Confess something!

Decibel575 said:

And wouldn't it be creepy for a single man to want to adopt? It's what I've always been told.

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I cannot stress enough how untrue that idea is, and how you shouldn't listen to it - there is nothing creepy about wanting to be a father!

EmTheGhost said:

I cannot stress enough how untrue that idea is, and how you shouldn't listen to it - there is nothing creepy about wanting to be a father!

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The main argument they tell me is just looking at everyone here that I know. I rarely see a family with a father, it is usually only a mother once a father walks out. Anyone who want'a to be a single father is a paedophile apparently.

Decibel575 said:

The main argument they tell me is just looking at everyone here that I know. I rarely see a family with a father, it is usually only a mother once a father walks out. Anyone who want'a to be a single father is a paedophile apparently.

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I really don't know what to say to that except that it makes me sad that people think that way. :/ Single parents of any gender deserve respect.

EmTheGhost said:

I really don't know what to say to that except that it makes me sad that people think that way. :/ Single parents of any gender deserve respect.

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Yeah, it is sad. Mother's have advantage in the court system, many father's are killing themselves too. Recently a man was arrested because he looked suspicious helping a lost child. It's all sorted now, but the fact that they judge on gender alone is quite upsetting. Another reason I am afraid of the future, because when I talk like that I'm afraid I'm going to become some sexist grouch

Another little confession. I get really attached to anyone that shows me a little kindness. It's how many bullies got close to me.

Decibel575 said:

I am honestly scared of the future, since I'm pretty sure I'll either die before I'm 30, or my family will just pretend I don't exist. I already disappoint them enough as I am, I can't keep concentration and due to my anxiety, I can't even get a job to help support my family. I know I'm going to be alone all my life, not knowing basic things to live a proper life. I'm too scared to ask for help with anything, as all the times I did I got yelled at. During highschool, I just forced myself to stop crying, as I was judged with whatever I did.

I'm afraid I'm going to just become an addict and hurt someone, even though I've never had drugs before.
I'm dumb, and while I do want to cook for a living, I know I'll never be good enough.

I would like a family when I'm older, but with the way the world is now, I know it will be impossible to be happy. :'D

Sorry, pretty depressing.

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Very relatable. My family is very patient with me, though, but that doesn't stop the itchy feeling that I'm fundamentally incapable of learning and am likely to end up as an addict. And the anxiety and lack of real world knowledge... its a hideous way to be.

That being said, I think it's definitely worthwhile to pursue a career in cooking and to generally disregard all of the "can'ts" and "not good enoughs" that are gonna come your way. Because if you listen to people and behave accordingly... you're never gonna do anything. Live defiantly. Do what you want, even if you lag behind the others a little and whatever. Better late than never. Better having tried than having been too scared to.

And today's world is pretty shitty, but happiness isn't impossible! It's not a guarantee, sure. The only thing we're guaranteed is death, and you don't wanna die before giving everything a shot.

As for my own bit of confessions:

I'm feeling depressed for the first time in my life. I still smile and laugh and have fun, and I notice the beauty and stuff, but there's a void which stares into me whenever I'm not preoccupied. I feel kind of hopeless, and am on the edge of tears whenever I'm alone. I know there is hope. The pit of my gut knows it, but I'm just caught in an endless loop and it's sort of tearing at me. It's just a smattering of depression, really. And I feel so disconnected from life. Like, if I was dead, there'd be no difference.

It also feels like I'm growing a cyst; a personality that is both separate and... not. I am not myself lately, that's for sure. The Real Me is lodged in the past, somewhere between watching GTA 4 and walking sulkily on a beach. I have no idea who this stranger in my head is.

I wish I had friends sometimes.

That's probably an odd thing to say, because I make it a point to keep a wider-than-normal distance between myself and others. There is a very solid wall there. Although that is due in no small part to the fact that I am at my core an intolerable and thoroughly unlikeable person, and people who get to know me inevitably wind up hating me. People can like me professionally, sure, but not as a person. I don't blame them for this though; you can't get along with everyone...it just seems I am one of those people that nobody can get along with on a personal level. I'm one of those people can be helpful and supportive of others if necessary, but has nobody to turn to myself, because it's an ugly and disgusting side of me that nobody wants anything to do with...myself included. I have always understood that I am the problem, but that it's beyond my ability to do anything about it, and I guess I've made peace with it.

I've always seen myself as something less than other people, and the way I've been treated by others only reinforces that whenever I've tried to let them in. I also deal with a lot that I can't really explain to other people, so I need a lot of space at times. The "you can talk to me" line always has an unspoken "but please don't" attached to the end of it; it's just people's way of being polite and pretending they care whilst praying to whatever deity they may worship that I'll get out of their face...so I do. Explaining is tiring and difficult anyway, and half the time the thing I need the most is solitude so I can calm the fuck down and keep myself together.

