Winson

Legendary Pokemon Master

Seen October 12th, 2013
Posted February 9th, 2012
134 posts
11.7 Years
This is pretty much one of the worst stories I've read. (I define story as a coherent set of sentences that appear, more or less, to have a common thread to them.) About the only generous thing I have to say here is that you at least have a decent grasp of spelling and grammar. From there it seems like it's all downhill.

The first big problem I have with the work stems from the second sentence, within the parentheses.



Really? Do you think anyone is going to take you seriously when a description like that is in the first paragraph, much less in a story at all? It's offensive and shameful, to say the least.

Then in the second paragraph, you go and shoot off another line.



...okay? Again, serious much?



...You mean Mesprit, Uxie and Azelf, I hope. And what's with the gratuitous use of sexual words and descriptors? Stories aren't funny just because you plop a ton of swear words in them.



You mean "by evil monsters."

All in all, it's not very good. It's short, barely amusing, and extremely childish. It's not your grammar either; it's the presentation of the tale and your choice of words and phrases used within it. I'm trying my best to be nice here, but I have no interest in your works if they're all going to be like this.

And keep in mind, I'm basing this mostly off the fact that you also refused to put warnings and a rating up on it, which just boils me even more. If you're going to be making a South Park-esque story with childish jokes and dirty words, at least tell us before-hand with some sort of disclaimer so we can click "Back" before having to read it. I would likely have been more lenient in my review if I had known this fact beforehand.

If it was meant to be a joke story, and you begin putting disclaimers on your works, I'll let this slide. But please, label your joke stories as such and rate your works accordingly so small children don't run into this. What if a youth was here with their parents and clicked on this? I sure wouldn't want to be the mother or father explaining these terms. Just something to think about.
This is made to poke fun of Pokemon, so don't be so serious about it. This story is no different from reading general stuff on Uncyclopedia. Don't worry, this will probably be the last time it'll be this far off. Next time I'll probably just make fun of what's wrong with the Pokemon games. Like the fact that mums let their only child which is 10 years old out to the huge wide world to be a traveling hobo.
A one woman man's what I wanna be,
Stay by her side so faithfully.
I would if I could, but it's just no good,
Cause there's two perfect girls for me
HAHAHA! ALRIGHT! XD <3

I'm an Emo Pokemon Trainer with years of experiece... PM me if you want to have a battle...

Name: Winson
Pokemon Diamond Friend Code: 4940 3034 7963
Pokemon SoulSilver Friend Code: 4039 9511 9814