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The Plot Bunny Thread

Is Fire Emblem: Conjoinst Souls something that you'd be interested in reading?

  • Yes

    Votes: 4 50.0%
  • No

    Votes: 4 50.0%

  • Total voters
    8

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon
2,458
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Well, the whole plots seems interesting and I'd love to read. As for your question, I've a question for you too. Do you want the city to be sunk via natural means or the citizens purposely caused their country to sink? If it's the first option, well maybe an earthquake of 8.8 or a deadly tsunami could complete the job. I'm not sure how the people could sink the city, it would take a long long time.

well, i'm wanting the city to be sunk, but maybe by manipulating natural means or something that sounds... realisticish
 

bobandbill

one more time
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I agree the natural means method would be more realistic, imo.

@ Daughter of Leo - the characters you have there thus far seem to be a decent start. Consider establishing why Quinn became a druggie in your story, I suggest, and also how Mr Fuji can manage to send people to potentially other regions to bury Pokemon (is there a charity, or a network of volunteers, or..?) as those were questions that came to mind for me. The Berry juice idea is neat I feel, and certainly there are a number of different berries out there to take advantage of with that idea as well perhaps, if you so choose. Then you just need to integrate those characters into the plot you have planned. (For the record femslash is not my thing so I doubt I'll have much advice to give in regards to that =p).
 
1,142
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I'm currently working on a Warriors fanfic and I've gotten most of the characters and plot outline done. Just wondering whether anyone might be slightly interested in the idea of a Warrior Cats fanfiction? I might have a Pokemon fic up in future, but I don't have any outstanding ideas for a plot so i decided to do one for Warriors as I love that book series. XD
 
10,174
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17
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I like the Warriors series. I haven't read as many of the books as I would like. (I've only read two. I'm more of a Seekers fan.) You can still post it and see if you can get any interest. And I might still take a look if I'm familiar with any of the characters or ideas.
 
1,142
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I like the Warriors series. I haven't read as many of the books as I would like. (I've only read two. I'm more of a Seekers fan.) You can still post it and see if you can get any interest. And I might still take a look if I'm familiar with any of the characters or ideas.
Umm...well....since I'm doing a fanfic, I'm not exactly using the chraacters from the main series. I'm making up my own clans, characters etc. So it's sorta a new clean version. Anyone, even those who've never read the real fic before can still read through it. xD
 

Pika-power

Jesus of Suburbia
255
Posts
13
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I have a fanfic idea:

It is the year 100{the people of Hoenn have re-recorded dates after the takeover} and Team Magma has dominance over the entire planet. Its biggest competitor, Team Aqua, has been defeated. In the bloody war between the two teams, all pokemon have become extinct. The main charecter is a magma grunt convinced of the noble ways of Team magma. In time, however, he begins to notice the rise of the Underground, a rebellion against Magma. He begins to notice the bad things he is doing, and is determined to bring down Magma.
 
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It just seems funny that you're planning on writing a Pokemon fic when your plot could just be original fiction, and nothing is lost.

I mean, the idea is interesting, but you're really going to have to work to show how the world has changed without a massive chunk of the world's species. Pokemon make up the whole of the planet. They're what humans have centered their lives around, so if Magma/Aqua killed all the Pokemon, there's going to be some serious repercussions. The whole world's going to change.

It's just... It seems weird to want to write this using the Pokemon world and its characters when you're taking away the biggest part of the franchise. The plot idea you have, given the information that you gave, just seems better suited as original fiction unless you bring back the Pokemon into the world.
 

Pika-power

Jesus of Suburbia
255
Posts
13
Years
No, actually, Team aqua's biggest weapon against magma is that they secretly saved 4 pokemon from the bloody fighting, and they are using them against the evil Power of magma.

I won't completely take away pokemon, I promise.
 
1,142
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Ok, regarding my Warriors fanfic, I might be writing up a second book as a sequel to he first one so should I compile the books altogether in the same thread or have a individual thread for each book. There's probably about 20 chapters in a book, I'll probably won't go more than 24 or 25. I might consider posting a sequel if my fanfic gets alot of audience and feedback and if people tell me to. XD
 
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FlameEntei

Old fan
19
Posts
13
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  • Age 37
  • Seen Feb 27, 2013
My home country in the Pokemon world

Just to exercise my brain and writing muscles I have decided to write a fanfic where Ash and Co. visits my home country of Singapore.

I am using the cast of BW season in Pokemon.

Basically Ash travels to an island nation known as Entepore. Odd things happen to Ash and Co. once they land on this island whose people speak Singlish and end with "lahs".etc

Also laws that oppress Pokemon-related activities are abound in this island just as strict laws with big penalties exist in real world Singapore.

