Rock, Paper... My Foot!

I knew of this game before, but it died out and i wanna bring it back since i loved it.

So basically you post something which would beat the thing what the poster above you said.
Like this:

Guy #1: I have a rock.
Guy #2: Your rock is no match against my spoon!

Anything is possible, so let your creativity free on this :3

Ill start off:
I have my hand.

your hand has no chance against my hammer : d

(this reminded me of cuil theory for some reason omg)
((hope im doing this right))

I have a Arceus

(lol another funny game)

Well unfortunately your Arceus is no match against my french fries

your french fries have no chance against my duck

your duck is no chance against my curly hair

your curly hair has no chance against my straightener!

your straightener is no chance against my shampoo

your shampoo has no chance against my conditioner

your conditioner has no chance against my dry scalp!

Your dry scalp has no chance against my wig!

your wig has no chance against my scissors !

Your scissors have no chance against my Scizor

your scizor had no chance against my Talonflame

your talonflame has no chance against my deep fryer

your deep fryer has nada chance against my freezer

your freezer has no chance against my fridge

Your fridge is no match against my cage.

your cage has no chance against my key

Your key will suffer from my hot chocolate >:D