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Old March 4th, 2005 (3:55 PM).
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Chibi Pika Chibi Pika is offline
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: Elsewhere
    Gender: Other
    Nature: Adamant
    Posts: 395
    Quote:
    Don't double/thripple post, use the edit button, and if you can't make it all in one post wait for someone else to write before you answer!
    ? He's doing new chapters, you're supposed to do chapters in different posts, otherwise the thread never gets bumped. It's not his fault no one else will review =/

    Ah hah, I was wondering how Mecha had gotten the robotic arm. A couple of tense errors and such:
    Quote:
    They told me to consider this a warning to me and my dad. If my dad couldnt get the money within a month of that time, they would have me killed
    Missing word
    Quote:
    Each team were taking their respective vehicles
    Each is a singular pronoun for some reason. =P So I think it should be "each team took their respective vehicles."
    Quote:
    For Black Jack, its time for smashing more heads and drink more beer.
    I think the present tense for that one will work, besause it's talking about what's going to happen, but in any case, it should be drinking more beer.

    That's all I spotted. But Isaac never metioned why Team Dark was messing with his dad or why he owed them money...me thinks plot...>=D

    Great chappie, keep it up!

    ~Chibi~
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