who nearly suffered death via baseball).

So in other words... please go walk through that tree?

~If you're happy and you know it jump up high!~

And here the translators display their lack of knowledge of female pronouns like 'she'. Anyways, saying such things was rather rude...or maybe it was just that she didn't pick up the ball. That must be it, seeing that baseball seems to be rather important thus far.

_He_ may be a _cute guy_ as well. Maybe our HERO™ is blind or something...

Yes, let's. Oh, boy, I haven't been this excited about seeing a ball in years! (I presume he is also either talking to himself, or his helmet).

'I hope you didn't eat the ball again, or I'll jump so much I'll mistake your gender!'

Aha! We know know the protagonist's name, and hence do not have to refer to him as the HERO™ anymore.

'Sedge may refer to:
  • Any of the plants in the family Cyperaceae...
  • Any of the caddisflies (Trichoptera), small moth-like insects with aquatic larvae...'
Yeah, I don't think that makes much sense here. But he seems pretty sure about it being sedge!

...yes, I suppose that's the case when you're standing next to each other?

He is possibly referring to Bek and Miyor, but it's a typical case of the translation being vague whenever possible. Especially when sedge is concerned.

Baseball is so important, it's 'the baseball', not 'baseball'.

All of Bek? I mean, all of him? If you say so... ._.

And of course not what are you talking about the baseball is the only life for Bek.

So apparently you need 'D shoot'. (D shoot, de gun?). Without this...thing, you will NEVER HAVE ANY FRIENDS. Well, I guess it's always useful to have a friend with a gun...

Suddenly, a phone rings. Not that you can tell, but it stops all the background music!

Yes, I've just established that. Keep up with me, sheesh.

Well, is it from that [under the tree]? They go and investigate.

They happen to find a phone, and apparently it is that 'D Shoot'. Exciting times. Meanwhile the phone continues to ring.

Yes, I don't follow where this is going either, Bek.

Yeah, something more exciting than the baseball is bound to happen sometime, so get on with it.

About time he answered that phone.

Perspective shot! It is very exciting. It has a..tree in the background and all! But whoever could the caller be?

Suddenly, an earthquake!


Don't you just hate it when that happens?

And so concludes about half of the intro sequence! More excitement to follow, along with slowly degrading engrish and maybe, gasp, some 'electric monsters'!