It's "I Come Anon"

Age 28
Northern Virginia
Seen February 2nd, 2021
Posted May 26th, 2018
1,184 posts
13.4 Years
This is an interesting and well-written piece, but I find myself frustrated with it. b&b mentioned a slow pace, but I would say that the pace is actually fine--the issue is rather that the story doesn't have a destination, at least not as I read it. The overall structure of a short scene in the present interspersed with short segments about the past is a good one for the prompt, but I don't think it works as well when nothing really changes between the start of the story and the end of it. We're introduced to a lot of details and concepts, but in an entirely additive way where we expect stories to take established details and move them in different directions. When I reached the end, it felt more like I'd read the introduction to a story; like I'd just gotten caught up on what I need to understand for the story proper. Hope that makes sense, and maybe I'm just missing something.

That said, the details are all really good stuff. I'm especially intrigued by the dynamic you've set up between this legendary trio and the human populace; one where their closeness has varied wildly across centuries at the whims of the legendaries. I'd love to read more about how people react to their new reign after such a long absence. And like other readers I loved how Virizion wanted to taste the train. Your prose is solid, and you used it to paint a clear picture of the setting and Virizion's character.

I notice in your signature that you have this story under "The Suocéverse," so I assume this all takes place in the larger world you've laid out in your thread in the Writer's Lounge. So take pride in this: you have succeeded in making me want to read your world-building thread and associated fics.

tl;dr: You've done good work here, but to me it doesn't stand on its own as a story as well as it could. It has hooked my interest for your fanon though, which speaks well for your ideas and prose.
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