However as the 3 part series goes on, Ash and his new friend discovers that there is more than meets the eye with laws that defied those used by the Pokemon Association.

The Plot is still being concocted.

I wonder if I am going to write this in 3rd person in the point of view of a minor Character who comes in contact with Ash. Or maybe from Ash's point of view.
 
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510
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13
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  • Age 35
  • Seen Dec 4, 2011
Original story idea... your thoughts?

I was having a really long dream last night and I thought "I cannot waste this because it's such an interesting story idea". Please tell me would you read a story like this? I'm not sure if I'm going to write it or not because it's a difficult feat for me. I don't mind if someone else gives it a bash, but bear in mind if you do I might also attempt it too.

main character:

Male, teenager, living alone, final year at high school. The high school is a dump. His education is pretty bad, and he's going to leave with no prospects for his future. He lives alone because he got sick of his drug-abusing parents, and now lives in an abandoned warehouse where he has collected furnishings, a fire, etc.

Lives in a rough neighbourhood, almost pre-apocalyptic. Very dangerous. Police are corrupt criminals. Hospitals are too - they will treat you, but then you will be in debt to them and they will seize all of your assets to cover the cost of the treatment. If you don't have any, they won't even look at you (or if they've already treated you they'll have you thrown in prison).

Our male protagonist is annoyed by the Japanese trio who lark about in class, causing mischeif. A group of high energy teenage boys who are loud, boistrous, fight and play a lot, and generally see life as one big game. Protagonist can't stand them. Protagonist only really sees the serious side of life, worrying about how he will support himself.

These are the 3 Japanese guys: A tough-guy jolly character with a shaven head and tattoos, a calm, caring type character with long black fuzzy hair, and a slightly quiet character with an emo hair cut (shaven at the sides, long and dangly from the top with red streaks). But all 3 have personality traits in common: happy, non-serious, boistrous, etc, surprising since they're living in poverty.

Walking back from school, past the slums (which he hates passing due to safety risk), our protagonist is caught in stray gunfire, with a bullet crossing through his frontal lobe. The Japanese trio catch sight of this as protagonist crashes to the ground.

For a moment there is no movement, then protagonist finally stirs, before sitting up, swaying and clutching his bleeding head. The trio go to his aide, amazed and impressed that he even survived, never mind that fact he got back up. Since going to hospital is financially risky and could land them in prison, the trio take him to their home and treat him with home remedies.

All the trio have is a single shop in a run-down neighbourhood which doubles for them as a home. It seems to sell second-hand home electronics, but is doing poorly, full of only bits and pieces and no regular stock, and hasn't made a sale in a long time. Very unprofessional. It used to belong to their parents, but nothing is said about what happened to them. Our protagonist recovers here until his wounds begin to heal. It's touch-and-go, though. He risks severe infection.

When he is up and about after a couple of weeks he seems a different person, more child-like and innocent and less serious. He seems to be re-learning things and seems to have suffered some brain damage. He doesn't talk at first, even when spoken to he just stares back seemingly confused. His memories do start to come back including his ability to speak, but his personality is permanently altered due to the permanent damage to his frontal lobe. He starts to be less serious and more fun-loving, like the Japanese trio.

They teach him their ways of living, of being free and happy even in the face of poverty and oppression. Protagonist has forgotten about all the worries he used to practically get sick over from stress when he lived alone.

Their idea of fun is getting into fights with each other, running around, stirring some light-hearted trouble (with those who oppress others and the fat-cats), getting drunk, etc. Something at the back of protagonist's mind keeps telling him "this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this, these people aren't good for me" but it's not clear enough.

One time during the day when they're messing around together and it's hot out, tumbling around on the concrete and kicking a ball with some of the local kids, having a few beers, etc generally a lazy day, protagonist starts to feel dizzy, faint and distant and walks into the underpass for some shade. Very suddenly and unexpectedly he collapses to the ground. Long-hair fuzzy guy runs over while the others haven't noticed yet and turn protagonist's head round so he can see his eyes asking him over and over if he's okay.

Protagonist seems to be staring into nothingness and not responding to anything, only blinking occasionally. Then he starts to fit and foam, causing long-hair fuzzy guy to exclaim something in Japanese. He runs up, leaving protagonist to fit, (clearly not thinking straight due to panic because he shouldn't leave him alone).

Long-hair guy insists to the other guys on an ambulance when they realise protagonist is bleeding heavily from the nose too, even though it means they will need to hand over their shop to pay for the expensive treatment and end up homeless. It's a risk they end up taking, and the paramedics arrive not long after protagonist has stopped fitting and is conscious again. The paramedics just give him some drugs to prevent any future fits, since they have assessed that the guys don't have enough between them to cover any major treatment, they'd need to do scans on him in hospital and stuff to find the exact cause. They squalid little shop wouldn't cover it, they're already going to have to give up their stock to pay for the drugs.

