Thread: [Other Fanfic] Digimon Campaign
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Old June 19th, 2012 (10:29 PM).
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Astinus Astinus is offline
Remember NovEnder
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: Connecticut, USA
    Age: 30
    Gender: Male
    Posts: 10,021
    I was about to send you a VM about your fic, and then I saw in your signature that you updated.

    BlackAgumon really is an interesting character. I wonder what made him turn against the Virus type. Just like I wonder who this Commander is.

    He asked Missing Tip, “I take it these two haven’t been Child level for very long?”

    Missing Tip showed off his missing tip, and BlackAgumon nodded in approval. “You rookies itching for your first kill?”
    I have to smile at the reference in this dialogue, where you use the Japanese Child term and then use "rookie" (the American term) in a general sense. I rather enjoyed that. Same with Missing Tip's eyes turning red in the battle, which reminded me of the Kaiser's controlled Digimon from Zero Two.

    There weren't any problems with the fight scene. It moved at a good enough pace with your sentence choices, especially since Missing Tip and BlackAgumon talked during the fight. We'll have to see how you do with a bigger action scene, but this one read fine.

    It'll be good to see how Jacob, Ross, and Joanie react to having to fight, and seeing their first deaths in this world.
    Now nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody speaks my name
    I'm just another blister in the mouth of shame
    A bug in Ender's Game

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