Thread: [Pokémon] The Fall to Redemption [PG-13]
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Old December 4th, 2011 (9:48 PM).
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper Misheard Whisper is offline
Waiting for the rain
  • Gold Tier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Posts: 3,389
Wow, I really did like this. Mostly for its originality, I have to say. I am extraordinarily used to seeing fics that parody the game's storyline, but this level of sheer . . . well, cynicism is rarely seen. This fic could potentially go many different ways, ranging from non-stop hilarity to all-out mind****. Personally, I'm looking forward to seeing a bit of both.

Story-wise, I'm happy to see shades of the plot elements from RSE without them being used as a crutch. My own Emerald retelling was basically a straight transcription of the game's events and dialogue with the addition of a very sarcastic protagonist. Here, we've actually got some development and mystery going on with touches of familiarity here and there. Like, Birch was attacked by a Zigzagoon. Fine. But HOLY HELL WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT ZIGZAGOON!? I'm sorry, but that scared the crap out of me, which was probably your intention, in hindsight.

This fic so far has a pleasing lack of spelling and grammar errors. It read smoothly, which is always good to see. There was a pleasingly abstract division between the Author's Forward and the story itself. I'm keen to see whether Steven has a significant role in this fic beyond being the Champion at the end, but then again I'm always keen for more Steven Stone. Errm . . . I really liked that scene at the beginning, actually. In the garden, that is. It really felt like a natural dialogue, and I was getting a sense of an interesting relationship between the two. I'd like to see a bit more of them as well as Virgil, actually, which is always a good sign when it comes to a fanfic.

So yes, a good and interesting start that I think is very promising. I'll be keeping an eye on this to find out what happens next. I love the sense of mystery that you created throughout the chapter. It's not often that I read mystery fics, but this - with the amnesiac protagonist (slightly cliche, but forgivable in context) and the conspiracy of Littleroot - seems to have caught my attention more than I thought it would. Also, two people appear to have reviewed while I was writing this. Curse my slowness. They've probably said everything I did between them.

EDIT: Ooh, Dante. Hmm, interesting. I see . . .
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