Protagonist seems to be in a bad way, lying on a futon in the back room of the shop, not recognising anyone. He sees lots of people in the room who simply are not there, maybe people from his childhood. He keeps seeing seahorses. He also seems to have a temperature and is sweating a lot. His friends suspect that there's more to these drugs than meets the eye, and decide not to give protagonist any more.

So, I'm thinking later in the story they manage to find an actual proper doctor to come and have a look at him, maybe one who is sympathetic to the needs of the poor, or maybe one of the group get involved with something more dangerous, such as finding a doctor who is involved in an organised gang and who he can do illegal grunt work for in return for treatement and hospital access. Not sure about this. But they do eventually find a doctor who discovers it's the fact he was shot in the head that is causing this to happen to him. Swelling, heat, infection and restriction, causing burst veins and impaired brain activity. Requires surgery to remove the bullet, as well as long and costly treatment to fight the infection, with no guarantee of success.

The gang involved with the doctor need somebody to do something for them, knowing that the job is too dangerous (maybe something that will involve death, or something that will involve imprisonment, basically they need to use someone as a figurative human shield) and now the boys are in a difficult situation because the gang want to use one of them. In return they will treat their freind, but should they refuse, they will kill him.

So we see the boy's happy-go-lucky nature slowly dwindle away. I'm not sure how it might end. I haven't decided yet.
What are your thoughts?

If you're curious this is the dream that inspired it:

Some guy who lives alone is shot in a classroom in the forehead (should have killed him instantly) three times, and amazingly gets back up and sits forward. The Japanese trio in the class (who the main character hates) are amazed and think its totally the coolest thing they've ever seen and take him in as their new fourth friend. Why the guy doesn't get medical care, I don't know.

So, the Japanese trio live in what was once a shop in a slummy area (maybe the whole city is like that) and take their new friend there to let him recover. All is well. Main character has a new lease of life and starts to take things a bit more lightly, realising he almost died in misery. He starts having some fun for once. His wounds heal and he seems a different person... maybe because he just had a partial lobotomy!

There are 3 of the Japanese guys: A tough-guy jolly character with a shaven head and tattoos, a calm, caring type character with long black fuzzy hair, and a quiet, emo-ish type character with an emo hair cut (shaven at the sides, long and dangly from the top with red streaks). But all 3 have personality traits in common: happy, non-serious, boistrous, etc, surprising ince they're living in poverty.

However, suddenly out of nowhere the Japanese guys' new friend takes a sudden down-turn, collapses out of the blue, and starts to take fits, while not recognising anyone or anything, and not responding to stimuli (sometimes staring into space, or shaking violently). Long-hair guy freaks out and starts shouting something in Japanese before shouting for an ambulance.

The guy who was shot, now the one having fallen ill (this is long after his wounds are fully healed over), is visited by paramedics who, being from such a run-down slummy city, don't take him into hospital but instead just give him lots of drugs to stop his fitting, especially since he has no money.

Later, somehow, they get a doctor in (who? How? Why? I don't know) who is in amazement that this guy survived from gunshots to the head, and explains that's probably what's causing the fits and loss of awareness and personality. Meanwhile, the guy is having hallucinations that his 3 friends are seahorses floating around the room (and thinks this is totally normal), before they actually enter the room, and is also hallucinating lots of other people in the room who aren't there, maybe people from his past.

Then the dream switches to a woman going into a Channel 4 News station for a job interview. She heads up the building until she reaches the office of the woman who will be taking her interview, only to discover the interviewer has gone completely mad.
 
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bobandbill

one more time
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Going to move this to the Plot Bunny thread sticky - this is what that thread is for after all. =p
 
510
Posts
13
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  • Age 35
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Plot bunny... what is this I don't even

Just read it. I didn't realise this was for story ideas, maybe you should change the thread title? Plot bunny just sounds like, I dunno, weird. Like some sort of story title.
 

bobandbill

one more time
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Maybe it's not clear for people who have never heard of it but it seems to be a pretty common term for 'story idea' as far as I know. At any rate the thread is explained in the first post anyways.
 
510
Posts
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Yeah I know in my last post I said I had just read it, but what I was suggesting was making the title more obvious because before now it really didn't occur to me that the thread was for plot ideas. I'm afraid in all my time writing fanfics and stories I have never encountered the term plot bunny. As I say I thought it was some story title or fanfiction or a club or something so I really had no incentive to check it out. It's just a suggestion to prevent any further confusion. Maybe type in brackets next to the title (plot ideas go here) or something.

