Confess something!

I found out I wasn't straight because I got a crush on my best friend and still haven't told them.

I feel like I don't really have a place to belong.

L'Belle said:

I feel like I don't really have a place to belong.

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Welcome to the PokeCommunity, little internet home for geeks everywhere.

gimmepie said:

Welcome to the PokeCommunity, little internet home for geeks everywhere.

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Yes, I love this place and all the people <3

I question my life every day. Pretty much accepted that I'm gonna be alone for my entire life now and have days where I just want to cease existing.

I feel extremely lonely and alone or whatever. Whatever happened to having friends?

I want to be in a relationship, but I worry about being hurt constantly.

I question the meaning of life. I mean, what was it like before I was born? Obviously I didn't know I existed because, well, I didn't exist. So what did I see? And even though this goes a bit against my religion, which I don't mean in a sinful way since I truly am a Christian, but did I have a previous life? When I die, do I know it? The concept of life is just so... confusing, to me.

I watched/ watch/read things that are bad i think (if my old self would be here it would be already leaked uu)

I can't write essays. I like them, but I just struggle to get along with the formula.

I almost confessed my feelings to my best friend the other night but because they were in a really bad place mentally I decided against it.

I'm drifting away from myself on most days. From everything. I live an inch from myself, and there are miles between me and everything else. In some respects, I'm totally numb. I've also been on the edge of tears a lot, lately. When I'm not caught up in something, like music or movies or drawing or concentrating, there's an enormous void I'm getting pulled into. Basically, its a black hole. There's nothing in there.

Maybe if life has more happenings, it'll stop. Days will stop merging into each other. But I had a fucking terrifying thought the other night... was I born like this? Did things always feel so surreal? I remember that that 2015 wasn't that cogent. 2016, I was starting to become aware of it. On a car ride, I was trying to hold onto this balloon that I call reality. I didn't, but there was one moment where I had insight on how life was supposed to feel. It was like falling on hard concrete, instead of hovering a few inches above it in a daze. Which was wonderful. My head wasn't empty. My chest felt good. It only lasted a moment, though. Haven't felt it in a very long time.

And the surreal-ness of life is starting to bug me. I'm aware of it now, like when you realise you're breathing. I feel so self-conscious/out-of-control. God, it's annoying. Especially before I go to sleep. And I don't have compassion for big ideas anymore, if I ever did, which I don't think I did. Like, I'm supposed to care for people on the other side of the world, aren't I? Well I don't! Not unless I see footage of their woes. I don't even really care for this person who's in my family, and they're dying, and I've been mad at them. They had been a jerk. There's no grudge anymore, though. Just numbness and a speck of pity. But their kids... if I was losing my parent, I'd probably go catatonic. Die. Utterly. So I'm going to be choking on my guilt when this person is gone, and I didn't care for them that much when they were alive.

I feel like I could stick a finger in a power socket and nothing would happen, too. I don't wanna die but I'm not quite alive. I just hope I don't do something stupid, like forget how life works and end up losing an arm or whatever. On the bright side I'm tapping into respect, which is a new emotion, pretty much.

To be continued.

Followup to an earlier confession, but I think I may be Agnostic, but haven't really come out to anyone besides a few strangers on Discord and a close friend. I just wish I could talk about it with my parents, but I just don't want it to spill over to my devout Grandma and start some drama.

Wanted to be in a relationship for a while, just a bit unluko

I'm a lifelong fan of the Star Wars franchise, and I kinda liked the prequels.

No, seriously, none of them were as good as the originals, mind you, but I never really saw them as "bad".

Having said that, I also kinda liked Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I'm anxious all the time.
No, seriously. I just...I've never had what most would consider a major trauma in my life, but due to being such a sensitive person I've accumulated a huge amount of small, subjective traumas, and even when I'm not actively thinking about them, I'm trying to fight the memories off. The only time I truly feel relief is when I'm laying in bed falling asleep, because of the sleep-related chemicals released in my brain or something - I literally know when I'm fully awake in the morning, and it's time to get up, because I start feeling uncomfortable. I don't remember how long it's been this way.

I am honestly scared of the future, since I'm pretty sure I'll either die before I'm 30, or my family will just pretend I don't exist. I already disappoint them enough as I am, I can't keep concentration and due to my anxiety, I can't even get a job to help support my family. I know I'm going to be alone all my life, not knowing basic things to live a proper life. I'm too scared to ask for help with anything, as all the times I did I got yelled at. During highschool, I just forced myself to stop crying, as I was judged with whatever I did.

I'm afraid I'm going to just become an addict and hurt someone, even though I've never had drugs before.
I'm dumb, and while I do want to cook for a living, I know I'll never be good enough.

I would like a family when I'm older, but with the way the world is now, I know it will be impossible to be happy. :'D


Sorry, pretty depressing.

EmTheGhost said:

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Have you spoken to a psychologist? It sounds like you have a generalised anxiety disorder.

Decibel575 said:

I'm dumb, and while I do want to cook for a living, I know I'll never be good enough.

I would like a family when I'm older, but with the way the world is now, I know it will be impossible to be happy. :'D

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You put too much stock in a future you can't predict. If you want to cook for a living, go to TAFE and get your cert and then start applying for jobs. If you can't find any where you are then moving is even an option. Focus on that and you'll find your way into other stuff. Hell, if you really want a family there's always adoption too.

gimmepie said:

Have you spoken to a psychologist? It sounds like you have a generalised anxiety disorder.

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Yeah - I regularly see a therapist. It's obviously not having the effect I wanted, but I'm still working on it. Thank you for your concern. <3

gimmepie said:

You put too much stock in a future you can't predict. If you want to cook for a living, go to TAFE and get your cert and then start applying for jobs. If you can't find any where you are then moving is even an option. Focus on that and you'll find your way into other stuff. Hell, if you really want a family there's always adoption too.

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I was planning on going to TAFE next year, I'm in a hospitality course in collage right now. But I've just been messing up and taking longer than other people to do the same thing's. It doesn't help that I've been told by my family that I wouldn't be able to handle it, I guess.

Honestly, I just need to write up a resume. I sort of want my first job to be working somehwere I canmeet people with same interests.

As for family, I heard adoption is quite hard even for couples that are doing well. And wouldn't it be creepy for a single man to want to adopt? It's what I've always been told.