I'm not really suited for having friends, or people I can talk to on a more personal level more frequently. But I wish things could be different sometimes.

It's a Sunday, and I have 4 assessments due next week, two on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, and one on Thursday.

1 I haven't started, two nearly complete, and 1 that I've barely done much of.

I said I'd cram in one of my subjects today, but I've been procrastinating the whole day. There was one point where I was trying to create the idea of a peacock/mathematics Pokemon. That's how far I can procrastinate to.

I think there was this one time last year, where instead of studying, I was staring at the box cover of Yo-Kai Watch 3 Tempura for a solid 20-40 minutes. I still don't know how I can procrastinate so well.

Lighthearted confession:
Despite everything I've heard, I've always sorta wanted to see the live-action Smurfs movie. :{

I know what you mean, I had the same opinion of the live-action Super Mario Bros movie.

Folks give it a lot of guff, but I never thought it was that bad. It's okay if you watch it expecting a sci-fi parody.

Maedar said:

I know what you mean, I had the same opinion of the live-action Super Mario Bros movie.

Folks give it a lot of guff, but I never thought it was that bad. It's okay if you watch it expecting a sci-fi parody.

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I just really like the idea of the Smurfs interacting with regular modern-day humans. (Plus, y'know, Neil Patrick Harris...)

when I was 10 and was just starting out my Sapphire I picked Mudkip because I thought it was the fire-type starter

I feel that life is acutely pointless. I know it isn't, sort of, but it feels like it is. I am running in circles, nothing ever changes, and it's so microscopic and gradual... everything is gradual. Everything takes years. Nothing is sudden - it's just that we didn't notice the build-up. And my little ways of keeping the glass castle in tact are... bad and damaging.

Making light of very serious things, if only to deal with them better, is just cutting away the gravity and replacing it with irritation! Someone near me is depressed and in pain? It's annoying. I feel like I've been ruining myself with safeguards. I've backed myself into a crippling corner.

I'm so numb. I bounce back from everything, though, and turn sort of dizzy happy - like its a noise, not a feeling. And the more cogent feelings are what I tell myself aren't real. I explain them away. Get sad after a few months, and pent-up and furious and impatient? It's Just One of Those Things. A reoccurring episode, like everything else, that doesn't mean anything. Because my life is too cushioned, and good, and safe to give me reason to be like that, right? I feel like I don't even have a right to despair. That belief seems a little toxic but everything is pointless and 2D, so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Getting up in the morning and washing my face, and drawing and talking and writing... so pointless. Round and round it goes. There should be a fork in the path but its just a roundabout.

And I'm going to feel better. I'm going to forget this until the next time, and the next, and the next. I'm going to relapse. It's a guarantee. And all the little things are made into this huge, ultra, big deal. Watching a movie? Eating a sandwich? Going for a walk? Everything is rendered into this massive, life-or-death situation. Reality has become so fucking surreal. I can't feel anything! Even the happiness is just noise! The little stabs of pain that I can't even feel! I just feel the void inside get a little wider, and maybe my eyes get watery and that's it. There is no sensation. I'm officially just a mannequin.

Life doesn't matter. It's just not there anymore. I can't remember a thing. Tiny flecks of yesteryear, when I was a child. And I can't tell if the nostalgia is getting in the way of what I was actually feeling at the time. I.e, anything. Was I feeling anything? Was I born like this? Yes. But it's just gotten worse.

I'm too scared to do anything because I don't want to get in trouble, or laughed at, or for people to shout at me. For those reasons, being an actor is getting to be too frightening. Too scared to learn anything for the same reasons. Too scared, full stop. And everything is surreal and pointless, so I may as well sit on my ass and stare out a window.

I'm so sick of feeling only in vibrations, and sometimes not at all, and not remembering anything. And I want friends, but I don't want to fight or be undermined or be on the fourth tier to them. Same with a lover or whatever. If they dare shout at me, I'm just going to walk out. And yeah, I'm a coward. I just bow down to people and go along with what they want now. I'm sick of putting up any kind of fight.

I'm waiting for the Old Me to come back and kick my ass, and be brave and do things for my future. And feel, and remember, because at this rate it doesn't seem to matter if I'm dead or alive. Seem is the operative word. There has to be an undercurrent of meaning and reality somewhere. There has to be.

The New Me is awful. Its dead. Actually dead.

I've been wanting to throw myself off of a cliff for some time now. It just feels like i have to live this certain path in life and if i stray away from it everything collapses on me and shits on me