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Old September 19th, 2011 (11:18 AM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: California
Posts: 10,555
I was hoping some of these responses would help me word my own reply to the question I asked, but it’s still just as difficult to describe.

I sort of agree with Toujours that there’s a practical aspect to it. It doesn't feel right to call yourself something that you’re not, except I’m on the fence about whether I feel it’s more important to explain sexuality in terms of what you do or what you are. It’s common to say that sexuality means “attracted to _____” but does it apply if you’ve never acted on your attractions or accepted them? And with someone’s sexual identity, does one have to do something to be that identity or can they simply exist in it?

Like, say you're a guy and you were attracted physically to men, but you felt more comfortable actively engaged in relationships only with women. Are you gay because that's what your attractions are, regardless of what decisions you make? And is your identity completely subject to your biology then, or do you allow for personal decisions to be part of your identity? I don't like the idea of having my identity being completely out of my hands so I feel like there's got to be some level of choice involved in saying "I am _____."