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dedicated to pikawolf... everyone rate!

darkblastoise89

mech lover
420
Posts
19
Years
kelsey,
if i let you tell it,
then i'm perfect,
but i know otherwise.
the only thingz i've ever known
are corruption and lies.
when i first met you,
i still didn't realize,
but the way you got me open
has me soaring to the sky.

in truth,
i adore you,
i could never ignore you
my love is only for you,
i'd take a bullet just to show you.
when you cry i'll console you, and
when you're sad i'll hold you
and even if you turned on me,
i could never scold you...​

honestly it's more of a rap but the message is still the same.
 

Finglonger

Leper messiah
329
Posts
19
Years
aww thats sweet = ). I could tell this was from the heart(yeah i know its a cliche lol) but yeah, a beautiful piece in its own respect.

The only thing that disrupted me was that more than half the lines in the second stanza ended with "you" and it seemed kind of awkward. = )
 

Finglonger

Leper messiah
329
Posts
19
Years
darkblastoise89 said:
yah thanx fl, well you know rap has a lot of repitition of at least one word. thanks all the same.
Click to expand...

oh lol I didn't see the part about it being a rap. 0_0 yeah I'm the wrong guy to ask about how rap works....
 

Vkazuic

#595
303
Posts
19
Years
  • Seen Oct 21, 2010
I said I'd rate you're poem and here it is!!! That's really sweet, I reckon Pikawolf loves it!!! 10/10
 

Pikawolf

221
Posts
19
Years
  • Seen Apr 13, 2007
Matty!!!!!!! That is soooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! *blushes* I am so honored that you dedicated your poem to me. ^_^ Yeah, the first time I read it, I thought it was more of a rap than a poem-poem. ^_~ I likez it lots! 10/10

~Kelsey *huggles*
 

darkblastoise89

mech lover
420
Posts
19
Years
lol i don't cry. if i do it's out of anger ot hatred, but i've alwayz said to myself that i am weak if i cry so i supress it. i must be strong for my friends!
 

Finglonger

Leper messiah
329
Posts
19
Years
I get teary eyed when I read something beautiful or sad. I got emotional when I read night and at the end of "of mice and men" lol.
 
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