Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
5,795 posts
13.6 Years
The bar scene was cute, particuarly when Dolly was telling the bartender how to wipe the glasses correctly.

Hm, I'm mixed over the Vragon being a possible recarination. For that trope you can easily abuse it by having everyone and everything have their attention towards Vragon and without any consequences. You're already having several Pokemon doing just that. There's also whether he's the only recarinated dragon so far and there will be more. I'll hold my judgement for now though and see where you go with this.

Looks like everyone is going to Frantal Town, I'm assuming there will be several stuff going on there. As for the last scene, heh over the rhyming notes there. Getting Vragon I expected, eliminate Seliph less so but I get why with him researching and all.

Concerning grammar and such, there are still the same dialogue punctuation and passive voice mistakes I've mentioned a few times and you're probably tired of me saying that haha.

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]