Casual Billy

Wargreymon: Miracle Mega

Seen May 12th, 2006
Posted December 29th, 2005
217 posts
15.4 Years
Cool fic. You didn't go for the traditional scare-your-pants-off approach to halloween fic writing, and that made this a unique read. I like how in the beginning you had Sarah (whom I was sure was going to be the victim of some heinous crime or deed) hearing faint voices, which turned out to be kinda innocent.

Then you switched to Mew's perspective. Great job with describing the "clefable-girl" and all of the scenery throughout the fic. I got some creepy images in my head of a humanoid clefable with bright blue eyes standing in the dark on my porch. I could tell that it was mew as soon as you said that it was floating forward, so you've handled masterfully the description.

Um, interesting question you've got in there, too. Mew is ancient, but i guess that doesn't mean she can't enjoy the significance of the simple things. *hopes that's what you were kinda getting at* Question: Did you go trick-or-treating?

EDIT: I almost forgot

Starting slightly, unsure that that there had been anything after all,
There’s an extra “that” and “after all” doesn’t seem the appropriate phrase. “At all” seems like it’d work better because “after all” makes it sound too much like the issue’s already resolved, kinda. Maybe?

But then it came again, a young, distant voice,
Okay, you know how much I suck at commas and stuff, but shouldn’t there be a semi-colon after “again”?

You said “going to this much trouble”. Isn’t it “going through this much trouble”?
convo snip-it of the moment:

billy5772: not worth responding to
anonymous: You responded though.
anonymous: Thumbs up for flawless logic.
billy5772: so. i can do things not worth doing, can't I?
billy5772: case in point: i talk to you all the time
(billy5772 is an alternate screen name of mine)