Hope I could be of help.
 

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
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Yeah I know in my last post I said I had just read it, but what I was suggesting was making the title more obvious because before now it really didn't occur to me that the thread was for plot ideas. I'm afraid in all my time writing fanfics and stories I have never encountered the term plot bunny. As I say I thought it was some story title or fanfiction or a club or something so I really had no incentive to check it out. It's just a suggestion to prevent any further confusion. Maybe type in brackets next to the title (plot ideas go here) or something.

Hope I could be of help.

Tip: Google writing terms you're not familiar with. Sometimes, you're going to encounter jargon like "Mary Sue" or "plot bunny," and bluntly put, these are extremely common terms that a lot of people have already encountered, sorry to say. The term "plot bunny" is even common in original fiction.

Not only that, but it's a customary procedure to skim (at the very least) the stickies of a forum before interacting on it because of the potential that one of them might contain vital information for interacting on the board.

As for your idea, you're basically telling us the entire story right off the bat, and I'd just like to say this isn't the best practice to have. Not because someone might tl;dr your idea proposal (although you also have that as a risk) but more because if you tell us most of the story, we'll probably go into your fic thinking we've already read this stuff.

But on to the concept itself, I had the feeling that it was a bit all over the place. Just to make sure I've got it down correctly, let me recap what you're saying.

1. Main character is technically a homeless squatter who sounds like he's orphaned. Sort of makes me wonder about the social programs in that country (because if he's under the age of eighteen in most countries, he'd probably be put in a home of one sort or another by the state).

2. Group of boisterous Japanese guys are involved. It shouldn't be surprising that they're poor, however. Not everyone who's living in poverty is angst-ridden. (In fact, sometimes, the more common outlook on life in that situation -- in some countries, at least -- is to be happy and carefree about it because you realize you're in a situation where your only option is to make the best of what you have.) I'm pointing this out because I'd like to warn you against falling into stereotypes and clichés involving your characters.

3. The main character is shot through the head, and the bullet passes through the brain. At this point, I'd like to recommend highly doing some Google research because, first and foremost, you probably wouldn't get back up from a head injury that severe. Second, the general head area contains one of the highest (if not the highest) concentration of blood vessels in the human body. A cut in your scalp the size of a dime can result in enough blood loss to send you into shock (shock = not good). Then, a brain injury needs some serious medical treatment right away, even if you're probably not going to recover fully from brain damage. I mean, just thinking about the infections and the swelling and the risk of death isn't pretty. (Think of it like this. Go look up Gabrielle Giffords. She had a very similar injury -- shot to the head that passed through part of her brain -- and, well, she was considered lucky that she could still talk. The news stories about the assassination attempt on her, as grim as they are, might be able to give you some insight as to how much of an impact a head wound can have on a person.)

4. As a side note, it wouldn't be expensive for the bystanders to send this guy to a hospital. It'd just be expensive for the protagonist. And even then, in a number of countries, once the hospital realizes he can't pay, there's probably government programs that could help him.

5. I'm also a little surprised that there doesn't seem to be much of a direction towards finding out who shot him and why. It might've been an accident, sure, but I'm just saying don't treat it like a convenient plot point.

6. The frontal lobe doesn't just control memories and personality. It also controls things like motor functions (which means that the main character will have trouble doing things like walking, writing, and other extremely basic skills) and judgment (meaning the character will no longer be able to figure out right from wrong or decide what's best in a social situation). Moreover, brain damage -- especially untreated -- can leave some permanent effects, so if that character doesn't head to a hospital and still somehow survives (keeping in mind that it's the swelling around the brain that's usually the dangerous part, not the initial injury), it's not very likely that he'll function properly.

And yes, the brain swelling usually happens pretty quickly (at least, in comparison with the timeline you're setting up, which seems to imply that the kid's able to get back on his feet and spend enough time to learn the gang's way of life). That's why hospitals tend to rush all over the place in order to treat a brain injury.

In short, while the baseline (a bunch of guys watching as their friend is slowly slipping away) is a pretty interesting concept, you'll really want to go back and make friends with Google before proceeding. Some of the stuff you're covering (like the timeline between the character getting shot and the character getting sent to the hospital) might be pretty vital to the way your plot works.
 
510
Posts
13
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  • Age 35
  • Seen Dec 4, 2011
I'll answer inside the quote in bold because it takes a long time to make multiple quotes.

