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Old January 26th, 2013 (7:12 AM).
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Cirrus Cirrus is offline
dreaming a transient dream.
    Join Date: Apr 2009
    Location: 風見学園
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Mild
    Posts: 1,578
    Minor nitpicks:

    1st paragraph:

    servants - missing an apostrophe (possessive?)
    from all members of the noble family - by?
    3rd paragraph:
    inexperience - inexperienced?
    8th paragraph:
    refine - refined?

    Also a general nitpick (though much less important) - gramarie / gramarist and theurgy are not proper nouns. So there you go.

    Anyway, those aside - the raid ... probably wouldn't actually happen. Gramarists are pretty important to society in general. Try monstrous encounter (maybe during a hike in the mountains or something) instead. Otherwise history seems fine. Some small problems with the flow but those are unavoidable sometimes so I am not going to raise any concerns - though do clarify; "preparing for his role as Duke" means he's inheriting the title of peerage, right?


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