Youkai Academy [IC] [T] [Best Rookie 1Q '13]
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March 13th, 2013 (4:05 PM).
The Cave of Hymns
I walked out of the school, deep in thought.
What should I tell sister
Maybe she would disapprove
. These thoughts were disheartening, and I shook them off.
Even if she does, I won't leave, I think I have to stay.
I couldn't tell myself why though, something that scared me. If I didn't know myself, how could I hope to know others?
I saw this girl from class hug the boy. The boy seemed fearful, and I wondered if he was attempting to leave. Their interaction seemed heart-filled, and full of empathy. Even if they had just met each other, they seemed
, they seemed to take comfort in each other. Their faces red, and my eyes empty I watched. Maybe if they looked in my direction they would see a lonely child, maybe they would see some stalker, or maybe they would see
. They would look in my direction and see the buildings of the school, or the sky above me. To them, I was a background character, to them I was just some guy.
These thoughts didn't make me sad, quite the opposite, I felt nothing. I already
these things, and thinking them just allowed me to think.
I have emotions
I assured myself,
It's just nobody cares.
Those thoughts made me sad, and probably if they looked over toward me, they would see a teenage boy, with a poker face. Only if they came close, only if they looked me in my eyes, only if they read my mind, only if they heard my voice, would they feel my sadness. Empathy only comes with sadness, everything else warrants apathy.
look away from them, and began walking again. My thoughts became less selfish. I began to think about the girl, Elise.
Would she leave?
Would it be out of fear or disgust? Does she hate me now?
I wondered if I could ever approach her. I doubted it, she would leave before I could ever find her, and why would I stop her? So she could risk her life to appease my need for a friend, so I could be selfish?
These questions were rhetorical for me, and although I could easily answer them, I felt my answers were wrong.
Everything I did was wrong.
My sister was always right though, she was there for me. Scrapes from fights, bruises from brawls, and broken bones from unneccisarly violence, all where mended by my sister. I was kept sain because she was always right, I'm a good person because when she said I had to be, I listened and remembered.
I wanted to call her. Call her before I went to my dorm room. I pulled out my cell, and sat against a tree. I looked up at the sky, peeking through the leaves and branches.
I counted my friends.
I counted the sun
I counted the moon
And as I heard the familiar "Hello" I realized that they were all the same number, and counting them wouldn't change. It would always be one. "Hey Frio! How was your day?"
"It was good." My voice gave away my thoughts.
"Are you okay? You sound tired."
"Yeah- tired" I answered. "Just counting the moon and sun."
"Now why would you do that?" She laughed
"Because there is only one to count of each and it's so constant." It brings me comfort.
"That's silly. There are millions of suns, and almost every planet has at least one moon. You can count the one you see and only get one, but you will always have the ones you can't see." She lectured.
She was always right and I smiled. Because I realized that I was the only reason I lacked friends. I set a new resolve as I talked with my sister, rooted from a realization I should've made before. I thought, that if that girl and that boy looked at me now they would notice a tree with a happy teenager sitting against it. They would see a moon from another planet.
College Bound, Mentally Sound.
Frio & Elise
Jayce & Jayce 2
Joined Aug 2012
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