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Old April 14th, 2013 (4:04 PM).
Nolafus's Avatar
Nolafus Nolafus is offline
Aspiring something
     
    Join Date: Jul 2012
    Location: Lost in thought... again
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Calm
    Posts: 5,782
    This is an interesting little story and I enjoyed it. It's definitely different from all the other stories that focus on pokemon as if it were in real life. That being said I do have a couple critiques.

    The story jumps around a lot and it's hard to follow your progress in the game. I wouldn't mind a little longer story if it patched up a couple of missing parts.

    Make sure to start a new line whenever a new character speaks. It helps with making the story look more inviting to read and makes it easier to read.

    You've got a nice little story on here with a unique twist most writers never think about. I just want you to get the most out of this story.
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