View Single Post
Old September 10th, 2011 (4:08 PM).
Freddy Fazbear's Avatar
Freddy Fazbear Freddy Fazbear is offline
You want the moon? I'll give you the moon.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Bedford Falls
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Zeffy View Post
I'm not really in the mood to criticize poetry or anything at the moment, but I bothered myself to review this first poem of yours. The others, maybe later when I have more time.

First off, a spelling error.

I believe 'roles' is supposed to be 'rolls'.

Anyways, by any chances is this poem supposed to be a song too? It certainly does give me that same aura that song lyrics gives me.

I can see that this is also a freeverse poem, correct? I do like poem itself, however something seems to irk me when I read it. It's like the flow isn't that great. And rhythm weren't all that noticeable. I do like the message though.

All in all, a good poem. I do look forward to reading the other ones soon.
Thanks for the feedback! I'll fix the spelling right away. Yeah almost all of my poems were originally designed to be songs, but only one of any of my songs were ever selected to be turned into a full length song, which I have yet to record. Yes, it is freeverse. As far as rythym and flow go, I'm still not really skilled them it yet. I started writing poetry not too long ago, and I've never really figured out rythym or flow. I usually just wing it on my poems. Eyes of the Ghost is an earlier poem for me, so I was definitley less experienced when I wrote it. Anyways, thanks again!
Reply With Quote