Thread: [Pokémon] Covers
View Single Post
  #4   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
Old February 12th, 2019 (6:45 PM).
Bay's Avatar
Bay Bay is offline
Darkinium Z
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Gender: Female
Nature: Sassy
Posts: 5,519
Hm so we have a Lucario with amnesia, huh? Even though the amensia trope has been done lots of times, I'm still interested where you'll take this. I'm still trying to get a feel of Joshua's character (he seems pretty blunt so far) while Wade has much more energy than him. Their interactions could still be fun, though.

I'm not sure what to feel about Pokemon in cities not from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. Guess I'm so used to human trainer in Jublife and Sunyshore that having those cities populated with Pokemon threw me off a bit. Also, I feel Jublife and Sunyshore would take quite a while by bus? Not sure how long that took.

Want to quickly point out a common grammar mistake I noticed.

Quote:
"Yeah, thanks... Who are you again?" He murmured, taking a small bite. It wasn't his taste, but it had to do. He wondered; what was his taste anyway? He shrugged it off, not noticing the Buizel still smiling as he checked his medical folder.

"Ah right, amnesia." The Buizel murmured, now setting the folder down and straightened himself as if to cue an act. "I," He started, "Am Wade Gilmore. Your chummiest pal, bestest friend, and occasional wingman if you catch my drift." he winked, tipping an imaginary hat as if to bow grandly to the Lucario.
When you have a dialogue tag (he said, she told, he murmured, etc) after someone speaks, the pronouns don't get capitalized. So for first bolded point would be: "Yeah, thanks... Who are you again?" he murmured, etc.

Second bold part is trickier. If you have a dialogue tag after someone speaks, comma replaces dialogue. So it would go like this instead: "Ah right, amnesia." The Buizel murmured, now setting the folder down and straightened himself as if to cue an act.

Quote:
“Sunyshore, dumbo! It’s the last stop.” The Buizel grinned, seeming to have a bounce in his step once he finally got out of the bus. “Maaan, I’m starving!” He groaned, scanning the area for a possible restaurant or a ramen chain. “Come on, hurry up!”
Bringing this quote up since this is the right away to have dialogue with a period. Here you have Wade grin and groan, which are not dialogue tags and instead expressions. If you have like, "Wade said, grinning" then you would replace period with a comma.

Woops, went a bit long with that explanation there lol. Hopefully this makes sense, and if not you can probably google on how to write dialogue punctuation and such.

Off to an interesting start so far. Looking forward to more!
__________________

"Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
Foul Play [Chapter Seven up!]
Reply With Quote