Thread: [Pokémon] Convergent Paths
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Old January 31st, 2010 (4:12 PM).
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Legendarian Mistress Legendarian Mistress is offline
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    Join Date: Nov 2007
    Location: Queensland
    Gender: Female
    Nature: Relaxed
    Posts: 716
    My review is as follows...

    Overall, you did a fantastic job.

    However, I didn’t like Sakura or her Goldeen.

    “Hide,” Sakura said, so soft that Cassandra could barely hear her. Deena dived down under the water and disappeared. Swablu hovered uncertainly. Cassandra squinted into the water, unsure of what to command. “Now!” Sakura yelled suddenly.
    “Hide!” Sakura said desperately, eyeing her own yellow bar as the judges took away points for Deena’s graceless landing. She was now only ahead of Cassandra by a very small margin; she needed to get more points. The clock was going to run out soon; it hadn’t for any of the other battles, which had all resulted in a definite win by a Pokémon fainting.
    I disliked these two parts in particular, because hiding seems cowardly.

    the MC was yelling excitedly. “What a victory! Our own local, long-haired Cassandra Étoile has annihilated Sakura Konohana!”
    IMO, this was the best part.

    Keep up the excellent work.
    Credit goes to Sgt Shock for my signature and avatar
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