Tip: Google writing terms you're not familiar with. Sometimes, you're going to encounter jargon like "Mary Sue" or "plot bunny," and bluntly put, these are extremely common terms that a lot of people have already encountered, sorry to say. The term "plot bunny" is even common in original fiction.

Not only that, but it's a customary procedure to skim (at the very least) the stickies of a forum before interacting on it because of the potential that one of them might contain vital information for interacting on the board.

Sorry I didn't know this. I actually used to think that they were just optional info, unless it specifically said "read here first". I didn't realise that regular stickies could have vital info to the board too. It seems I'm not familiar with customs and stuff here.

As for your idea, you're basically telling us the entire story right off the bat, and I'd just like to say this isn't the best practice to have. Not because someone might tl;dr your idea proposal (although you also have that as a risk) but more because if you tell us most of the story, we'll probably go into your fic thinking we've already read this stuff.

Well actually all I've given you is an incomplete summary actually, and haven't even decided on how it will end so don't worry about that.

But on to the concept itself, I had the feeling that it was a bit all over the place. Just to make sure I've got it down correctly, let me recap what you're saying.

1. Main character is technically a homeless squatter who sounds like he's orphaned. Sort of makes me wonder about the social programs in that country (because if he's under the age of eighteen in most countries, he'd probably be put in a home of one sort or another by the state).

I should probably have clarified that this is a fictional world. It's not any city or country that exists in our world with a very different system. Pretty much a total lack of social programs (although it used to have them). But I've already decided to change that aspect of his character to instead living with his parents, but they're the type that wouldn't even notice he was gone for days (I have known of some parents who were like this).

2. Group of boisterous Japanese guys are involved. It shouldn't be surprising that they're poor, however. Not everyone who's living in poverty is angst-ridden. (In fact, sometimes, the more common outlook on life in that situation -- in some countries, at least -- is to be happy and carefree about it because you realize you're in a situation where your only option is to make the best of what you have.) I'm pointing this out because I'd like to warn you against falling into stereotypes and clichés involving your characters.

Again, I probably explained it poorly. It was supposed to be surprising to the protagonist more, not so much the reader. He can't understand why they're able to be happy because he's such a misery-guts. It's more to convey the protagonist's character than anything else, but as I said in note form it might not have been very clear.

3. The main character is shot through the head, and the bullet passes through the brain. At this point, I'd like to recommend highly doing some Google research because, first and foremost, you probably wouldn't get back up from a head injury that severe. Second, the general head area contains one of the highest (if not the highest) concentration of blood vessels in the human body. A cut in your scalp the size of a dime can result in enough blood loss to send you into shock (shock = not good). Then, a brain injury needs some serious medical treatment right away, even if you're probably not going to recover fully from brain damage. I mean, just thinking about the infections and the swelling and the risk of death isn't pretty. (Think of it like this. Go look up Gabrielle Giffords. She had a very similar injury -- shot to the head that passed through part of her brain -- and, well, she was considered lucky that she could still talk. The news stories about the assassination attempt on her, as grim as they are, might be able to give you some insight as to how much of an impact a head wound can have on a person.)

Well, I thought I'd put it down already but maybe, as I say, I didn't make it all that clear or maybe I forgot. The point is that it's supposed to be unbelievable. Like "no way that just happened" kind of unbelievable. It's what's supposed to be so surprising about it. In the dream I had the guy's head lit up and blood didn't really pour out for some reason (just leaked), and everyone was shocked that he even lived. I'd hope to expand on this when I come up with an idea for it.

4. As a side note, it wouldn't be expensive for the bystanders to send this guy to a hospital. It'd just be expensive for the protagonist. And even then, in a number of countries, once the hospital realizes he can't pay, there's probably government programs that could help him.

Point was the bystanders were looking out for a fellow human being. They'd know he would be in trouble because he's a classmate and they know he's poor, and because in this place there aren't any government programs to help him. In the dream the bystanders knew the bullets went inside, but in the story it might be better if they thought it just skiffed him.

5. I'm also a little surprised that there doesn't seem to be much of a direction towards finding out who shot him and why. It might've been an accident, sure, but I'm just saying don't treat it like a convenient plot point.

Thanks for pointing it out I'll have a think about that. If there's anything else please let me know because as I say, it's still very incomplete so far and there's still a lot I need to cover.

6. The frontal lobe doesn't just control memories and personality. It also controls things like motor functions (which means that the main character will have trouble doing things like walking, writing, and other extremely basic skills) and judgment (meaning the character will no longer be able to figure out right from wrong or decide what's best in a social situation). Moreover, brain damage -- especially untreated -- can leave some permanent effects, so if that character doesn't head to a hospital and still somehow survives (keeping in mind that it's the swelling around the brain that's usually the dangerous part, not the initial injury), it's not very likely that he'll function properly.

