Relationships at an Early Age?

zephyr6257 · Aug 23, 2012

I don't know. Maybe it's because of how I was raised, or just my general way of thinking.

I find boyfriend/girlfriend relationships at early ages (when i mean early, I still mean teen years) weird.

It's not that I'm an immature person who finds kissing gross. Of course not. In fact, I like reading romantic novels and listening to cheezy music every so-and-so.

But in reality, having a relationship at an early age for me seems to be a waste of time.

First, because legally, you can't get married till you're 18 (or whenever depending on what country you live in.) So unless you have the endurance of a Golem, you need to wait till you're of marriable age (lol i don't know if that's grammatically correct) and that's a heck of a long time. I morally don't like live-in partners, for several reasons, so I don't count that.

But if you aren't serious about staying together with your partner, e.g. actually planning to break up with him/her in a few months, then what's the point of devoting your time and energy for him/her?

Second, having a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of narrows your list of friends. Especially if you have a controlling girlfriend/boyfriend who strictly monitors your time with your other friends. Wouldn't it be cooler if you had like, a lot of friends which are of the opposite sex, so that once you're old and mature and is looking for a soulmate, it's easier to pick? That would save a lot of couples from divorce, because you aren't forced to only spend time with your girlfriend, which you shuffle between chores and schoolwork.

Third, they sort of limit what you're able to do. I have a friend who's girlfriend doesn't let him watch movies without her. Stupid right? So when the dark knight came out, he had to wait for 4-5 weeks later before he could watch the movie with his girlfriend. Psh. Seriously?

Now imagine all the other stuff you could do if you didn't waste time on relationships? Subtract all those moments where you have to text him/her, go on dates with him/her, buy gifts for him/her, etc. You wouldn't be cramped up with your studying, or more importantly, eating cookies! 8D Loljk. But seriously, that's a lot of extra time in your hands. And a lot of less stress.

So what do you think? Are relationships at an early age feasible, convenient, and okay, or not? And also, if you currently have a relationship with someone, was it because you wanted to fit with the norm, or was it because you really loved that person? Discuss. :)

pleb · Aug 23, 2012

This kind of stuff always happened in the secondary school I used to go to.

Esper · Aug 23, 2012

Relationships don't necessarily have to end in marriage. Neither do they necessarily restrict your friendships or activities. Some might, but that's no reason to assume that all or even most of them do.

✔ · Aug 24, 2012

zephyr6257 said:
First, because legally, you can't get married till you're 18 (or whenever depending on what country you live in.) So unless you have the endurance of a Golem, you need to wait till you're of marriable age (lol i don't know if that's grammatically correct) and that's a heck of a long time. I morally don't like live-in partners, for several reasons, so I don't count that.

But if you aren't serious about staying together with your partner, e.g. actually planning to break up with him/her in a few months, then what's the point of devoting your time and energy for him/her?

You don't plan to break up with your partner, yet you shouldn't exactly be planning on marriage (from the beginning of a relationship) either, especially at a young age. But I believe that being in relationships early does prepare you for what it's going to be like when you actually settle down. By the time you are married, or at least in a serious relationship and thinking about marriage, you should know what comes with it, what you have to change, sacrifice, etc.

zephyr6257 said:
Second, having a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of narrows your list of friends. Especially if you have a controlling girlfriend/boyfriend who strictly monitors your time with your other friends. Wouldn't it be cooler if you had like, a lot of friends which are of the opposite sex, so that once you're old and mature and is looking for a soulmate, it's easier to pick? That would save a lot of couples from divorce, because you aren't forced to only spend time with your girlfriend, which you shuffle between chores and schoolwork.

This isn't always the case. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend could potentially introduce you to more people, mainly their friends (albeit awkward with the Bro Code and exes and stuff). Hopefully though they'll want to meet your friends, and you theirs, and the problem of being controlling won't exist if you both understand that friends are still important. If you come across someone who doesn't let you spend time with friends, they're probably not good for you. And just because you have a lot of friends, doesn't mean you're necessarily inclined to fall romantically for them once you're at a suitable age. Similarly, I shouldn't think having less friends would ultimately harm your chances at finding a serious relationship.

zephyr6257 said:
Third, they sort of limit what you're able to do. I have a friend who's girlfriend doesn't let him watch movies without her. Stupid right? So when the dark knight came out, he had to wait for 4-5 weeks later before he could watch the movie with his girlfriend. Psh. Seriously?

Again, not always the case. And if anything, you either assert to your gf/bf that such an event is important to you (i.e., you want to see Batman on the first day), or you learn patience, which is not so bad.

zephyr6257 said:
Now imagine all the other stuff you could do if you didn't waste time on relationships? Subtract all those moments where you have to text him/her, go on dates with him/her, buy gifts for him/her, etc. You wouldn't be cramped up with your studying, or more importantly, eating cookies! 8D Loljk. But seriously, that's a lot of extra time in your hands. And a lot of less stress.

