Thread: [Pokémon] [SWC] The Promise I made to You
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Old November 3rd, 2012 (7:07 AM).
Cutlerine Cutlerine is offline
Gone. May or may not return.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
Age: 23
Nature: Impish
Posts: 1,030
Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
I’m sure you would have done amazingly. I’ve always held your stories in high regard to begin with.
You're too kind. Believe me, I've read the competition, and I'm pretty sure that between you, Jax and bobandbill my offering - which is still in development - would have been beaten into a cocked hat.

Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
I was actually labouring under the impression that the current fic wasn’t as fleshed out or as emotionally-involving as Havisham, if that could be said about Havisham, but the ambiguity and the first person seems to have worked to my advantage at least.
No, it isn't. And that's exactly why it's better: Havisham was a little clunkier; it beat the reader over the head in places. This is subtler and much more ambiguous - and in a story that deals with the kind of stuff that this and Havisham deal with, that has so much more impact. It's like the difference between a lightning ink sketch and a fully-finished oil painting: so often, I prefer the sketch above the complete work. It has immediacy and verve; it hasn't been overworked. Sure, it could use a touch-up here and there - but this story does in fact have a charm that Havisham doesn't.

Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
Yeah… this little bit of literary pomposity is going to be on my mind forever. And not just because it’s bad practice, it’s also because I’ve been the biggest protester against intellectual elitism in academia (the things I’ve seen) for the longest time and also because I was complimented just a few days prior for not giving into the temptation of using the thesaurus in my writing (which wasn’t a fic). It’s this little bit of self-hypocrisy which stings the most. Ugh… *headdesk*
Ah. That must sting. I sympathise, though - despite loathing deliberately convoluted language and academic elitism, it's sometimes very, very difficult to express an exact opinion in a way that can't be misconstrued without resorting to the language of the oppressor. And I'm going to leave it at that, because I can feel some Liberation Theology from two years ago bubbling into the back of my head, and I have no desire to go off on a rant about reversal.

Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
Ah, well, this bit’s surprising, to say the least. That line was, uncomfortable to write, because, as you say, it draws a perfect analogy to an ill-made chair. But I felt that way about almost all of the dialogue in the fic, even the end which was supposed to be the most ‘emotional’ part. I mean, I felt the dialogue was the weakest part of the whole fic – it was supposed to stand up on narration instead. This isn’t an excuse though; this is just my mild surprise at the criticism not being spread to the other bits of dialogue around the fic.
All right, so it can be applied to the rest of the dialogue, if you're being really harsh - and I suppose I should be. It's just that that line left a particularly bad taste in the mouth. Eye. Whatever.

Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
To be completely honest, I’m a bit disturbed by my style. I’ve tried to vary it (to, you know, get a bit of diversity in between stories), but when there’s a deadline bearing down on me, the best I can do is to play to my strengths. The mental diagram bit is fair because I’ve also kind of built up a mental picture of your writing style. It’s unique. So much so that I can say quite confidently that ‘yep, it’s Cutlerine’ even if it isn’t, because whatever the writer it is that’s written like that has got to be channelling you in some form. Okay yeah, that’s a bit out of line, but you get what I mean. I guess seasoned writers develop their own style over time.
Why disturbed? I'm genuinely curious about that. There's nothing wrong with it.

As for my style... I guess it must be fairly distinctive by now. It's absorbed so many influences that it must bear only a faint resemblance to each individual author.

Originally Posted by Mizan de la Plume Kuro View Post
And thank you for taking the time to review this story of mine. I look forward to seeing you in next year’s competition. Or at least the Halloween or Christmas competitions if I can find the time to compete or, indeed, get on.
The pleasure's all mine, I assure you. Whatever and whenever you next post a story, I'll be waiting. Like an assassin. No. Wait. Like a familiar house. That's a much better way of putting it - or at least, a less threatening.

Man, I really ramble on if there's no one to interrupt me, don't I? I'll shut up now.


For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.
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