And yes, the brain swelling usually happens pretty quickly (at least, in comparison with the timeline you're setting up, which seems to imply that the kid's able to get back on his feet and spend enough time to learn the gang's way of life). That's why hospitals tend to rush all over the place in order to treat a brain injury.

See previous note about it supposed to be being unbelievable.

In short, while the baseline (a bunch of guys watching as their friend is slowly slipping away) is a pretty interesting concept, you'll really want to go back and make friends with Google before proceeding. Some of the stuff you're covering (like the timeline between the character getting shot and the character getting sent to the hospital) might be pretty vital to the way your plot works.

Thanks you've given me a lot to think about and there is a lot to improve on the plot summary. But you gotta admit it was a really cool idea for just being based off a dream? I mean it's pretty awesome if you consider that. Like something that should never happen happens. I guess it was more hair-raising in the dream itself, seeing that guy get back up after what happened (because I do realise that it's impossible, lol, I'm not daft).
 

SeleneHime

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but I'll t
121
Posts
13
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Hmm ... Penny for your thought.

In all sorts of pokemon canon, we see characters with both natural and unusual hair colors that seem to come about through nature (Bugsy, Karen, Ardos, etc). Would you believe it all right to transfer that into fiction, especially mainly OCs, or do you prefer to use real-world hair colors on no uncertain terms?

Just something I've been tossing about while working on my original region.
 

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
19
Years
Sorry I didn't know this. I actually used to think that they were just optional info, unless it specifically said "read here first". I didn't realise that regular stickies could have vital info to the board too. It seems I'm not familiar with customs and stuff here.

Yeah, this is a generally good rule of thumb to keep in mind: that the stickies are generally worth looking over because they usually contain important information of one sort or another. That's why they're stickies, after all: to separate them from the other threads (the ones that are actually optional) and to highlight that they're probably a good idea to look over. This is pretty much true anywhere you go, even on SPPf (where I've also seen you hang around).

Well actually all I've given you is an incomplete summary actually, and haven't even decided on how it will end so don't worry about that.

Nonetheless, it's how incomplete it is that's the cause of worry here to be honest. Like, if this was the first 50% of the story, we might be a little put-off by the story itself. Emphasis on might. I mean, if this was pretty skeletal for the first 50%, it still might not be too much of a turn-off and all, but.

I should probably have clarified that this is a fictional world. It's not any city or country that exists in our world with a very different system. Pretty much a total lack of social programs (although it used to have them).

*le nod* Yeah, definitely keep in mind that whenever you ask for opinions on your plot ideas, you'll want to provide any and all information that would allow people besides you to understand what's going on. I know that sounds really condescending, but I seriously don't mean it like that. I'm just saying this to help you figure out how these kinds of threads tend to work. Just remember that everyone else isn't you, so we'll need as much information as possible when you ask us these kinds of questions because we just don't know the kind of world as well as you do. I'd suggest putting pretty important information (like a brief summary of what the world is like, considering it's original fiction) behind a spoiler cut to keep your length under control.

That being said, I can understand a lack of social programs in that case, sure. The parents thing could work as well, and it probably would work better than just having him be homeless. After all, giving him a family not only offers up a background (and maybe some free characterization by allowing us to see how he interacts with his family members) but also explains why he's in school instead of scrounging around for food. Or, for that matter, how he can afford school if he's a homeless squatter. (In areas where a public school option isn't provided by the government, there's usually only privately run schools as an alternative. As in, the state doesn't run them, but a church or separate organization does. Which probably means there'd be tuition involved and whatnot. Family explains that away by giving the character a source of support.)

Again, I probably explained it poorly. It was supposed to be surprising to the protagonist more, not so much the reader. He can't understand why they're able to be happy because he's such a misery-guts. It's more to convey the protagonist's character than anything else, but as I said in note form it might not have been very clear.

Fair enough there. Personally, I like the way you're building up the main character, and considering that his outlook is that grim, it'll be satisfying to see karma kick his tail. I do have to say, in general, that your characterization is one of your strongest points, so I'm sure it'll be fun to see how you treat his personality roller-coaster (i.e., how he goes from a pessimist to a happy-go-lucky kid to... well catatonia, but hey).

The point is that it's supposed to be unbelievable. Like "no way that just happened" kind of unbelievable. It's what's supposed to be so surprising about it. In the dream I had the guy's head lit up and blood didn't really pour out for some reason (just leaked), and everyone was shocked that he even lived. I'd hope to expand on this when I come up with an idea for it.