This part will be the most subjective, seeing as I haven't been in a relationship. But first, being in a relationship should't consume your entire life. The prime dating age range is one where people are busy finding jobs, still going through school, etc. People still manage to find time to do the things they want/need to do, and if not, they learn to prioritize, which is a much needed skill. But being single, I have had that extra time. I would much rather spend it being with someone, going on dates etc. It's not that you spend every moment with them, but being "occupied" with a relationship would make the days go by faster. I would think it's more productive (in a sense) than being indoors on my computer for hours at a time.

If I sound aggressive I apologize. I love to convey my thoughts on discussions such as this. But I do not think there is anything wrong with early relationships. Not even touching on the sexual aspects (which would probably hurt my case), I think the experience is something people should have entering that phase in their life where they are looking to settle down and get married. I don't feel it detracts from the lives they're already leading, and in the cases where it does, they should make the decision to adapt, or break it off.

zephyr6257 · Aug 24, 2012

Thanks guys for your opinions. You gave me an an interesting perspective, which I layered over my own beliefs. :)

Baloth · Aug 27, 2012

I think people can date whenever they like (as long as it's LEGAL o_o), as long as they have been sufficiently educated and are mature enough to deal with all of the aspects of a relationship. Most people who are dating, shouldn't be, really. Too much immaturity, not enough understanding of what it takes to maintain a relationship or what is appropriate...

Star-Lord · Aug 27, 2012

I think that people who say you shouldn't date until you're 16-17 or older are severely out of touch with how teenagers act. I mean, I honestly couldn't see myself do it but that doesn't mean that other people shouldn't have the opportunity to, nor should people dictate or say how they should act. I think that dating when you're so young is just a part of growing up for some people. It's a way to enter the world of relationships and for you to understand how they work and what you expect to come out of one. It's just a bit of preparation for when you're older and finally do find a committed relationship.

You learn more about yourself, you learn more about how to treat other people. I don't really see the problem with it if kids want to start dating so young. As long as it's a) legal , b) consensual and c) safe.

Novykh · Aug 28, 2012

I think that dating at a young age is nothing more than asking for trouble for yourself. The reason being not that it is a waste of time or a distraction so much but rather for the fact that you are still maturing. The person that you are then is going to be far different from the person you are when you graduate high school, and then college, or land a career or even a menial job.... At such a young age you have no idea what you are truly looking for in life. It's something that you never want to admit at that age, but something that as you mature shows itself to be invariably true. While you can share your lives together at this moment you have yet to realize that in most cases you are going to wind up in different places in your life, head in different directions. And at that age especially you aren't in control of your future as much and are subject to your parents whims and desires. So if they began to operate in a manner inconsistent with your dating, then it is again only going to lead more strife.

At these ages you barely know anything about yourself, much less your "other half." You think you know, as we all do, but the harsh reality of it is that you don't. When you live your life, experience the world, that is when you find out what you want; you realize exactly who it is as you accomplish and fail at things in life. This is pivotal to dating, as it will determine not only who you would be compatible with but how you would eventually support your possible family to come(even if it is just a family of two!). These are things that you are never going to understand when you are young. People tend to jump the gun on their feelings all the time, adults are guilty of this just as much as children are. However when they believe they've found "love" on the sole basis that they've finally found someone that they could "date" when in reality the know little of them. They might know lots of factual things such as their birthday, parents etc. but they don't know their quirks. They don't understand how their brain works. What makes them sad and angry, nor do they understand how to make up for such things. This is mostly due to the fact that they don't understand themselves and don't really have an idea of what it is they truly want. While the time is different for all of us, you need to be in a mentally mature and stable state to date people; you need to actually be working towards your life and realize that a relationship is only one aspect to your life. The novices in the world of dating often give themselves up in their entirety for their significant other, and when the weak bonds crumble, so too does everything that they are as they depended on this other person to support their heart's wants for as long as THEY desired.

In the long run, people can do whatever they please in the legal boundaries. But if you are truly concerned with your happiness then you are going to want to wait until you are in a state of positive assurance to your life before you commit to anything that hits so close to home.

zephyr6257 · Aug 28, 2012

Novykh said:
I think that dating at a young age is nothing more than asking for trouble for yourself. The reason being not that it is a waste of time or a distraction so much but rather for the fact that you are still maturing. The person that you are then is going to be far different from the person you are when you graduate high school, and then college, or land a career or even a menial job.... At such a young age you have no idea what you are truly looking for in life. It's something that you never want to admit at that age, but something that as you mature shows itself to be invariably true. While you can share your lives together at this moment you have yet to realize that in most cases you are going to wind up in different places in your life, head in different directions. And at that age especially you aren't in control of your future as much and are subject to your parents whims and desires. So if they began to operate in a manner inconsistent with your dating, then it is again only going to lead more strife.

