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I'm happily single

I am...

  • Single

    Votes: 75 74.3%

  • Dating someone

    Votes: 21 20.8%

  • Engaged

    Votes: 4 4.0%

  • Married

    Votes: 1 1.0%
  • Total voters
    101

Kanzler

5,983
Posts
15
Years
Why aren't you open to the possibility that she just simply doesn't respond to things in a sexual manner? You can be aware that you don't respond to things, but it doesn't make it a choice.

Being straight, I don't wake up every day and think about my choice not to have sex with men or whatever. Men, as sexual objects, aren't really a conscious part of my psyche. If I'm pushed to say no, then I'll say no - but I think calling it a choice really misses the idea that it isn't something I think about. We're (KittenKoder and I) describing life as we live it. If pushed to do so, then yes, I suppose I will make a conscious choice every chance I get. But that's not the world as I see it, that would be someone else pushing me to see the world as they see it and interpreting my action as something that makes sense to them. I call something disinterest, you call it ignorance. You say "had I recognized them" but the fact of the matter is I didn't and I guess I still don't. And I think it's important to recognize that, because that is a dimension of sexuality and romance as well.

I think you're imposing the way you view the world on other people's experiences. I don't think KittenKoder's opinion, no, experience is mistaken at all - I find it to be quite genuine. I don't think we should discount somebody else's perspective just because it's different and doesn't fit our way of thinking.
 

Honest

Hi!
11,676
Posts
15
Years
Jesus, talk about walls of text.

For whomever asked for help getting to go on a date with a guy, flirting might be awkward, but you won't get anywhere without being clos(er) and social. D:
 

pixelrynn

SHSL Writer
15
Posts
10
Years
I'm single and I probably will be forever. I mean, I have crushes on people but they never like me back...
It seems I'm destined to be alone, but I don't lament it. I think I function better by myself.
 
Dakotah

Dakotah

900
Posts
13
Years
  • Age 51
  • Seen Jul 22, 2016
BlahISuck said:
Why aren't you open to the possibility that she just simply doesn't respond to things in a sexual manner? You can be aware that you don't respond to things, but it doesn't make it a choice.
Click to expand...

Being aware of your feelings and making a choice to do something, or not do something, are two different things. Of course she doesn't respond to things in a sexual manner. She's asexual. I get that. I know that. My only point is that it is still a choice on her part not to take a particular action.

You and I probably approach the concept of choice in a different way. For me inaction and action are the same where choice is concerned. That's just been my experience.
 

KittenKoder

I Am No One Else
311
Posts
10
Years
Jay_37040 said:
KittenKoder, you seem to be under the mistaken impression that not engaging in sexual activity due to your sexual orientation is not a choice, but that's not exactly true, is it? We all make conscious decisions on our actions, what we choose to do or choose not to do. You are making a choice by not engaging in any sexual act, whether you see that or not. So yes, you do abstain from sex because you don't have sex, which is the very definition of abstinence that I quoted. That definition doesn't have anything to do with feelings, only actions.

I am a gay man. that means by nature I am sexually attracted to, and have sex with, other males. But my sexual orientation does not govern the choices that I make. I can, if I so choose, have sex with a woman. I just have no desire to. A point of fact, I have in the past been intimate with a woman, even though I had no attraction for her or derived any pleasure from her. I made a choice during a time in my life that I rejected the fact that I was gay. Attraction had nothing to do with my choice. My sexual orientation had nothing to do with my choice. It was a choice that I made that I take responsibility for.

I feel, based on the conversations I've had with other asexuals, that I should point out that some asexuals do in fact have sex. They felt no attraction for their partner, nor derived any pleasure from the act, but they do it anyway for various personal reasons. Some just to try it out; some because they are pressured by family to continue the family line; and others... well... because they're paid to do it.

I'm glad that you're happy in your life, but please do the common courtesy of refraining from speaking for others. Your experiences, your thoughts and your feelings are yours alone. They are unique and cannot be applied to anyone else. Not even other asexuals.



Sadly, I fear that you may garner little understanding because you yourself, self-admittedly, are incapable of forming those types of bonds. You can study the mechanics of it all you want, but it won't lead to understanding. True understanding cannot be gained unless it is personally experienced.
Click to expand...

