Venia Silente

Inspectious. Good for napping.

on the second floor's nest
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
1,030 posts
12.7 Years
Since I am finally able to do it in peace (aaaaargh keyboard), am now responding to the latest reviews.

First, sorry for getting ahead of you if it was any bother Bay, it's just standard procedure for me for contests, to reply to judges' commentary as well as thread commentary once it's available. ;-)

I can see where you're getting at geting the thoughts from both characters, but I think you might still be able to do fine with just Virizion's thoughts. Looking forward to seeing the changes when you get the chance.
Yeah, it will be interesting to reformulate this to be solely from Virizion's perspective, as well as cover a slightly longer time frame. While not right now, I'll add it to my schedule plans, though it'll be most likely that PC will be hearing more of these deers sooner from some other of my stories than from the rewrite of this one.

I just want to point out nothing wrong with research, haha.
...Until you get lost into it, ha ha :p

But note taken!

The overall structure of a short scene in the present interspersed with short segments about the past is a good one for the prompt, but I don't think it works as well when nothing really changes between the start of the story and the end of it. We're introduced to a lot of details and concepts, but in an entirely additive way where we expect stories to take established details and move them in different directions. When I reached the end, it felt more like I'd read the introduction to a story; like I'd just gotten caught up on what I need to understand for the story proper. Hope that makes sense, and maybe I'm just missing something.
That makes a lot of sense to me. Deadlines for contests usually mean for me that I don't get to portray the scope of things as broadly as I'd have wanted to. Here, the cut was mostly in the end. The ideal scenario, I think, would have been the final musings with the "as things were" be part of the meeting between the trio proper and the woman Champion, - since she's already old, I could have been able to reflect more of the effect of the prompt on the character of Virizion as he observes her, both the old, real, and the young, idealized version of her, and realizes what things have changed and how.

At least, that's where I'd intend to take a rewrite. It also gives me the chance to present a food offering to Terrakion and examine his reaction.

I'm especially intrigued by the dynamic you've set up between this legendary trio and the human populace; one where their closeness has varied wildly across centuries at the whims of the legendaries. I'd love to read more about how people react to their new reign after such a long absence.
Don't worry you'll get to. I already have a beta reader, for example, who is more aware of the concepts behind and after this story, and he really wants to have some strong words with Virizion it seems :p

Am glad to hear that you found my prose more solid, as it had been giving me issues before. A proper check later will tell me how should I make to keep that a good going.

As for what you say, yes, this story (and everything Pokémon for me ATM) flies under the Suocéverse banner, and though I've taken care to not make my contest entries too dependent on it or on each other, there are some slips here and there not helped in this particular case by the obvious abrupt cut at the end. So that will be something to work on.

As an off-note, further reading into psychology denotes the feeling of "home has changed", described above in another of my reviews, as a form of "Solastalgia", the melancholy brought by exterior changes to one's home environment, such as urban development and climate change. Hey! The more you know! :-p
Venia Silente - Consulting WorldbuilderSocial·🐘ⓜ · · Direct·
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