gimmepie

Age 24
Male
Australia
Seen 1 Hour Ago
Posted 2 Hours Ago
20,342 posts
7.5 Years
So, I really enjoyed this.

At first, I got the impression that you were going for magic vs science but it later became apparent that what you were writing about was worldview. Trent isn't a stand in for science and rationalism, his character proves that, he's a stand in for stubbornness and self-righteousness and an unwillingness to adapt or accept others. I think in that sense, you did an excellent job in how he was written. Rather than the logical and reasonable scientist, he came off more like a militant atheist determined his view is the correct one even though he has little to suggest that is the case. The message here seems to be that the world isn't so black and white but rather that much is open to individual interpretation.

I also think you gave a masterful display of the subtle hook. So soon into the story we're wondering what Pokemon-human relations are like and where they stand with each other and want to know more, and then you hit us with the clincher by introducing the "bird" plot and making us want to know what the deal is with that and how it might show us the former.

I enjoyed the subtleties of the worldbuilding also. You did little to reference the world itself, but it was easy to glean a lot of it and its relationship to the canon from the small amounts of exposition you gave us, coupled with Trent and the Ho-oh's interactions.

Where the story was weaker was that you never seemed sure how you wanted to portray the Ho-oh. You dipped your toes into a few different options but never seemed to want to dive it and commit to his character the same way you did to Trent and it was a bit jarring for an otherwise very well constructed story. An extension of this was, of course, that Ho-oh spoke in a very similar manner to Trent which clouded the sense of superiority or mysticism I felt we were meant to get at times.

Other than the Ho-oh issue though, I thoroughly enjoyed his. It was a great read.