To offer a synapse of what you are saying here: You know nothing of genetics.

Asexual is not an orientation, first of all, and what an organism is attracted to is not a conscious choice at all, we have understood what drives this for a very long time. Someone who chooses to avoid sex is not asexual, it's that simple. Someone who chooses to be attracted to something they are not attracted to is lying to themselves as well, it's that simple. Your genetics govern a lot about what you are, the only thing your genetics do not govern is who you are.
 
gimmepie

gimmepie

25,503
Posts
11
Years
@Kitten

what he is saying is that you are still physically capable of the act, you just have no reason or motivation for doing so. There is nothing actually preventing you from doing so other than your own lack of interest.

It has nothing to do with orientation or genetics or anything. He is just simply saying that you don't engage in the act willingly, because you have no desire to, but that you still have the ability to do so.
 

KittenKoder

I Am No One Else
311
Posts
10
Years
Jay_37040 said:
Being aware of your feelings and making a choice to do something, or not do something, are two different things. Of course she doesn't respond to things in a sexual manner. She's asexual. I get that. I know that. My only point is that it is still a choice on her part not to take a particular action.

You and I probably approach the concept of choice in a different way. For me inaction and action are the same where choice is concerned. That's just been my experience.
Click to expand...

You are simply unable to accept the reality of the situation at this point. The irony being that you also demonstrated hypocrisy by telling one person not to dictate what another should be like then doing just that as well. Not all organisms have a sex drive, the vast majority of organisms in the world don't have a sex drive or sexual orientation, actually. Of course, the vast majority of organisms in the world do not have a gender system based on a dichotomy.

From a psychological stand point you are attempting to enforce stereotypical ideas onto other people, and thus remove the differences about them as a method of reconciling your own unique differences to avoid coming to terms with stereotypes other people have placed on you. It's not uncommon for people to do that, but it is less common today than it has ever been, because we are advancing as a species to avoid utilizing stereotypes as a means of judgment.

gimmepie said:
@Kitten

what he is saying is that you are still physically capable of the act, you just have no reason or motivation for doing so. There is nothing actually preventing you from doing so other than your own lack of interest.

It has nothing to do with orientation or genetics or anything. He is just simply saying that you don't engage in the act willingly, because you have no desire to, but that you still have the ability to do so.
Click to expand...

That sort of contradicts the notions involved. For there to be a choice there would have to be a drive one way or the other, the lack of a drive entirely means there is no conscious choice involved. It's not a "lack of interest," it's an absence of drive, a complete and total lack of any sexual desires, attractions, drives, or pleasures, none. Do you have a desire to jump off a cliff? If not, then how can it be a conscious choice not to jump off a cliff? A choice must have an opposition to it, if there is no opposition to the action, then it is not a choice.
 
Last edited:
gimmepie

gimmepie

25,503
Posts
11
Years
@Kitten - Drive and the ability to chose something are unrelated. I could easily walk of a cliff right now. There is nothing stopping me. I just don't want to, so I am using that as the basis of my choice. The situation with you is the same.

Either way, I'd rather just discuss this via VM or PM since I think this is probably getting too heated for a general conversation. Feel free to do either of those things :)
 
Dakotah

Dakotah

900
Posts
13
Years
  • Age 51
  • Seen Jul 22, 2016
KittenKoder said:
To offer a synapse of what you are saying here: You know nothing of genetics.

Asexual is not an orientation, first of all, and what an organism is attracted to is not a conscious choice at all, we have understood what drives this for a very long time. Someone who chooses to avoid sex is not asexual, it's that simple. Someone who chooses to be attracted to something they are not attracted to is lying to themselves as well, it's that simple. Your genetics govern a lot about what you are, the only thing your genetics do not govern is who you are.
Click to expand...

You know, I have been fighting for the rights of the LGBT community for a very long time now. And one of the things I've had to fight against is the mistaken believe that who we are attracted to is a choice. It's not. What is a choice, however, is whether or not we act on that attraction... or lack of attraction. And I am happy to say that Asexuality is just one aspect of this diverse group of people that I've worked with, so I do know a bit of what I speak.