At these ages you barely know anything about yourself, much less your "other half." You think you know, as we all do, but the harsh reality of it is that you don't. When you live your life, experience the world, that is when you find out what you want; you realize exactly who it is as you accomplish and fail at things in life. This is pivotal to dating, as it will determine not only who you would be compatible with but how you would eventually support your possible family to come(even if it is just a family of two!). These are things that you are never going to understand when you are young. People tend to jump the gun on their feelings all the time, adults are guilty of this just as much as children are. However when they believe they've found "love" on the sole basis that they've finally found someone that they could "date" when in reality the know little of them. They might know lots of factual things such as their birthday, parents etc. but they don't know their quirks. They don't understand how their brain works. What makes them sad and angry, nor do they understand how to make up for such things. This is mostly due to the fact that they don't understand themselves and don't really have an idea of what it is they truly want. While the time is different for all of us, you need to be in a mentally mature and stable state to date people; you need to actually be working towards your life and realize that a relationship is only one aspect to your life. The novices in the world of dating often give themselves up in their entirety for their significant other, and when the weak bonds crumble, so too does everything that they are as they depended on this other person to support their heart's wants for as long as THEY desired.

In the long run, people can do whatever they please in the legal boundaries. But if you are truly concerned with your happiness then you are going to want to wait until you are in a state of positive assurance to your life before you commit to anything that hits so close to home.

I think this is what my subconscious was looking for when I originally posted this thread.... :3 I like your point.

Charicific · Aug 28, 2012

Wow...finally, someone who thinks like me around here O_o
I am one of those people who finds relationships at an early age unnecessary too. It's really a waste of time. I don't know it's just...plain hypocritical if you allow me to say that :( sorry, don't mean to offend people who do it right. But I am generally speaking of those people who date and dump so casually. They treat relationships as game of lust, and when you're done with your partner...just dump.
This is basically applicable to teens. For youth and adults, I wouldn't be worried if they date as it's usually serious.
But you shouldn't really let teens get the hang of something so serious as relationships, especially as it will involve their uncontrollable lust. And I wouldn't be shocked if this immature lust would drive them to do illegal stuff or even be under emotional sickness and stress.

I personally don't date, don't think of dating, and don't even want to date in my life. I'm quite happy about it...at least, I don't need to worry about relationship stressed situations at a young age.

Z_Z · Aug 28, 2012

Not-that-serious teen romances and failed relationships are good too. Practical lessons you learn about how you want to be treated and how you should treat others will build your emotional intelligence so you are better prepared to deal with the pressures of more serious relationships in the future. Believing you can get it right on your first go is a huge expectation that most will be unable to fulfill.

✔ · Aug 28, 2012

Novykh said:
I think that dating at a young age is nothing more than asking for trouble for yourself. The reason being not that it is a waste of time or a distraction so much but rather for the fact that you are still maturing. The person that you are then is going to be far different from the person you are when you graduate high school, and then college, or land a career or even a menial job.... At such a young age you have no idea what you are truly looking for in life.

You ultimately shouldn't know. And relationships along the way will shape you, and turn you into the person you'll end up being for someone. New experiences are what allow you discover what you really love in life, whether it pertains to relationships, careers etc. You're not looking to get married at 14, but being in a relationship can help you learn something about yourself and others.

Novykh said:
When you live your life, experience the world, that is when you find out what you want; you realize exactly who it is as you accomplish and fail at things in life. This is pivotal to dating, as it will determine not only who you would be compatible with but how you would eventually support your possible family to come(even if it is just a family of two!).

And this kind of contradicts your point, to some degree. As a corollary to what I said above, being in these relationships from a young age does allow you to realize what works, what doesn't, and ultimately what you want in a relationship. So when it comes time that you feel you're ready to settle down, dating is not new territory, you already have an idea of the kind of relationship you want to have.

Novykh said:
While the time is different for all of us, you need to be in a mentally mature and stable state to date people; you need to actually be working towards your life and realize that a relationship is only one aspect to your life.

The bold is true, thus you cannot define a certain age to start dating, or when people are mentally mature. Yet I feel you're always working towards your life. It all goes back to experiencing new things, and these experiences having an effect on the rest of your life.

After reading this post again, I thought I had made better points, but whatever.

Oryx · Sep 1, 2012

Dating at a young age means that you learn from a young age how to compromise with a person, how to take someone else's opinion into consideration when you decide what to do/how to do things, how to handle arguments in a way that won't break a relationship. You learn what personal quirks you have in a relationship (if you're jealous, clingy, etc), and see other peoples' reactions to them.