When you go to write this idea, unless you're outright writing a fantasy or something along those lines, you'll probably have people who will be asking these questions anyway. This goes especially for the fact that he's just shrugging off a head injury because that could be a sign that he's a godmodding Gary Stu. (That is to say, he ignores the laws of science just because he needs to be awesome.) It will probably leave a bad taste in a reader's mouth, just because it's really hard to take a fic seriously when a character suddenly has godly abilities (like one that allows him to ignore serious injuries) for no apparent reason besides "it looks cool."

That and you've got a lot of potential for drama (the good kind) if you treat the wound realistically or introduce the fact that this is a fantasy world. For the first idea, it means that the wound gets treated, and the three guys suddenly find themselves responsible for a kid who's got some serious mental issues as a result. For the second, it means you make the readers wonder just what this kid is and if there's more of him. Right now, it feels like you're not really doing either (in that you're not creating a real fantasy world and you're not really treating it realistically), so it just feels like it has the potential of ending up as an awkward moment of Gary Stuing.

Point was the bystanders were looking out for a fellow human being.

So... despite the lack of social programs, why did they think it was a good idea not to get help of any kind? I mean, even the cops, considering he was just shot at. Or even a doctor, considering they eventually found one who would help him anyway? I mean, why didn't they just do the whole "go find a professional" thing to begin with instead of wait until he was foaming at the mouth and bleeding all over the place? After all, he clearly had a head wound (because in order to injure the frontal lobe, I'm pretty sure there's no possible wound that you could inflict that looks like the person was grazed instead), and he collapsed. Wouldn't that trip any mental alarms for them?

Just trying to figure this one out because it's probably going to be your biggest plot point, looks like.

See previous note about it supposed to be being unbelievable.

My point about the frontal lobe wasn't just a point about believability. It was a point about what to do with your story thereafter. Put it this way. If you rely on the idea that this is supposed to be unbelievable, you're passing up a lot of potential plot points. There's a lot of drama that could be added to your story and a lot of obstacles that your character could overcome built into the injury you chose to give him. If you choose to give him an injury this serious but refuse to go into the full spectrum of implications that it carries (that is, what it means for him if you decide to give him those obstacles or what it means for him if they're just not present -- the latter on a particularly detailed level for reasons I'll explain in a moment), it's not going to come off as awesome. It's going to come off as, frankly put, a little boring, and an intelligent reader will pick up on the idea that something is missing.

Now, I mentioned earlier something about implications in the consequences just not being there. What I mean by that is right now, it seems like you're focusing a lot on the character not being happy-go-lucky, on his relationship with the gang, on the gang's struggle to pay the doctor, and all kinds of side points. However, you want the nature of the character's wound to go against the laws of reality. If you shrug off science, your readers are going to look at your character and write him off as a Gary Stu, as I've mentioned paragraphs ago. However, if you mention that science just doesn't apply here, you really have to go into detail as to why, especially if the other characters realize that this isn't normal. It probably says a lot about the protagonist himself, and in general, you're going to have to be prepared to explore all the reasons why this is special. Is he a zombie? God? Fairy? Vampire? Alien? Something else? Whatever he is, it's going to open the door for the gang to a world beyond what they're used to, so, yeah, it's going to be a little important.

Short of it is, don't just shrug off science just because you want this to be trippy and cool. In prose, everything happens for a reason. Be prepared to back up your plot points, and don't introduce something major unless you're willing to explore the full impact of that something on the cast. In other words, if you want the story to focus more on the character interaction instead of the character's injury, don't give the protagonist a serious injury. If you do want the injury to be massively important, don't set it aside for the character interactions and then go back to the injury later on in the story as if it's an afterthought.

Thanks you've given me a lot to think about and there is a lot to improve on the plot summary.

No problem. Good luck with everything, and I hope this reply helps you develop it a bit further.

But you gotta admit it was a really cool idea for just being based off a dream?

Tip: Don't tell a plot reviewer that they should think your idea is cool. It comes off odd.

With that being said, there's a couple of things you have to keep in mind about dreams:

1. What happens in them inherently doesn't make much sense. That's why translating them into writing (or even a visual medium) in a way that makes sense to anyone but you is extremely difficult. It's also why you'll need to make it clear whether or not you mean for it to be fantasy when you go to write it. (Basically, it circles back to what I said about fantastical fiction versus realistic fiction in the paragraphs above this.) If it's not meant to be a fantasy, it's your job as a writer to take that dream and reshape it to make some of the surreal elements be a little easier for the reader to buy. This isn't an issue of whether or not you're allowed to make something unbelievable. It's more of an issue of simply making things make sense to people besides you.

