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The Beta Thread (3.0)

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1
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Jan 9, 2013
Title of the Story: (Unnamed thus far)
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: A 15-year-old becomes a trainer and tries to find his role in life. Meanwhile, Ghetsis makes one final desperate grab for control of the Unova region, gathering the tools necessary for the completion of "Project G".
Genre: Action/Adventure
Rating: PG/PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
Writing sample of story: [FONT=&quot]A flash of light signaled the release of the Pokéball's lock, an Abra appearing from the whiteness with a small, annoyed noise. Then, its eyes began to open into narrow slits, blue energy crackling in its gaze. Its body flickered, as if made of static, and then vanished into the air, leaving naught but an empty ball and a patch of grass.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
With a groan, Rex trudged forward to retrieve the capture device, his partner Rascal skipping to keep up with his trainer's longer strides. The Eevee nuzzled against its companion's leg encouragingly as the boy stooped to pick up the Pokéball, his tail thumping against the top of his trainer's shoe. Noticing his friend's attempts at trying to cheer him up, Rex gave it a weary smile. "I guess it's not as easy as I thought to catch Pokémon, huh?" [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He sat down at his Pokémon's side, blades of grass wilting underneath him. Rascal scampered up to his trainer, hopping into his lap and purring softly. "I guess we can take a break now," Rex agreed, scratching behind Rascal's ears almost absent-mindedly, the small Pokémon tail waggling even faster than before. "Maybe we'll get lucky after lunch."[/FONT]
 

miltankRancher

Mega Ampharos is the one.
3,947
Posts
13
Years
Title of Story: Temporarily entitles "Conspiracy"
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Eighteen-year old Lawrence Herman finally decided (or was pushed?) to become a Pokemon Trainer after dropping out college. With his father's advice, Lawrence will undergo the most grueling journey his life would ever go on to. However, unseen forces lurk in every corner as friends turn to enemies, enemies turn to allies, and old legends brought back to life. With a few help along the way, Lawrence will understand what it takes to become the Pokemon Master.
Genre: Action/Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive with focus on Grammar.
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:



Other: I've written 6 chapters of the story already, although I am needing a second opinion regarding things. Also, grammar is my weakest point in writing.
 

Nolafus

Aspiring something
5,724
Posts
11
Years
Title of Story: Alien Poverty
Fandom: None (I hope that's okay!)
Plot summary: An alien race known as Srains have inhabited Earth and have been living there for a few generations. The story follows a Srain named Nolafus and his daily struggles, as a single father, against segregation, and trying to be a good role model for his two kids.
Genre: SciFi with a little bit of historical fiction.
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13 (minor language)
Type of mentor needed: My biggest struggle is with description.I keep receiving the critique "good dialogue, but description is lacking."
Example of writing:
Spoiler:


Other: I'm finished with three chapters and working on my fourth one. I would like someone to help me improve overall.
 

darkpokeball

Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
762
Posts
14
Years
Title of Story: ATLA: Omens
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Plot summary: After visiting a spiritual place, a boy named Aang that was the bridge between the mortal and spirit worlds, recieves a premonition of an event that could lead to his friends and loved ones dying.
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG, just to be safe.
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:

Other: I've been writing for a long time and, in my opinion, I'm gradually getting better. I feel like a weakness is action-sequences and fast-paced scenes. Whenever they come about, the detail sort of gets lost. For my beta reader, I'd prefer someone familar with the ATLA universe. VMing would be the preferred method of contact.
 
10,174
Posts
17
Years
  • Age 37
  • Seen today
After thinking things over, I'm going to close down this current version of the Beta Thread. We unfortunately have a lack of beta readers, and the demand for beta readers is staggering and can't currently be met. Perhaps in the future things might be different. Until then...
 
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