I feel that people that think "young kids should never date" still have some maturing to do of their own, as they're very strongly in the judgmental state of their lives and need to mature to a point where they no longer judge everyone they see based on their own values.

Khawill · Sep 1, 2012

Really, its more of a practice thing. It helps you learn how to talk to people and ask the question (or help you learn how to confront the fear to do so). I'm terrible at it, and I usually have a pretty heavy fear to asking girls out. Also as a teen dating can be pretty fun, especially as a JR/SR

Haddez · Sep 1, 2012

I think relationships are okay as a teen but not until you are around 15, you wouldn't be mature enough until around that age.

Also most people who have relationships as teenagers tend to date people who are in there circle of friends so they sill see everyone like normal.

My cousin first got together with his girlfriend when he they were 13, they are now 17 and still together, so not all relationships end after a few months.

Also they live in different villages so they spend weekends with each other but hang around with their friends during weekdays. They also go out with each others friends on weekends (depending on who's house they are at) so they have gained friends from it.

It depends on how close you are aswellm me and my ex were best friends then we started dating about 3 years ago(while we were 13) we broke up this year but are still good friends.This is because we have the same circle of 30ish friends so we still see each other often.

But each relationship is different so it all depends on the situation.
I may have mentioned only good thing above but for every good story there are 5 bad ones.

Turbo_Dee · Sep 1, 2012

Toujours said:
Dating at a young age means that you learn from a young age how to compromise with a person, how to take someone else's opinion into consideration when you decide what to do/how to do things, how to handle arguments in a way that won't break a relationship. You learn what personal quirks you have in a relationship (if you're jealous, clingy, etc), and see other peoples' reactions to them.

I feel that people that think "young kids should never date" still have some maturing to do of their own, as they're very strongly in the judgmental state of their lives and need to mature to a point where they no longer judge everyone they see based on their own values.

I would say this post is exactly what my feelings are. The important thing to remember is that everyone is different when it comes to these things. I started dating at a young age, and I would say the experience positively effected me. I became more confident, and when you're that close to a person, you actually find out more about yourself as a person and what type of person you're more likely to get along with. However, for some people they really aren't ready and they rush in without thinking of the consequences and suddenly a kid is involved, but they've both split up or the father is taking drugs and whatever else. It can escalate very quickly and these things can be a vicious cycle too.

From a purely personal point of view, I knew I was ready and I don't regret starting relatively early. As long as you're reasonably sensible and you're able to talk openly about your feelings, and your partner is similar then I don't see a problem. I guess viewpoints are influenced by your culture, family surrounding, geographical area, etc which is why we all vary the points that we're ready to date.

Nihilego · Sep 6, 2012

I don't see the issue with starting early. Sort of echoing Toujours' argument, being in a relationship and at least trying to be committed can teach important skills much earlier in life and get those kids ahead, with no harm caused. I don't see the issue with kids "not knowing what they're doing" or being "too young" - if they don't know what they're doing then is it not better to learn from your mistakes earlier rather than later? Because I don't really think that with age you magically develop relationship skills. They definitely improve with age but they need a foundation and I feel that relationships at an early age provide this foundation pretty strongly.

gimmepie · Sep 17, 2012

1. I wouldn't say it's a waste of time. It's practice. You learn more about yourself and about other people. Just like what has been said above.

2. Why does a relationship have to be about marriage? At a young age it's just about being as "close" as you can to a person you feel very attracted to.

3. I agree with your point about planning break ups months in advance. I despise people who treat the emotions of others as secondary to their own.

4. A relationship can only narrow your friends if you allow it too. If your friends can't respect your decision to date someone they are not good friends. Like wise if a partner can't respect who you decide to spend time with they aren't very deserving of your attention.

5. Same sort of thing applies to the supposed limit on your activities. If they won't allow you to do certain things on your own than they aren't your partner in the relationship they're a tyrant.

The truth is though, even further than all of this, age does not determine maturity or even if you're interested in relationships. Those depend on your own development and personality. Some 13-year-olds are about as mature as a toddler others are more mature than the people running our countries.
If I use myself as an example. When I was 13 I was very much interested in relationships, not just date and dump, but long term relationships. I had a friend who wasn't even remotely interested in either. So to some it up when it comes to relationships it should be maturity that is the deciding factor not age.

Controversial? · Sep 18, 2012

I say relationships at an early age are to be treasured, not discouraged.

I mean, I really regret not taking full advantage of when I was younger like that. xD

Hannah · Oct 11, 2012

I'm eleven. I'm in the sixth grade, and I know this stuff.

Some drama queens from the lower classes have boyfriends. And to me, it's gross. I hate public display of affection, honestly, even though sometimes I can be a flirt myself. But I just hate it. I don't know.

Relationships at an Early Age?

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