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May 2nd, 2012 (3:49 AM).
I don't know how I'm going to live without you, I miss you already. Wherever you are, if you are anywhere, I'm sorry for everything that I have done that caused you pain in your life. I should have been a better son, I know. If you're in Heaven, then have fun up there. Though I doubt the fact that you're up there. If you're in Hell, then I'll be seeing you in a few decades. I'm not a believer, but I'd like to think that you found the peace in the afterlife that you must have so desperately been looking for in your life. I hope you went out of this world peacefully, because as much as I've hated you over the years, I never wanted your death to be painful. But if I'm to be truthful, i was hoping you'd live so I could inflict the pain on you that you inflicted on me and the rest of your progeny over the years. Deny it as you might, you were a terrible father. A terrible, terrible father. You better, in whatever state you might be in, be praying to whatever god you really believed in that your other children forgive you, because I can't. I love you, in some ****ed up way, but I will never be able to forgive the way you treated me for 18 years. Never. I'm aware of how this message is getting very bitter, but it's what you deserve. I'm sorry I could never be the son you wanted.
You should see your wife right now. She is an absolute mess. Your passing has destroyed her. When you took those sleeping pills, did you think about what might happen to her? I should thank you for being such a hard worker throughout your life, because she doesn't have to worry about any financial problems. But that's all she has solace about, that's the only gift you've left her thus far. I didn't realize how much she loved you until now. I can only wonder how much you loved her back. I think you loved her more than anyone else in the world, I'll give you that. But you should have said goodbye to her, you should have left some parting message to her. Why didn't you? Why? WHY? She was your wife... now she's your widow. Think about that.
I think I'm almost done, I've said almost all that I've wanted to say to you thus far. Through these words, I have started the process of closure that I've been looking for all my life. I miss you, we all do. But it's time to try get past the hurt you put us through; it's time to turn the page. I think I'm done now, yes.
I love you, Daddy.
Joined Jun 2008
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