2. Dreams have special meaning to the people who have them. For example, bluntly put, that dream you had seems rather tame compared to most of what goes on in my head while I sleep, but I'm sure that if I told you about some of mine, you'd probably think they're rather stupid. (No, really. Even I can see how anyone but me would think some of my dreams are rather stupid, but they still affect me because I'm pretty sure my brain is smoking weed when I'm not looking.) The reason why is because each of our dreams contain symbols and extracts of our psyche to make them basically be movies custom-made for our brains.

To make it a bit clearer, imagine a magical bread. The first person who touches it decides what that bread will taste like because the magic knows what that person likes the most. So, the first person touches it, and the bread suddenly tastes like anchovies. Now, the first person is thrilled because HOLY CRAP ANCHOVIES THE BREAD KNOWS MEEEE, but anyone else who takes a slice goes, "What the crap did I just eat." This is because the magic is in the person's mind. I swear this wasn't just an excuse for a convoluted analogy, but the point is it's awesome to you because it's your dream. To everyone else, it could go either way.

To me, personally? The fact that it was based on a dream doesn't really affect me that much because of point the third:

3. A lot of people write stories based on dreams. There's Coleridge's "Kubla Khan." The famous Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Stephen King doesn't remember writing Cujo. (Although would that really count?) Lovecraft, of course.

And, of course, a lot of fic writers. There's actually a plot bunny in my head that's based on one, although I don't directly lift it from what happened in said dream. I'm also certain that I'm not the only one who wrote fic based on a dream, but I'm honestly too lazy to look up who might have as well.

Point is... eh. *shrug* Honestly, it really doesn't matter to me whether or not it's a dream, sorry to be blunt about it. It's what you do with it that's more important anyway.

Edit:

Hmm ... Penny for your thought.

In all sorts of pokemon canon, we see characters with both natural and unusual hair colors that seem to come about through nature (Bugsy, Karen, Ardos, etc). Would you believe it all right to transfer that into fiction, especially mainly OCs, or do you prefer to use real-world hair colors on no uncertain terms?

Just something I've been tossing about while working on my original region.

Side note: Not to mini-mod or anything, but it's perfectly okay to ask these questions in separate threads.

Actually, is it at all clear what a plot bunny is in the first post? To quickly define it (if it isn't because I know sometimes bullet point lists might skip information and whatnot), a plot bunny is a plot idea. Concept. Summary of a potential story you're writing. Something like that. It's not a particular detail in the story, and it's not a blow-by-blow summary of everything that happens in it (for the purposes of this thread anyway). It's just a summary of what you plan on doing with all the information we need to get it (in order to help you) without getting spoiled.

That being said, at the risk of sounding biting (and I apologize for that), yes, it's okay to have a character who's pink/purple/green/blue/whatever-hair-colored. There's only two ways where it's not okay:

1. If you proceed to turn that character into a Mary Sue by having her be a vortex of implausible happenings (i.e., have her say, "screw the rules; I'm awesome").
2. If you focus too much on the character's hair color. (Brief mentioning is okay. Paragraphs and repeated references to this color are not unless it's for some reason part of the plot.)
 
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SeleneHime

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but I'll t
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Edit:
Side note: Not to mini-mod or anything, but it's perfectly okay to ask these questions in separate threads.

Actually, is it at all clear what a plot bunny is in the first post? To quickly define it (if it isn't because I know sometimes bullet point lists might skip information and whatnot), a plot bunny is a plot idea. Concept. Summary of a potential story you're ducking. Something like that. It's not a particular detail in the story, and it's not a blow-by-blow summary of everything that happens in it (for the purposes of this thread anyway). It's just a summary of what you plan on doing with all the information we need to get it (in order to help you) without getting spoiled.

That being said, at the risk of sounding biting (and I apologize for that), yes, it's okay to have a character what's pink/purple/green/blue/whatever-hair-colored. There's only two ways when it's not okay:

1. If you proceed to turn that character into a Mary Sue by having her be a vortex of implausible happenings (i.e., have her say, "screw the rules; I'm awesome").
2. If you focus too much on the character's hair color. (Brief mentioning is okay. Paragraphs and repeated references to this color are not unless it's for some reason part of the plot.)

I do realize what a plot bunny is, and mine breed like the real things. However, I didn't think it was worth creating an entire thread for one off-the-wall question on opinions. My apologies, though, for posting in this one then.

*Chuckles.* Well, no worries of the numbered options. The closest that could even happen to number1 would be Cecilia (though in this case, it'd be unusual eye colors; though lilac is hereditary in her family as well as being a genetic throwback) having her own amateur powers as a psychic backfire on her without even trying to use them. Nothing like having your senses omitted, eh?

But, yeah. I was mainly just asking out of curiosity.
 
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