Asexuality can be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, depending on how you look at it. Obviously you choose to look at it as and absence of sexual orientation. And that is fine. Unfortunately science is less clear on this. Some researchers who study asexuality assert that asexuality is a sexual orientation, while other researchers disagree. Until we get a definitive answer, I think we should always defer to the person in question, because only they know best how they feel.

But being asexual does not preclude the possibility of having sex. As I stated before many who are asexual have, and do have, sex, for many different personal reasons. Such as a desire to please romantic partners or a desire to have children, among the other reason that I stated earlier. Ultimately it is your choice whether to have sex or not, in spite of or because of your asexuality. And I think what ever is best for you, whatever makes you the most happy, the most content, is all I or anyone else could wish for.
 

KittenKoder

I Am No One Else
311
Posts
10
Years
Jay_37040 said:
You know, I have been fighting for the rights of the LGBT community for a very long time now. And one of the things I've had to fight against is the mistaken believe that who we are attracted to is a choice. It's not. What is a choice, however, is whether or not we act on that attraction... or lack of attraction. And I am happy to say that Asexuality is just one aspect of this diverse group of people that I've worked with, so I do know a bit of what I speak.

Asexuality can be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, depending on how you look at it. Obviously you choose to look at it as and absence of sexual orientation. And that is fine. Unfortunately science is less clear on this. Some researchers who study asexuality assert that asexuality is a sexual orientation, while other researchers disagree. Until we get a definitive answer, I think we should always defer to the person in question, because only they know best how they feel.

But being asexual does not preclude the possibility of having sex. As I stated before many who are asexual have, and do have, sex, for many different personal reasons. Such as a desire to please romantic partners or a desire to have children, among the other reason that I stated earlier. Ultimately it is your choice whether to have sex or not, in spite of or because of your asexuality. And I think what ever is best for you, whatever makes you the most happy, the most content, is all I or anyone else could wish for.
Click to expand...

Does a leaf choose to follow the path when blown by the wind?
 

Sirfetch’d

Guest
0
Posts
Guys I like how you guys are having a good discussion, but lets keep it on the topic. If you guys want to discuss sexuality please use the thread intended for that located here.
 
xVaporeon

xVaporeon

used bubblebeam!
222
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 26
  • UK
  • Seen Dec 25, 2022
Single. Whenever I get close to a boy and really have something with them, they mess me around/choose another girl.
I'm leaving school and heading off to college and stuff soon, though. Meeting different people will be amazing!
Although, I have to say that I don't really feel that I NEED to be in a relationship right now. Wanna focus on my studies and do well in school.
 
Kevin

Kevin

kevin del rey
2,686
Posts
13
Years
Single as of right now. Last relationship was almost about a year ago... I've had two past girlfriends I'd call "legitimate" but even then they were never lasting.
 

Razgriz

Acetaminophen
231
Posts
15
Years
I'm pretty happy the way I am. Single. Why? probably because I'm not used to being with someone and I'm glad I can do everything without putting up with anyone. Not that I'm selfish, but everyday I see more and more how you have to take care of yourself.
 
Hannah

Hannah

beep bop boop
1,150
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 23
  • Seen Nov 16, 2021
I'm in a relationship with Justin Bieber and we're engaged so we're going to get married pretty soon and we're going to have lots and lots of people at our wedding so of course the entire PokeCommunity can join us because there's going to be an all-you-can-eat buffet and everything's for free because Justin Bieber is my fiance and yes I'm obviously kidding.

I'm twelve so I am single but definitely not ready to mingle haha. People always tell me that with this eighteen-year-old mind I have, I'd fall in love sooner than most of the kids at my age, but I don't think so. I have crushes, like any typical tween, but that's not really enough to make me want to be in a relationship.

If it's with Justin, though, count me in!
 

Zebeedoo

Always remember to smile. ~
989
Posts
15
Years
Single, and I will be for a long time because I've lost all faith and hope in men. I'm happier single anyway as my family have noticed, so I've decided to just wait for the right person now to approach me. (:
 
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