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Old July 28th, 2011 (3:54 PM). Edited July 30th, 2011 by Shining Raichu.
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
Expect me like you expect Jesus.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Australia
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Nature: Adamant
Posts: 9,075
Originally Posted by Penatrait View Post
Atheism is a funny thing. I think people now are finding it cool and controversial to be atheists, and with the more people doing it that's just enabling more to become atheists.

I'd rather not follow along blindly with all the atheists these days.
Ah yes, I remember the day I became an atheist. I remember it well.

I was a devout Catholic who attended church not only every Sunday, but also every Tuesday and Thursday. I would carry my rosary beads everywhere I went talked to my parish priest about everything. He wasn't just my priest, he was like my best friend, you know? Zyggy was his name - well, it wasn't his real name but he asked us to call him "Father Zyggy" because he was Polish and had a name too long and difficult to pronounce. But I digress.

One evening I was watching television by myself - young and impressionable tyke I was, just sixteen years old - when I came across one of those debate shows. My mother had always turned these shows off in the past, telling me that they weren't something I needed to see. I was home alone, so I decided to watch. It was a little thrilling, to be honest. It was like being an eleven-year-old accidentally discovering pornography. You know you shouldn't watch it, you know you'd get in trouble if you were caught, but that's what makes it that much more appealing, isn't it?

I don't remember the exact question they were debating, but it was heavily into religion and the belief in God. On the affirmative side there was a Catholic Archbishop, a Lutheran minister and a Mormon mother of seven. On the negative team there were three atheists. On the left there was a psychologist, in the middle there was an evolutionary scientist, and on the right was the coolest guy I have ever seen.

I became enamoured with him. When it was finally his turn to talk, he spoke with such passion and such logic, I could barely control my excitement. He was just so cool. So my becoming an atheist had nothing at all to do with the fact that the entire negative team made valid and coherent arguments while all the affirmative team could muster was "no, you're wrong, bcos Jesus." No, it was all due to this guy. My entire thought process completely shut down while he spoke. The only thought that entered my head was "Wow, I wish I could be as cool as that guy."

Then it hit me. I could be as cool as that guy! All I had to do was throw in my faith in my rosary beads and cease believing in God! It was that simple! Immediately, I called the Atheism Hotline (1-800-ATHEIST or 1-800-284-3478 for those of you who might be interested) and requested a starter kit. One week later, a box came in the mail...

Excitedly, I cut the tape and opened the box. Inside, there was a Holy Bible taped to a box of matches for my rite-of-passage Bible-burning ceremony, a step-by-step guide on how do to the 'cool guy' atheist handshake, three bottles of acid to pour into Holy Water at church so that it actually does something, a cap to wear backwards, a laminated membership card and this T-shirt:


I chose that T-shirt over the one that said "Thank God I'm An Atheist" because the latter seemed a little too on-the-nose. Also, this one brings out my eyes.

Now that I'm an atheist, I truly feel way cooler than I ever could have hoped to be as a believer. But you know, when I became an atheist, the funniest thing happened. I didn't feel like I was "following along blindly", I felt like I had finally stopped following along blindly. And that, my friend, was the coolest thing of all.

"So this is why God bombed us."

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