The Story of Derp: Who Would Be The Very Best There Ever Was (PG)
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June 7th, 2012 (10:34 PM).
VOLT TACKLE >:D
I apologize for keeping you guys waiting so long. Especially you Vato, I know I sayed it was ready minus the editing about
two weeks ago. Actually it could've been three, I'm not good at keeping track of time hehehe...
I “Chu”-se You! Because I Overslept! Du du dun!
Derp wakes up confused. “Wasn’t the last part in first person?” he ponders. Yes Derp, the last part was through your perspective, now we’re giving the readers a new point of view. He wonders if he’s finally caught whatever they suspect the Professor in his town has.
“Shut up voice in my head!” he is screaming, “And stop narrating everything I do and say!”
I’m sorry readers give me a second to speak with this rude little boy.
“Rude? And little? I’m ten years old! I finally will go on my own Pokémon adventure, the professor said so in the last chapter. I’m practically a Man! I don’t even have a bedtime and I can stay asleep longer because I didn’t get enough rest…and–uh oh.”
At this the boy looked at his Voltorb alarm clock and his eyes bulged out, “Oh no! I overslept!” he ran out of his room, and then ran back inside to change out of his green pajamas.
As he ran through the living room the mother of the boy named Derp (“It’s Red!” he screamed and the mother looked at him in a perplexed manner) she called out to him, “All boys leave home some day the TV said so.” She said with the same expression Oak would use. “He’s next door by the way, and Derp don’t forget to wear clean underwear!”
The boy ran back inside his room a second time to change then went out to look for the professor. He checked the lab but he only saw the professor’s aides and Butt standing perfectly still with the same expression as everyone else in town.
I can’t wait to get out of here
, thought Derp.
Derp’s went wide with shock, he looked up at the sky and screamed a tad too loudly, “How do you know what I’m thinking ya giant booming voice?” Everyone stared at him like the weirdo he is.
“I’m the ONLY sane person around here!” he responded to me even though no one else could hear me. They were thinking he was at the lab to see the professor not for a starter Pokémon, but for a psychological evaluation. The professor's aids, interns and Butt whispered and gossiped. He ran outside with puffed up red cheeks and was heading out when he was stopped by a booming, idiotic voice. Not mine of course!
“Hey wait! Don’t go out! There are wild Pokémon who would attack you, its dangerous out there!” he said as he squished an unnoticed and harmless Caterpie. It's huge, cute eyes watered in pain. “Hey I know come with me!” And they proceeded to the lab. Small innocent Caterpie and Rattatta running out of the duo’s destructive feet.
Down at the lab Butt finally snapped out of his trance and said, “Gramps I’ve been tired of waiting!” and the professor looked at him in a manner two strangers in the night look at each other. That is to say that they don’t and if they do it’s a quick suspicious glance.
“So Derp, choose a Pokemon” the professor commanded.
“What about me?” the grandson asked
“Oh Butt, I didn’t even see you there. Well Derp was here first so he gets to choose first.” And Butt argued about how unfair things were and he pouted, but we all know he’s full of hot air anyways. Take that jerk!
Derp chose the first one, “Yeah I choose you Charmander! Charizard is so hardcore!” he said with bright and starry eyes. When the ball opened however, it was empty. Derp chose the second one and screamed with excitement, “Yeah! Squirtle is the coolest with his sunglasses and posse, not to mention he evolves into Blastoise who has the COOLEST cannons ever!” Alas, inside was nothing but a puddle. He looked at the third pokeball on the counter, “Pfft. Bulbasaur?” and he turned to face the professor as a brokenhearted Bulbasaur came out of the pokeball crying. He left quietly, sniveling all the way out the door.
“There’s no more Pokémon!” he cried, “what gives?”
“Well in my youth I was a Pokémon master, but now I’m an old fart and gave all my Pokémon away over the years. Misplaced a couple, sent some to help some Nigerian prince, some just plain ran away for some reason! But...” he paused and told them to wait in the room as he walked into the basement. Butt and Derp heard an awful lot of ruckus, squeaking, and bottles being thrown and broken, it was unclear but at one point they heard something that sounded like, “Use the chair!” and “Break his arm! Do it!” followed by some screaming and then there was silence.
Oak came back upstairs all battered and bruised with two pokeballs in his hands. “Ok guys here you are.” And he gave one to each, “they’re both my favorite one, we had such great times,” he said while he cracked his knuckles. Derp looked at his Pokeball and screamed, “Yeah! I choose you!” and he threw the ball and out popped a yellow and hideous rodent. Butt laughed and told Derp, “Your pokemon is just some rat, whatta loser! Look at my beauty!” And he threw his Pokeball out.
A rat came out; only this one was brown and full of fur. It wouldn't be anything other than an observation for someone to call it a fur ball.
Butt looked at it and screamed out “YEEEEEAAAAHHH! Lets let them duke it out!” at the battered and bruised rats and to Derp.
“Let’s surprise him with a tackle!”
“Counter with a tackle!”
“Finish him off with a tackle!”
“Dodge and use tackle!”
“Super finishing move! Tackle!!!”
The battle was nothing spectacular yet both trainers looked like they were in the first row in a VIP concert starring T. Rex and David Bowie. That’s what you young whippersnappers listen to nowadays right?
Eventually there was a winner and the loser was all puffed up and saying things about “choosing the wrong one” even though they hadn’t even gotten to choose them at all. And with Butt left with one last snarky remark, "Smell ya later Gramps!" Derp also left pinching his nose with his thumb and index finger.
"Hey! He who smelt it, dealt it!" Oak retorted.
and Derp was ready with a comeback immediately, "Yeah? Well he who denied it supplied it!"
Oak, now free of his stupidity daze replied without a second's delay, "He who relayed it, made it!"
Derp flushed red in anger, "What? You- I- Errrrrgh!"
All the while, the evil plotted from behind a bush vowing vengeance and destruction. What? You thought I was going to go on novelizing a game that already has a story? If you wanted to read a Kanto journey like that you’d just pick up Blue, Red, or the Remakes,
Finished the FR/LG monotype a loooooong time ago. Not that anyone cares though.
Joined Sep 2009
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