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Old August 23rd, 2013 (10:39 AM).
Ray Maverick's Avatar
Ray Maverick Ray Maverick is offline
  • Crystal Tier
Join Date: Feb 2009
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 3,353
@SomaQL try using spaces between paragraphs, as reading a mass of words is tiring to the eye, when you're in front of a computer screen.

The story was fast paced. Exactly how much would you write, if you decided to start it? If you were going to write much, you can be a little more descriptive and explain to us a few more things. What's your name, what's your mother's name, where do you live in the Hoenn region? Why is Steven visiting you? Of course, these can be answered in time, but still.

You seem to describe events from a third person view, rather than your own view, never mentioning how you feel after being given your Pokemon. Give us a piece of your own mind in the story, to give it hue.

*** Open Blue OOC ***
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