View Single Post
Old January 26th, 2013 (7:12 AM).
Cirrus's Avatar
Cirrus Cirrus is offline
dreaming a transient dream.
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: 風見学園
Gender: Male
Nature: Mild
Posts: 1,578
Minor nitpicks:

1st paragraph:

servants - missing an apostrophe (possessive?)
from all members of the noble family - by?
3rd paragraph:
inexperience - inexperienced?
8th paragraph:
refine - refined?

Also a general nitpick (though much less important) - gramarie / gramarist and theurgy are not proper nouns. So there you go.

Anyway, those aside - the raid ... probably wouldn't actually happen. Gramarists are pretty important to society in general. Try monstrous encounter (maybe during a hike in the mountains or something) instead. Otherwise history seems fine. Some small problems with the flow but those are unavoidable sometimes so I am not going to raise any concerns - though do clarify; "preparing for his role as Duke" means he's inheriting the title of peerage, right?


さくらの色 いとしさの花 あさきゆめみし君と
そっとそっと口づけをして 涙あふれてく

pair · in tempore momenti · personal vloid playlist
d.c. ii art assets belong to circus. text: tororo.
Reply With Quote